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Build high-nurturance stepfamily relationships |
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Inventory: Our Stepfamily's Strengths
Our Co-parents' Strengths
as
Committed Couples
By Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
Member
NSRC Experts Council
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 The Web address of this
nine-page worksheet is
http://sfhelp.org/07/strnx2-cpls.htm
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This
third
inventory
page focuses on your co-parents'
strengths as co-committed couples. The harmony and
of
your co-parenting homes and your multi-home
- is strongly affected by the emotional and spiritual health of your
co-parents' primary relationships. Those are proportional to the strengths and
of each co-parent as a
person.
If one or both of
you have ex mates who are committed to another adult, include their strengths as couples
here, too. Try for an appreciative "glass half-full" reaction to what
emerges here, rather than guilt, anxiety, or blame. Don't check an item as
"true" unless you can check all subparts ("_") to the item. If
you need to, review the inventory
before you proceed.
Take your time!
Our Couples |
1)
Our Co-parents' Strengths as...
B) committed couples:
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You
& Me |
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1) Mate
choices: both partners have thoughtfully (vs. impulsively) chosen to com-mit to their current partner mainly for
mutual love, fun, respect, companionship, enrichment, and personal growth, rather
than to...
_ "rescue" them (or
their kid/s) - or to be rescued by them;
_ feel more
"normal", or better about themselves;
_ have, legitimize, or
protect, a child;
_ have the family they
"never had";
_ escape a lonely, painful, or
scary living situation;
_ hurt or please another
person;
_ "legitimize" a
sexual attraction or relationship;
_ support a substance,
relationship, or activity
_ re/gain status,
approval, or respect from Self, family, friends, and/or
work-mates or superiors;
_ improve their financial
security;
_ avoid "growing old
alone", and/or ...
_
(See also the right re/marriage reasons
worksheet, for more) |
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2) They
_ consistently give nurturing their
relationship high
_ spontaneously, vs. from
duty, guilt, and/or fear; Their _ actions match their words on this; |
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3) They consistently resolve significant
role and relationship conflicts via
communications;
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4)
They have a mutually-satisfying mix of individual and common (a)
interests,
(b) friends, and (c) values; |
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5) They both feel satisfied
sexually,
often enough; |
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6) They seem to exchange a consistently
high level of mutual respect,
trust, and honesty; |
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7) Neither of them is
(a) waiting for, or (b) working on, their partner to make
major
personal changes, so that they or someone will be happier, better,
or fixed; |
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8) They consistently keep clear-enough,
appropriate
around themselves as an adult couple (privacies, shared
priorities, and their own friends and activities separate from kids, kin, and
others); |
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9) They spontaneously (vs. dutifully)
make
enough time to talk and be intimate together, and nurture their relationship; |
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10) They clearly feel their
beliefs, values, and practices are (a) compatible
enough, and (b) a source of relationship nourishment, (vs. stress)
or depletion); |
Our Couples |
1)
Our Co-parents' Strengths as...
B) committed couples (continued) |
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You
& Me |
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11) They are (or seem) generally satisfied
with ...
-
how often they feel really
by their mate;
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how often their partner truly _
understands and _ accepts their major hopes, feelings, and
worries;
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their shared ability to cooperatively
major
problems to their mutual satisfaction;
-
the
of their work, play, family, couple, and alone times;
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the degree of spiritual, emotional, and physical
intimacy they share with each
other;
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their partner's general _ honesty, _
dependability, _ stability, and
_
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how,
and how often, their
partner displays genuine affection, appreciation, and support for _
them and _
important others;
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their mate's relations with any _
ex mate/s and _
former in-laws;
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their partner's _
values and _
decisions about, drugs (including food, alcohol,
nicotine, and caffeine); money; worship; work; and spiritual, physical, and
emotional
- their mate's way of nurturing each child living in
and visiting their home.
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12) They usually act as a
true
vs. as competitors or "two (independent) people living together"; |
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13) They usually get along well enough
with each other's _ relatives, key
_ friends,
and _ co-workers;
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14) Each partner feels consistently
supported
enough by their mate in their main
_ current and _ long-term personal life-goals; |
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15) Each adult genuinely _ enjoys being with their mate,
and _ consistently
prefers
committed partnership with them vs. another lifestyle. |
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16)
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17)
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18)
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 Thoughts ~
 Continue by appreciating
your three or more co-parents' general
strengths as
childcare-givers.
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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