Worksheet for clarifying stepfamily co-parents' responsibilities

Project 10 of 12 toward high-nurturance relationships and families

Worksheet: Clarify Which of Your
Co-parents are Responsible For What
A resource for negotiating effective
family "job descriptions" - p.2 of 4
by Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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The Web address of this four-page inventory is http://sfhelp.org/10/co-pinv1.htm

Continued... Items in italics below are common co-parenting responsibilities unique to typical stepfamilies, vs. intact biofamilies. Coach yourself to take your time filling this checklist out thoughtfully and honestly! Remind yourself why you're doing this. BP = bioparent; SP = stepparent.

Our Co-parenting Goals / Activities	*Who should* be responsible for making this goal with (child's name) _________________________?**
Names / initials	BP1	SP1	BP2	SP2	Child	Other
Co-parenting Basics (continued): resolve child-care conflicts between:
This child's divorced bioparents
This child's custodial co-parent/s
This child's non-custodial co-parent/s
This child's custodial and non-custodial co- parent/s
Who's responsible to consistently model and teach this child healthy ...
Self love, self respect, and healthy pride
Self nurturance values and skills (vs. self neglect)
Self-protection skills
Personal honesty and accountability
Personal hygiene values and habits
Proper bathroom manners and behaviors
Language / swearing name-calling / limits
Verbal and written communication skills
Effective problem-solving skills
Understanding and managing shame and guilt effectively
Anger / aggression / impulse management
_ Nudity, _ modesty, and _ privacy standards
_ Safe driving skills, and _ vehicle care
Proper ethical and moral judgment
Respectful attitudes about _ race, _ creed, _ gender, and _ ethnic backgrounds
Proper respect for Nature and our World

Our Co-parenting Goals / activities	Who should be responsible for making this goal with (child's name) _________________________?
Names / initials	BP1	SP1	BP2	SP2	Child	Other
*Responsibilities for this* child's schooling**
_ Assess this child's unique gifts and talents, and _ nurture them steadily
Pick the right school / daycare agency
_ Choose and _ monitor effective, nurturing teachers
Select the right school subjects
Develop effective _ study, _ learning, and _ school attitudes
Set clear, appropriate school-performance expectations and standards
Help this child with _ homework and _ special projects
_ Request, _ attend, and _ follow up on school conferences
_ Set and _ enforce _ TV, _ radio, and _ computer limits
_ Choose, _ monitor, and _ support this child's extra curricular activities
Attend this child's games / performances / ceremonies
_ Monitor and _ pay school / college expenses

Resolve any major problems with these
Sleep / Rest
Decide _ where, _ when, and _ with whom this child sleeps
_ Choose, _ decorate, _ furnish this child's bedroom/s
Clean this child's _ bedroom/s, _ sheets, etc.
See that this child gets enough sleep
Get this child up on time for school / work
_ Teach and _ model balancing work, play, and rest
Resolve any major rest-related problems

Health and Growth
Supervise this child's _ weight, _ diet, and _ exercise
_ Get or _ give first aid, when needed
_ Set and _ enforce _ alcohol, _ smoking, and _ other drug limits

Pause and note any thoughts or emotions you're experiencing as you finish this section of the co-parents'-responsibilities inventory. Hi-light, asterisk, or make notes of any part of this worksheet you want to do something about. Then ...

Continue with page 3 of this Project-10 co-parents' responsibilities worksheet.

page 1 | page 4

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Updated August 04, 2008