Effective "Parts Work": The Basics 

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The Web address of this series is http://sfhelp.org/01/ifs1-intro.htm

        This continues a series of steps for preparing to harmonize personality subselves and reduce false-self wounds. Please turn off your browser's popup blocker to access the informational popups in this article and series.

Inventory Your Known Subselves

        Who are you? If you were only one self, the question would be "Who is you?"

        Recall: each of your personality parts or subselves appears to be a semi-autonomous region of your brain that affects your psychological, physical, and spiritual experiences. Each part has it’s own thoughts, feelings, goals, plans, role, time frame, and world view.

        Each has a developmental age, (usually) a gender, a preferred name or job title, a unique "voice" (thought pattern), and may use one or more inner images to represent themselves to you (your Self, capital "S"). Subselves are a normal part of being human, not some pathological condition, except after significant childhood trauma!

        The first step in making an initial "personnel roster" is to check a key attitude (belief): are you now open-minded about the possibility that you really do have a group of personality parts - one of whom is your true Self? Some people instinctively know they do.

        Others are understandably skeptical (i.e. parts of them are), or even scared of the idea. If a part of you has some doubts, acknowledge them respectfully and ask your protective Doubter to be open to experimenting with parts work. Their (protective) attitudes will be validated or they won’t.

        What you’re about to do is like a reporter identifying the staff of a small organization, and learning their roles. Some "staff members" may not be present at the moment.

        Find an undistracted time and place. Reflect, and factually list your key qualities as a person. This might look  like:

Intelligent Shy (or "social") Im/patient Sensitive

Opinionated Stable Playful Athletic

Un/organized Loyal Hard working Creative

...and so on. Now review your list honestly, and see if less wonderful qualities appear, like ...

Messy Put things off Sarcastic ...?	Controlling Mind reader Perfectionistic ...?	Often late Forgetful Self- doubting ...?

        As with the "Hello" exercise, imagine that each of these traits is the main talent of a separate subself. How does that feel? Study your roster and note the ones who are often evident during calm, non-conflict times. Initial them "R" for "Regular." They're probably some of your "general staff." Star ("*") the others.

        Next, recall several recent stressful situations with, say, health, money, work, or key relationships. Do any other familiar personal traits come to mind? Examples...

Unfocused Numb Stubborn

Obsessive Impatient Competitive

Worry a lot Scared Defensive

        Asterisk these traits in your list. They represent (some of) your Vulnerable and Guardian subselves who activate when they perceive there's "trouble." One subself may have several traits. That will become clearer over time.

        Next, review the three sets of common subselves. Reflect and see if any of those fit you as an "R" or an "*" part. If so, add them to your roster. Title them differently if that feels better (to someone).

Review your whole roster now, and imagine them as a group. Ask yourself "Who usually leads them all?" Trust the first response that comes to mind. At this point, many people naturally answer "I am" or "Me." Recall: the word "I" now describes (probably) well over a dozen subselves. They can’t all be in charge - or can they? Ask the question again and be open to any inner answer, "hunch," "sense," or vision. Don’t edit, compute, or analyze - just listen.

        If the answer seems to be one or several of the parts you’ve listed, circle them. If your response is "I don’t know who’s in charge of them," notice how that feels. Who would you like to lead your inner crew (personality)?

        Reality check: review the common emotion-clues that your true Self is trusted to lead your other subselves. Then scan these common behavioral traits of false selves. Using these, think of a recent period like "the last three months" and ask again: "Does it seem like my Self (capital "S") is usually leading, or 'someone else' (a false self)?"

        If you feel you do have a true Self, make sure you've included him or her on your roster. Use a title or nickname you're comfortable with. Shame-based (wounded) people are often uncomfortable with the title "my true Self."

        Scan your roster again to see if you intuitively know which part is directing and guiding this parts work. It may be your Self and/or a spiritual subself, a Wise One, or a Health Director. These parts instinctively cooperate with your Self for overall harmony. Some people have a small healing committee. If no clear answer emerges here, that’s OK.

        Look over your completed list. These are the most easily identified members of your talented inner team. Underline or highlight any of them you feel a special interest in or discomfort with. How would you describe your feelings about all of them together? Pride? Indifference? Discomfort? Wonder? Unease? Startlement? Curiosity? Anxiety? Nothing?

As you see them assembled, what’s your instinct: are all these parts of you usually unified and harmonious? Do they all know about and trust each other? Do they have a common purpose yet? Do they have a trusted and respected leader? How would you feel if you could confidently answer "yes!" to all these questions?

