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of
learn seven skills
to communicate effectively, and teach your kids |
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Help Each Other to Use
"Awareness
Bubbles" to Solve Problems Well
Notice where
you're each focusing! - p. 1 of 2
By Peter K.
Gerlach,
MSW
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 The Web address of this
two-page article is
http://sfhelp.org/02/a-bubble.htm
This is one of 150+ Web articles exploring factors that
promote relationship and family satisfactions. This brief
introduction describes the site's purpose, author, and
the best ways to use this information. Each article is part
of a
mosaic of related ideas, so the more you read, the more sense
they'll all make.
This article is
one of a series
describing effective thinking, communicating, and problem-solving.
It summarizes seven learnable communication (relationship)
skills that are essential for building high-nurturance relationships
and resolving social conflicts effectively.
The unique guidebook
(Xlibris.com, 2001) integrates the key Project-1 and Project-2 Web
articles and resources in this nonprofit Web site, and provides many
practical resources.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified
professional help. Clicking a link below will open an informational
pop-up or full new browser window, so
turn please off your
browser's popup blocker or accept popups from this non-profit site
- no cookies or ads!
+ + +
Premises - all communication
(behavior) among living things is driven by
of unfilled needs - i.e. fluctuating physical, emotional, mental,
and/or spiritual discomforts. Kids and adults communicate to fill
combinations of up to six concurrent needs to ...
-
feel self and social respect (a
constant); and ...
-
to give or get information;
and/or ...
-
to feel empathically
understood and accepted ("vent"); and/or
...
-
to cause impact and change (feel potent),
and/or ...
-
to create excitement (end boredom), and/or ...
-
to reduce or avoid
discomfort
Can you think of any other
reasons you communicate?
Conflict occurs when several needs
and/or between
you and another person clash. Successful conflict resolution or
is most likely when the people and/or
involved ...
-
value each
participants' needs equally, and ...
-
cooperate as partners to
and try to fill their current
well enough.
Health and relationship problems (need conflicts) occur when one
or more people usually ...
-
can't identify their own needs
and/or
-
focus only on their own
needs ("selfishness"), or ...
-
focus only on their partner's
needs
...rather than focusing with
on filling the current primary needs
of each person.
Early family and religious training -
specially for
- often inhibits feeling OK about
and seeking to fill your own needs without undue
and anxiety. Also, a challenge for most busy parents is to see their minor
child's current needs as just as legitimate and
important as their own - even when the child doesn't feel that way. Did your parents usually feel that way? Do you
?
Awareness
"Bubbles"
Premises: when two or more people (or personality subselves)
communicate, each partner unconsciously maintains a dynamic "bubble" of
awareness, or sensory focus.
There are four common types of "bubbles,"
only one of which
promotes mutually-effective communication.
See
which of these four is best describes typical communication sequences between you and your
mate, child, parent, friend, boss,
co-worker, etc. Focusing on another person does not necessarily mean you
empathize or agree with them...
 |
1) Each
partner focuses only on their own
needs. Their awareness bubbles include only themselves at the
moment. Their bubbles may include my thoughts, feelings, body, and needs, or all of these.
Either partner may decode this "one-person bubble" as a distracting "1-down"
from being "ignored"
(disrespected) by the other. |
 |
2)
One partner focuses on his
or her own needs,
and the other partner is equally aware of the thoughts, feelings, and
needs of each of them - i.e. s/he has a "two-person
bubble." When either partner feels ignored (excluded
from their partner's bubble), s/he may feel frustrated and
disrespected, and stop listening - tho s/he may pretend
otherwise. |
|
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3) Neither
partner is aware of their own or their partner's current
thoughts, feelings, and
and
primary needs. They each consciously focus "somewhere
else," like the past, the future, or another person, place,
idea, or event. As long as neither person needs to feel
acknowledged (respected) by the other and/or to make
"personal contact," these "non-person bubbles"
probably feel mutually OK. |
adults and kids who self-medicate significant
by overfocusing
on
(a type of 1-person bubble) often do so because of their ruling
excessive
and
terror of rejection and
Over time, true
(vs. pseudo) personal
can
their
and
find more effective ways of avoiding and managing inner pain. That
automatically promotes a more balanced [me
+ you +
interpersonal focus.
In important personal and business communications, the best option is ...
|
|
4)
Each partner has a
stable two-person bubble
and wants to fill each person's current communication and other
equally.
A shared
and awareness of effective communication
promotes
filling each person's current needs well enough
if their
respective
are guiding their personalities.
|
Do you think that once you become aware of your current and habitual awareness bubbles and need-focuses (mine, yours, ours, or other),
you can
intentionally learn to have stable two-person bubbles with important adults
and kids?
What might
happen to your key relationships if you decided to coach yourself and invite
other people to do this together?
Noticing current and habitual awareness bubbles is part of acquiring the powerful communication skills of
and
- i.e. of doing
family
The practical
guidebook for Project 2 combines the key Web articles here:
Satisfactions (Xlibris.com, 2002).
See this helpful awareness
worksheet and invite selected others to use it
with you.
+ + +
Continue by reviewing options for improving your
"bubbles."
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Updated
June 02, 2008
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