Project 10 of 12 - evolve high-nurturance family cooperation
	Worksheet: Our Co-parenting Values Food for Thought and Talk Among Your Team By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/10/co-p-val.htm

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        This is one of over 150 articles focused on building high-nurturance family relationships and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make.

        These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents, or any of the three or more related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily. 

        Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need?

This worksheet is one of a series of resources in Project 10: overcoming any major barriers to form an effective co-parenting team. All Project-10 articles and worksheets, including this one, are integrated in a guidebook for co-parents and supporters: Build a Co-parenting Team After Divorce and/or Remarriage  (Xlibris.com, 2002).

  Why This Worksheet?

       Typical stepfamilies have three or more co-parents, living in two or more linked homes. Average stepfamily co-parents have child-raising values and priorities that vary widely, and will often clash. To get consistent nurturance, their dependent kids need their co-parents and relatives to resolve these values conflicts well. A useful step toward co-parents' doing that is for the adults to get objectively clearer on their and each others' child-raising values. This worksheet helps you do that.

  Directions

       If you're a part-time or full-time co-parent: get some undistracted time, and do this survey thoughtfully - alone. Your worksheet results will probably be more useful if your true Self guides your personality as you fill it out. If s/he isn't guiding, who is? Encourage your other co-parents to do it too, after they've read (a) the overview of Project 10, and the introductions to (b) values and (c) loyalty conflicts, and (d) relationship triangles. This worksheet is not about being right or wrong, it's about what you co-parents believe.

        When you all are done, gather and talk as childcare teammates, not parenting opponents. Affirm your similar values, and calmly identify where you differ. Decide if you can find a way that works to compromise your differences - or agree to disagree. Your present and future kids are depending on you all to do this for them!

        I encourage you to fill out the worksheet first, then follow the links.

1) To me, effective parenting means...

 

 

2) Most minor kids of divorce really need...

 

 

3) If re/married co-parents deny they are in a multi-home stepfamily, then...

 

 

4) What's really hard for a non-custodial bio(logical) parent is...

 

 

5) You can clearly tell a successful bioparent by...

 

 

6) When co-parenting and re/marital needs conflict, I feel it's best to...

 

 

7) What's hardest for a typical minor stepchild is...

 

 

8) When bioparents' and step-parents' child-rearing values clash  is, it's best to...

 

 

9) You can tell effective child discipline by...

 

 

10) When a stepparent disciplines their stepchild,

 

 

11) A divorced or widowed bioparent really needs their new mate to accept...

 

 

12) Being remarried to a stepparent is specially stressful if...

 

 

13) When a baby is born into a multi-home stepfamily...

 

 

14) A stepparent feels best about their mate's former partner when...

 

 

15) Co-parenting in our stepfamily works best when...

 

 

16) It would work even better if...

 

 

17) When a child ignores their stepparent...

 

 

18) A typical stepchild really needs their non-custodial bioparent to...

 

 

19) I really wish my (step)child would...

 

 

20) As a stepfamily co-parent, I feel best when...

 

 

21) An effective stepparent...

 

 

22) Some advantages to being a stepchild are...

 

 

23) The "right" to discipline a stepchild comes from...

 

 

24) Co-grandparents can be confused about...

 

 

25) When a stepparent and an absent-bioparent conflict, it's best if...

 

 

 

26) It's normal for stepsiblings to...

 

 

27) Financial child support can affect co-parenting quality by...

 

 

28) When it comes to child visitations, it's best when co-parents...

 

 

29) The hardest thing for relatives to understand about co-parenting is...

 

 

30) When their divorced bioparents fight, minor kids...

 

 

 

and stepparents...

 

 

31) When it comes to mealtimes and eating together, co-parents...

 

 

32) When it comes to making a job description, stepfamily co-parents...

 

 

 

33) In our stepfamily, I really like...

 

 

Right now, I'm aware of...

 

 

and I want to remember...

 

 

 

  Awarenesses... 








Continue Project 10 by reviewing this sample co-parent's (or stepchild's) Bill of Personal Rights. Then study the pages on effective stepfamily child discipline.

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Updated  August 25, 2008