        Finish this preparation step by experimenting and choosing a comfortable term for all your subselves together. My Inner Family? My Team? My Motley Crew? Clan? Family? Community? Committee? Squad? Gang? Troop? Troup? Tribe?  Crew? Band? your term should feel "right" to (all of) you.

        OK - now that you have an initial sense of who your team is...

Pick Inspiring Guides or Hero/ines

        Shift mental gears (and maybe your body and breathing) now. Review your life to pick some clear examples to inspire and lead you along the way.  See who comes to mind after asking "Who do I know who seems to have lived an exceptionally balanced, serene, satisfying, productive life?"

        The goal here is to identify a person who lives with their true Self consistently in charge and their inner family is usually calm and harmonious. You’re seeking someone whom you instinctively know is clear on (a) who they really are (and aren’t), (b) what their personal gifts and life-mission are, and (c) someone who seems deeply satisfied with who they are becoming, and how.

        You may or may not need to pick someone of your gender. Be wary of "having to choose" someone your parent/s or partner would approve of. Also, be cautious if some subselves want you to pick unmatchable super-heroes like Christ, Buddha, Gandhi, Joan of Arc, St. Patrick, Mother Teresa, Lincoln, or a Pope. Perhaps you’d like to blend the qualities of several hero/ines into a composite Guide or Hero/ine.

        Once you envision one or more inspiring persons, see what happens inside after saying something like "I will learn to be as serene, wise, joyous, Self-satisfied, productive, confident, and wholistically healthy as (my hero/ine) seems to be, over time."

        If your whole inner crew cheers - great! More likely, you’ll hear distrustful (scared) subselves declaring all the reasons this is a brainless, stupid, impossible fantasy. Can your Self listen tolerantly, and hold onto your hero/ine vision?

        Recall - we're reviewing the preparation steps to applying "parts work" toward increasing your inner harmony. Now shift gears again, and ...

Pick an Effective-Team Model

        Meditate on whether you’ve ever experienced being part of a truly harmonious adult or adult-child group, with a clear common purpose, and a trusted, skilled, motivated leader. If so, recall vividly what it felt like to be part of that group. If not, describe in detail how you think it would feel.

        Ask other people if they’ve ever belonged to a group that consistently worked well together. Learn why it did, and what participating in the group felt like to them. The group might be a family, a competitive, creative, or investigative team, an artistic troupe or cast, a business department or task force, a church or civic committee, a set of neighbors, a class or seminar, a travel tour, ...

        Journal and/or vocally describe your impressions in detail. Build an accessible, detailed vision of the qualities and characteristics of a really harmonious, effective family or team. Start to believe you can evolve your talented subselves into one. Imagine each of your parts feeling about your Self and each other what you may have felt about your real-life team, and it’s excellent leader. Meditate on how it would feel to belong to a really unified, harmonious group of adults and kids - for that’s what your inner family can become!

        Get clear over time on how such a group effectively handles conflict and differences of opinion between members, and how the leader facilitates resolving these. If helpful, write these ideas down and highlight them in your parts-work journal. Ask others their opinion on this and collect a rich sample.

        As your parts work progresses, refine this vision of the co-operative dedication to a common purpose your talented subselves can achieve. If someone inside says "I can never do that!" reassure them you hear their disbelief, and that you’re setting out (anyway) to discover how to do this thing that they (you) haven’t experienced yet in your life.

        For a perceptive look at the process of team/community building, I recommend Dr. M. Scott Peck's book The Different Drum - Community Making and Peace.

        The next preparation step is to...

Pick Inspiring Nurturers

        Significant parts work always involves meeting, rescuing, and caring for your scared, lonely, rageful, lost, sad, shamed inner kids (Vulnerables). The good news is that we all seem to have one or more subselves whose natural skill and motivation is to nurture them and others in a healthy way - a Nurturer or Loving Parent. If you’re not familiar with that part of yourself at first, it can help to scan the people you know and focus on one or several whom you see as really effective, unconditionally-loving caregivers (vs. caretakers).

        Hold them in your consciousness as clearly as you can. Vividly imagine them comforting, guiding, protecting, confronting, soothing, and loving. Notice what they do and say, and how they look. Begin to realize clearly why you think they’re effective nurturers. What makes them specially successful in this role? As you get clearer on this...

