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of
toward high-nurturance relationships and families |
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Three Keys to Making
a Family
Mission Statement
that Works
p. 2 of 2
What are you trying to do together?
By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW
|
 The Web address of this
two-page article is
http://sfhelp.org/06/mission.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your browser's popup
blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
your
mission statement, concluded...
Suggestions
for Typical Divorcing Families and Stepfamilies
First, you
adults thoroughly review and discuss
at
least the
stepfamily
Basics articles in this
site. A better option is to invest in and use these
guidebooks. Otherwise you risk unintentionally drafting a biofamily charter...
Include your stepfamily mission statement in your
commitment ceremony - specially if you've involved your kids and their
other co-parent/s in drafting it. This can strengthen your
union and your multi-generational stepfamily
and encourage healthy bonding and loyalties. Declaring your stepfamily goals publicly before God,
your kids, and key friends and relatives can impart special meaning to your
statement that can amplify its usefulness across your years.
Consider giving a copy of your vision statement to your
kids'
other co-parent/s. Ideally you'll invite these other co-parents to
help draft yours, because it will affect them. Because of post-divorce or new
re/marital
this is
often not feasible.
If the
language of your statement specifically includes honoring the needs, feelings, and
rights
of your other family members they may be more receptive to it, long-term. They may also draft their
own statement. There may be value in giving a copy to your kids’ grandparents and
other key relatives, too. Drafting this charter can literally be a "stepfamily(wide)
affair."
Avoid
that all stepfamily members follow your stated
goals or adopt the values in your declaration. Evolve a statement that acts like a
guiding keel for your stepfamily ship, rather than a confining, narrow channel.
Recap
These
Project-6 Web articles
summarize...
-
what personal, marital, and family mission or vision statements
are,
-
why making them can benefit all your family members and
descendents short and long term, and...
-
three factors that shape how useful a charter
is for your family, long term.
Breathe and reflect quietly on what you’re thinking and
feeling. Do these concepts make sense to you?
Are you motivated to draft a
written declaration of your family goals with other family adults, or resistant
to that?
How does your partner feel about this? Review this
and imagine
evolving a similar document as a pledge and gift to the crowd of all of
your
future
Selves - including your unborn grandkids.
In my professional experience since 1981, I've seen that troubled
family adults and kids always come from significantly
birth families.
Like my own alcoholic parents, the leaders of these families probably
weren't aware of what they were trying to do long term. Like their ancestors and culture, they took their
parenting and family evolution for granted, and lived a day at a time.
One tragic result is that millions current U.S. marriages fail
legally or psychologically.
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If you or your partner/s came from a low-nurturance (significantly traumatic) childhood, you're at higher risk than you know
of protectively (a)
this to
yourself and others, (b) unintentionally
significant false-self
to your
descendents, and (c) eventual legal or psychological
I write this to
inform and motivate, not
depress you! |
As a
and divorced
family-systems therapist who has witnessed the tragic impacts of hundreds of
marriages failing, I urge you and your
other family adults to raise your
by...
-
Committing to your version of the 12 co-parent
summarized in
this nonprofit divorce-prevention Web site;
-
Reading, discussing, and applying other relevant
Web articles or these related
guidebooks; and…
-
Evolving personal, partnership, and family mission statements and
using them together, and...
-
Gaining inspiration from these memos
from and about your living and future child/ren.
The unique, practical guidebook for Project 6 and
is
Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com,
2001).
Five of these Projects apply to any couple and their family, so all
adults and family supporters can benefit from investing in the book's
practical information - before or after commitment ceremonies and cohabiting. This and these
companion guidebooks integrate and
cross-reference the key resources in this research-based Web site.
Pause, breathe, and recall why you read this article. Did you get what
you needed? If so, what do you need now? If not - what
you need? Is there anyone you want to
discuss these ideas with?
Who's answering these
questions - your wise resident
or
+ + +
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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