Project 2 of 12: Learn basics and seven skills to fill everyone's needs better
	Link Index to Project-2 articles, worksheets, and reprints By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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The Web address of this index is http://sfhelp.org/02/links02.htm

This is one of 150+ Web articles about improving personal, relationship, and family health and satisfactions. This brief introduction describes the site's purpose, author, and the best ways to use this information. Each article is part of a mosaic of related ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make.        This article is one of a series describing effective thinking, communicating, and problem-solving concepts. The series summarizes seven learnable communication (relationship) skills that are essential for building high-nurturance relationships and resolving internal and social conflicts effectively.         The practical guidebook Satisfactions (Xlibris.com, 2001) integrates the key Project-2 Web articles and resources in this nonprofit Web site, and provides many useful resources.                 Before continuing, stop and reflect - why are you reading this - what do you need?

        Clicking any link here will open a pop-up or full window, so to get the most from this index, please turn off your browser's popup blocker or accept popups from this nonprofit Web site.

Project 2 is for anyone who wants to fill more needs more often: (a) learn communication basics, (b) develop seven communication skills, and (c) teach these to your any kids in your life. A core requisite for success here is significant progress on Project 1 - empowering your true Self.

        Why work at Project 2?  I have studied and taught effective thinking and communication skills for over 40 years. My experience as a therapist and teacher with well over 1,000 average adults, couples, and kids is that less than 5% of average adults (and none of the kids!) knew how to communicate effectively. They didn't know what they didn't know, or what that was costing them and their families. This was specially true in average troubled and divorcing biofamilies, and multi-home stepfamilies.

Options 

• Test your current communication knowledge with this quiz; and/or...

• Overview communication basics in this slide presentation, and refer interested others to it (www.sfhelp.org/02/slides.htm). If you have trouble viewing the slides, see this, or study this equivalent article.

• Review these useful questions and answers about effective communication;

• Commit to taking this self-study course alone or with a partner, and/or refer selected people to the course. It's based on the articles below,

• Consider investing in the Project-2 guidebook Satisfactions, which integrates the key articles and worksheets below.

        These Project-2 articles, worksheets, and skill-practices are organized by (a) seven skills and (b) skill-applications.

Article # and title:

2-1)    Project 2 overview

2-2)  Overview:  effective-communication basics

Seven Effect-communication Skills

Awareness Empathic listening

Effective thinking Assertion Problem solving

Digging down Metatalk

2-3)  Keystone skill: AWARENESS

2-4)  Exercise - Practice building your communication awareness. 

2-5)  Understanding how your (and others') needs rank

2-6)  Key attitudes that affect important relationships

2-7)  Perspective on "awareness bubbles"

2-8)  A personal inventory of communication strengths

2-9)  Pre-wired female-male differences in priorities
 

2-10)  EFFECTIVE THINKING, including a self-assessment inventory - p. 1 of 3

2-11)  Why ineffective thinking is widespread, and three ways to sharpen it - p. 2 of 3

2-12)  A vital prerequisite, and 11 options for developing effective thinking - p. 3 of 3

Review - communication with and among your personality subselves (Project 1)

Review - "interview" one or more personality subselves (Project 1)

2-13)  Clear talk: A family and relationship glossary (3 pages)

2-14)  Sample phrases and questions that promote effective communication
 

2-15)  Perspective on surface needs and primary needs

2-16)  "DIG DOWN" to find the primary needs under any surface stressor - p. 1 of 3

2-17)  Examples: "digging down" with "ex mate," and "money" problems (need conflicts) - p. 2 of 3

2-18)  Ten suggestions on "digging down" to unearth your primary needs - p. 3 of 3

Review - typical primary-relationship needs

Review - perspective on common spiritual needs

Review - typical kids' developmental and family-adjustment needs
 

2-19)  EMPATHIC LISTENING - hearing with your heart

2-20)   Reprint: "Why Listening is Good for You," by Dr. James. J. Lynch

2-21)   Worksheet: A personal listening inventory

2-22)   Exercise: A two-person listening practice
 

2-23)  RESPECTFUL ASSERTION, vs. submission or aggression (2 pages)

2-24)  A sample adult's or child's Bill of Personal Rights - one key to effective assertions

2-25)  Reprint: "The Power of Positive Self Esteem," by Dr. Nathaniel Branden - another key

Review - Perspective on respecting your partner and yourself (3 pages)

Review: Reprint: “Respect – the Heart of Every Successful Marriage,” by Annie Gottlieb

2-26)  Worksheet: Design an effective (assertion) "I"-message

2-27)  Worksheet: My personal assertion profile

2-28)  Exercise: two-person assertion practice

2-29)  "METATALK" - talking about communicating

2-30)  Metatalk guidelines and examples in common interpersonal situations

2-31) Examples of communication sequences and patterns 

2-32) Tool: How to map (diagram) your communication sequences

2-33)  How to exchange effective personal feedback  

2-34)  Checklist of communication mistakes, and an example - p. 1 of 3

2-35)  The same example, with the couple using effective communication skills - p. 2 of 3

2-36)  Example of effective couple's communication and awareness, concluded - p. 3 of 3

2-37)  Reprint: “Avoiding Couple Karate - Lessons in the Marital Arts,” by Anthony Brandt
 

2-37)  WIN-WIN PROBLEM SOLVING

Review - 12 Premises about solving relationship problems  (p. 1 of 2)

Review - Nine more premises, and problem-resolution guidelines  (p. 2 of 2)

2-38)  Examples of win-win problem-solving in action

2-39)  Worksheet - 30 common communication blocks  (2 pages)

2-40)  Worksheet: Your constructive and destructive conflict-resolution traits

2-41)  Exercise: A two-person problem-solving practice

2-42)  25 tips for building effective communication skill

2-43)  Checklist: 4 sets of options for improving problem-solving effectiveness

Applying the Skills

2-44)  A communication concepts quiz, based on all of these articles

2-45)  An illustration of concurrent values and loyalty conflicts, and relationship triangles

2-46)  An overview of values conflicts, impasses, and relationship "cutoffs"

2-47)  Worksheet: How we resolve values conflicts now

2-48)  Worksheet: How we resolve loyalty conflicts now 

  2-49)  3 ways to improve thinking and communication effectiveness with anyone (2 pages).

2-50)  Improving communication effectiveness with your mate,

2-51)  Improving communication effectiveness with your ex mate, (2 pages)

  2-52)  Communicating effectively with kids and teens (under construction)

Review - An introduction to effective child discipline - p. 1 of 3  (Project 10)

Review: 10-13)  General child-discipline guidelines - p. 2 of 3

Review: 10-14)  Guidelines for effective stepfamily child-discipline - p. 3 of 3

Review - A menu of common stepfamily problems and solutions.

Review - Perspective on personal and family anger and grieving policies 

References

• Reprint: Brief research summary on feeling better by naming your feelings

• Reprint: Brief research summary on significant health risks for women repressing their feelings and needs in marital conflicts.

• Questions you should ask about effective communication

• Selected books on communications

+ + +

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Updated April 22, 2008