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for high-nurturance families and relationships
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Worksheet: Clarify Which of
Your
Co-parents are Responsible For What
A resource for negotiating
effective
family "job descriptions" -
p. 4 of 4 by Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
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 The Web address of this page is
http://sfhelp.org/10/co-pinv4.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your browser's popup
blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological
building
family relationships, and
preventing divorce. This
introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use
its resources. Each article is part of a
mosaic of ideas, so the
more you read, the more sense they'll all make.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other
professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce
notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both
bioparents, or any of the
related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear
stepfamily.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
This is the last of four Web pages comprising this
co-parenting responsibilities inventory.
If you're unclear, review the
worksheet's purpose, and suggested
directions. Items
in italics below are co-parenting responsibilities commonly unique to two to three-home
stepfamilies, vs. typical biofamilies. Permit yourself to take your time filling
this checklist out thoughtfully and honestly! Recall why you're doing this, and
for whom ... BP = "bioparent", and SP =
"stepparent."
 Our
Co-parenting Goals / activities |
Who should be responsible for making this goal with
(child's name) _________________________? |
Names /
initials
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BP1 |
SP1 |
BP2 |
SP2 |
Child |
Other |
| Spirituality and Religion |
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Define and implement our home's
"policy" |
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Define and model
healthy spirituality |
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Supervise
this child's religious-education site /
activities / choices |
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Encourage
/ Monitor this child's spiritual growth |
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Resolve spiritual and religious
between this
child's co-parents |
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Child
Visitations |
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Learn this child's other co-parents' visitation
needs, priorities and feelings |
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Stay aware of our
main household
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Provide / Pay for transport to / from our other
co-parents' home/s |
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Arrange special / holiday visits for this child |
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Keep any legal
current, and follow
or amend it. Explain it to this child. |
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Resolve major child
visitation
disputes |
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Our
Co-parenting Goals / activities |
Who should be responsible for making this goal with
(child's name) _________________________? |
Names /
initials |
BP1 |
SP1 |
BP2 |
SP2 |
Child |
Other |
Healthy Grieving |
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Learn the three levels and respective phases of
and the
of blocked grief |
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Define, teach, and implement our home's
("no policy"
is a
policy) |
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Clearly explain their bioparents' divorce or death
to this child |
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Help this child know and grieve their key
biofamily divorce (or death) and re/ marriage
their key
biofamily divorce (or death) and re/marriage losses |
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Identify this child's other adjustment tasks
from their bioparents' divorce and
remarriage/s |
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Guide this child's mastery of these tasks |
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Custody |
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Pay custody-related legal expenses |
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Explain custody concepts, conflicts, and realities to this
child |
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Resolve conflicts over this child's primary
residence
/ custody |
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Congratulations! If you've worked your way
through a set these of pages for each minor
child in your stepfamily, you're clearly a concerned, motivated co-parent! Now
- what can you do with your findings?
 Options
Print copies of this worksheet, and
invite
each of your other co-parents to thoughtfully fill them out - one set
per dependent child - as your teammates, not opponents!
All your three or more co-parents meet once or more in person (or
over the phone, if needed). If you haven't previously, first
Use these (many!) responsibilities as one ingredient to evolve
effective co-parental
Another is the set of
over 30 special adjustment needs that typical minor
stepkids must fill, on top of their normal developmental tasks.
Consider showing these worksheets to your old-enough
kids, interested relatives, and any teachers and other professionals
supporting your stepfamily health and growth. These pages can be particularly helpful in teaching other adults how complex
and different stepfamily co-parenting is, compared to traditional bioparenting!
Keep your
Avoid
over-focusing on these many important
co-parenting responsibilities, by keeping clear on your other
personal and
stepfamily-building
Edit this inventory together to better fit your unique stepfamily situation
over time, and re-use it periodically to help all
of your
co-parents clarify (and prioritize?) your common goals, and
coordinate your
child-guidance efforts. Finally ...
Relish the personal and joint
that you each
and all are doing a high-quality job at the amazingly complex, challenging job
of stepfamily co-parenting! Thoughtfully imagine the group of your unborn grandchildren
who's lives will be greatly improved by your current dedication and long-term,
patient efforts! If you don't work to strengthen their parents' wisdom and
- who will?
When you partners feel you're making acceptable progress on the many parts of co-parent
Project 10, then continue by starting to evolve and use an
effective co-parent support network (Project 11).
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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