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Project
of
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help each other evolve and use a support
network |
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Build
An Effective Co-parent Support Group
The Organization Meeting:
Goals, Guidelines, and Topics
By Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
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 The Web address of this
four-page article is http://sfhelp.org/11/sg-plan1.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your browser's popup
blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
This is one of over 150 articles focused on building
family relationships and
preventing divorce. This
introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use
its resources. Each article is part of a
mosaic of ideas, so the
more you read, the more sense they'll all make.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other
professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce
notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both
bioparents, or any of the
related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear
stepfamily.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
This is the third in a series of
Web
pages focusing on
building an effective support group for stepfamily bioparents and stepparents.
Page one explored participants' needs, and page
two overviewed four types of participants, and ways of designing the
first meeting.
Goals - What You're Aiming To Do
When this planning
meeting (or series) is over, you want to have forged ...
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Initial group trust,
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Shared feelings of common purpose,
commitment, and optimism;
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A clear-enough-for-now group agreement on
issues like those below, and...
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Initial agreements on who's going to do what, next.
Guidelines
Towards the
first goal above, it helps to start each planning meeting with a summary of the general
purpose, and the meeting’s agenda. The first gathering, ask for some
introductions: preferred names; a little background on each person’s stepfamily
structure, status, and experience to date; and what they want to both get from - and give
to - the group ("Tell us why you’re interested"). Learn if anyone has had
experience in organizing or participating in a support group before. Poll each person to
learn "What do you hope we accomplish at this meeting?"
Within your
own comfort level, learn if anyone present has any special concerns for this meeting
about smoking, confidentiality (e.g. any stepfamily sharing given here stays
among us, unless it’s OK with the speaker to tell others), and ending times.
Set the tone by saying that you’ve gathered to brainstorm, and any
ideas or thoughts are welcome, no matter how "nutty" or far-fetched.
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ALERT!
As such a planning meeting unfolds, I’ve often seen one
extra-needy person or couple vent at great length, and take the meeting over. One way
of avoiding that is to remind everyone before they come and as you start that this
is planning meeting, and that your future meetings will provide the chance for
stepfamily sharing and problem-solving. |
You (the facilitator/s) may have to be
assertive and persistent on this, to help people feel it was a productive meeting when
they leave. Stay focused on
planning as your meeting-process unfolds!
Useful Organizing Topics
1)
What are our key co-parent support-group goals?
2) Membership: who is our group for - and not
for?
3) How will we recruit or attract new members?
4) Who do we want
to make referrals to us? How
shall we invite that
5) What kind of image do we want to
present to our community - if any?
6)
Should we limit our size? How big?
7)
Site options: where will we meet?
8) What should our
meeting format be?
9) How often should we meet? For how long
(per meeting)?
10) What group-process rules
and guidelines will help us meet our goals?
11) Will we need
to raise funds? For what? When? How?
12) Do we want a
local business sponsor or affiliate organization? If
so - who? Costs (risks, obligations, limits) and Benefits?
13) Should we try to
compile a resource library? Of what? How?
14) Should we have a newsletter? For just group members, or others,
too? Containing what?
15) Do we need
professional (clinical) backup and/or other resource
people? Why? Who? Should we offer child care?
16) Should we have
a group name and/or logo?
17) Who’s in charge of what - for now?
Add any
questions that pertain to your unique situation. The resulting list forms a working
for your organizational meetings. As you see, there’s a lot to decide! If this
looks daunting, one option is to rank-order these topics into groups, rated by
relevance to getting your group underway, and evolve answers a topic-group at a time.
Another
option is to rough-draft answers to some or most of these questions, and evolve firmer
policies as you gain members and group experience. You don’t have to decide all
these at once!
Review all these
questions together. Decide those you can, then ask for volunteers to work on options for
some or all of the remaining questions. Have them bring back their ideas and
recommendations to the next planning meeting. Investing patient, focused effort in
group design (vs. jumping right in) really pays off, over time!
After experience with over 15 co-parent
support groups, I’ve concluded there is no one
best group
design. The
mosaic of personal, couple, and stepfamily situations that your participants bring will
form a unique blend of combined needs. To
succeed,
your group members should value - and risk - (a) getting honest and clear on their real
needs, and then (b) working co-operatively together to help fill them.
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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