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  The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/10/co-p-barriers.htm

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.

        This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological wounds,  building high-nurturance family relationships, and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make.

        These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents, or any of the three or more related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily. 

        Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need?

+ + +

        Members of typical divorcing families and stepfamilies are often stressed by simultaneous role and relationship conflicts in and between ex mates and other family adults. These conflicts are often about surface disputes over one or more of these...

finances boundaries priorities religion

legal parenting agreements holidays and vacations co-parenting responsibilities property disputes

child visitations child discipline family loyalties  geographic moves

For a full menu of common surface problems, see this.

        Premise - each of these stressors is caused by a mix of the nine related primary problems below. Typical co-parents and supporters are unaware of these primary problems, and/or don't know how to reduce them effectively. One result is that they prolong and amplify their stress by trying fruitlessly to solve the surface problems.

        Lay and professional unawareness is one of up to five concurrent hazards that stress most divorcing families and stepfamilies. Each hazard can be avoided (e.g. in courtship) and reduced, once adults are aware of all of them and their symptoms (above).

        From clinical experience with over 1,000 typical co-parents and research since 1979, this nonprofit Web site proposes effective resolution options for each co-parenting barrier. Click on a barrier to learn more about it and options for reducing it. Note that co-parent dishonesty is not included because that's usually a surface problem.

        Gain more perspective by studying...

• the basic premises underlying the whole solutions series,

• the fundamental ingredients of a healthy relationship and a high-nurturance  family,

• these stepfamily basics and implications,

• the five reasons many divorcing family and stepfamily relationships are extra stressful, 

• the common causes of most stepfamily problems,

• 12 ways co-parents can shift stress toward shared family satisfaction,

• perspective on productive or toxic attitudes between divorced parents,

• key factors that shape the relationship between typical ex mates; and...

• this gateway to co-parent Project 10: teambuilding.

        The most effective way to start reducing these barriers is for each co-parent to commit to...

• Project 1 - assess for and reduce psychological wounds,

• Project 2 - learn to use effective-communication skills), and...

• Project 5  learn and apply healthy-grieving basics.

        Reluctance to do this is usually a sign of false-self dominance and wounds + unawareness.

        If you're interested in ways to prevent these barriers and their effects in families and our society, see this series.

        Pause, breathe, and reflect: why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise, resident true Self or "someone else"?

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Updated  August 25, 2008