        Begin to imagine (regularly) how it would feel to have one or more such Nurturers always available within you to gladly and tirelessly minister to your needy or upset young parts. As you begin to get in touch with your inner "Good Mom / Dad / Parent," learn appreciatively how that part reacts when they see your inner kids "act out." As your parts work progresses, stay alert for inner and outer examples of what unconditional caregiving looks, feels, and sounds like. When you can verbally describe these in some detail - you’ve got the foundation laid.

        OK. You have a rough draft of many of your parts; and clear, inspiring models of ...

• a wholistically-healthy, Self-led "hero/ine";

• a consistently harmonious, dedicated, well-led team or family; and...

• one or more gifted nurturers.

        The next parts-work preparation step is to ...

Clarify Relevant Beliefs and Attitudes

        Identify and validate or edit the core beliefs and attitudes that will surely shape your parts-work experience and outcomes. Do you know how to do that? How would you define a belief and an attitude to an average 9-year-old? Premises...

A belief is an observation about life on Earth that you accept as "true" without question ("Dogs and mice don't sing, pray, or speak Portuguese.") From new experiences, information, and/or new reasoning, (some) beliefs can change gradually or suddenly.

An attitude is a subjective opinion about something's nature, like good/bad, right/wrong. pleasurable/painful, healthy/unhealthy, etc. Given life experience, new information, and new environmental conditions, attitudes can change permanently also. ("I used to think people who prayed were superstitious wimps. Now I don't.")

        See how your beliefs compare to these: "I believe that...

• ...normal personalities like mine are composed of talented, interactive subselves or parts;

• ...I have a resident true Self, whose natural talent is highly-effective leadership of my other subselves in all situations - if they trust her/him;

• ...that my Self can negotiate with other subselves to cause useful internal and behavioral changes  over time;

• ...I may (or do) have psychological wounds which significantly degrade my wholistic health and relationships, and potentially pass on to the young people in my life; and I believe that...

• ...I can reduce my wounds and free my Self to guide and harmonize using an appropriate form of 'parts work' (inner-family therapy)."

        And compare your attitudes to these...

• Intentionally cultivating self and mutual awareness is healthy and good.

• People (and/or parents) aren't bad, stupid, or selfish - they're wounded and unaware.

• Ranking my health, welfare, and comfort equal to those of every other person is good for us all.

• Asking for appropriate help in harmonizing my subselves is healthy and good.

        Note the theme of these sample beliefs and attitudes, as you review your own in preparation for doing parts work.

Clarify Your Parts-work Goals

        To provide purpose and direction to your explorations, invest time identifying specifically what you’re trying to do for yourself. My experience is that initial parts workers’ objectives are vague, very general, or very narrow. That’s OK! There’s a wide range of inner-family goals available to you. For example:

"I’ll try parts work out, and see what happens."

"I want to change my whole attitude about life. Have I been (controlled by) a false self for all these years?"

"I want to find out what to do with my life."

"I want to understand why I do the things I do..."

"I want to be less depressed."

"I want to have more fun!"

        Whatever your initial parts-work goals, (a) write them down; (b) say them out loud, and see what thoughts or feelings bloom; and (c) choose an attitude of "My goal/s can change along the way."

        Work patiently over time to refine your first harmonizing targets into simpler, concrete, specific objectives. For example, an initial goal of "I want to have more good friends" can evolve into "I want to significantly increase my confidences about dancing, being assertive, dealing with authority figures, and interpersonal conflict." That can evolve into "I want to find, meet, rescue, and free my self-doubting and anxious parts, and redirect their Guardians to other inner-family roles."

        Experts in designing effective inner self talk suggest that we’re often better motivated by using positive assertions or goals rather than negative ones. Positive statements focus on building, healing, and increasing things, rather than reducing, destroying, "fighting", or limiting. Notice whether it feels better to say "I have to stop being so pessimistic and negative," or "I’m steadily learning to be more genuinely optimistic and hopeful."

        Your choice of words counts in defining your inner-family-building goals. Black and white imperatives ("I must be happier!") tend to be limiting, and can raise your subselves’ "performance anxiety" and doubt. See how simple, clear, positive-action, here-and-now goal statements work for you, like: "I'm now learning to feel more balanced, serene, and joyous, at a pace that’s just right for me." (Can you get into that one?)

        Omitting or minimizing this initial goal-setting step risks "riding off in all directions" and concluding that parts work isn't effective for you or others. Setting your parts-work aims is an ongoing process, not an event.

Continue your parts-work preparations on page 4. Do you need a break first?

Parts-work index

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Updated  June 02, 2008