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Project
of
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help each other evolve and use a support
network |
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Perspectives On
Support Group Goals,
Members, Recruiting,
Image, and Size
By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW;
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 The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/11/sg-plan2.htm
Continued...
This is the fourth in a
series of
Web pages focusing
on building an effective support group for stepfamily bioparents and stepparents.
Download all the pages in a Microsoft WORD article free.
 Organization Topics: Perspectives
(continued)
Your member’s
evolved decisions on these organizing questions forms your group's policy and/or
mission statement. For clarity and consistency, summarize and write down these policies, to
use in advertising your group, and informing new people.
What are our main support-group goals
?
David Campbell
titles his job-counseling book "If You Don’t Know Where You Want To Go -
You’ll Probably End Up Somewhere Else." In the same vein, a support group
without clear goals is like the proverbial boat without a rudder. I suggest evolving a
concise (i.e. one or two paragraphs), clear mission statement - early - and
reading it at the start of each meeting to focus everyone. This is specially helpful when
new people are present.
Basically,
you’re coming together to
fill members’ special needs to...
-
Vent - i.e. be empathically heard
and...
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Feel validated and accepted by co-parenting
peers
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Clarify, validate, and get effective
solutions to
current stepfamily problems
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Learn relevant stepfamily norms, realities, and
resources
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Reduce stepfamily co-parenting
isolation
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Heal pre-re/marriage wounds
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Raise the quality and effectiveness of your
co-parenting
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Socialize and enjoy each other’s company
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Offer a vital resource to each other and the people of your
community.
Can you
think of other needs the group can fill? Discussion and your increasing
support-group experience may generate other key goals for you all.
Who is our group for - and not for?
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Any re/married adults, adults considering
re/marriage,
or both;
-
Stepparents only, stepmoms(dads) only, or
stepparents and bioparents ("co-parents");
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Couples only, or any interested individuals, or
whole stepfamilies.
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The general public, or just members of a sponsoring
church congregation or community.
My experience
is the best option is to invite all
interested prospective and veteran stepfamily
co-parents, up to your group size-limit (if any). Couples are strongly encouraged,
and
individuals are welcome. All-stepfamily gatherings or events (including minor and/or grown
kids, and maybe interested kin) may happen several times a year (e.g. a holiday meeting),
with group consensus.
Having separate
meetings for members’ kids is wonderful - and a lot of work.
If you
have several adults who are experienced and willing to commit to organizing and
supervising periodic meetings for your older pre-teens or teens - great!
An important
membership consideration has to do with the depth of people’s needs: Unless
you have a
attending and facilitating
regularly, be clear that your support group is
meant as a
substitute for qualified professional counseling. State that clearly in any
verbal and media advertising, and include it in your mission statement.
Some signs
indicating that professional help is warranted: (even joking) comments about
or murder; extreme
anxiety, paranoia, or reality distortion; descriptions of
family physical or verbal
or
obvious
to
chemicals, activities, or people; couples arguing violently in the group; inappropriate
sexual conduct at home or in the group; and the like.
See
screening prospects, and "resource people". It’s a good idea (I
think) to have a clear policy asking people who are high on any chemicals (including
prescription medication) to stay home or leave.
How shall we recruit new
members?
Who do we want to make referrals
to us?
How shall we invite
that?
Once
you’re clear on what you’re all trying to do, and for whom, you’re in a
place to advertise. From my experience, there are some Do's and Don'ts about
effectively publicizing your co-parents' support group for an initial meeting, or a
regular meeting.
Terminology Can Be Key
Some people may be turned off
by, or not understand, the terms "stepfamily" or "stepparent"
(associations: wicked, second-best, etc.). Alternative publicity
adjectives are blended or reconstituted (also confusing),
remarriage,
or second-marriage families.
Fortunately, the negative bias against
"step-" seems to be mellowing with time, as people get used to this
"new" type of normal family (estimated to be about one of five U.S. households,
in many places...).
Advertising a "stepparent’s"
group potentially leaves out the many bioparents who are married to a stepparent, but have
no stepkids. They need just as much support! Better alternatives are to say clearly
you’re a group for "stepfamily adults", or "stepfamily co-parents",
or "stepparents and their partners" - if you are.
The most effective support-group recruiting
publicity seems to be periodic human-interest stories in your community paper, with a
photo or two. Focusing on an actual couple or family will get people's attention, and
lead them into reading about and considering your support group.
Notices in the community-
meeting section of local papers, as well as radio and cable and network TV
public-service
announcements (usually free) work well. These often need to be submitted in writing to
the newspaper or broadcast station two or three weeks in advance of the event.
Other
places to advertise
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(Liberal) church bulletins and newsletters
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Middle and high-school district PTO/PTA newsletters
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Local-government and organizational flyers - e.g. park district, junior college,
hospital, or public mental health center adult education programs
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Public and private counseling agencies - including hospital outpatient departments,
and mental health, family-medicine, and family-law private-practitioners, are usually glad
to know of support groups to make selective referrals to them.
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Have your members tell their doctors, pediatricians, dieticians,
pharmacists, and dentists of your support
group when they visit. Perhaps 20% of their patients are in stepfamilies!
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Divorce-mediation and family-law lawyers can
be helpful, too - if they clearly understand you don’t need emotionally
chaotic or warring people...
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Colorful posters can attract wide attention in high-traffic places like libraries,
grocery and drug stores, fast-food outlets, copying centers, video-rental stores,
entrances to public transportation, etc
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Local banks or realty offices may allow reputably-sponsored organizations to include
co-parent support-group flyers in their mailings
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Local single-parent support-groups may have newsletters which will advertise you.
Even if they do, visit their meetings periodically and describe your group.
About 70% of U.S. single moms and dads remarry within five to seven
years...
See if local
organizations are sponsoring any "Rainbows"
(grief-support) groups. Often the kids in them are in stepfamilies. Also, a majority of
the adults in "ToughLove" support groups are (pretty troubled)
stepfamily co-parents of teens. Search the Web for info on them.
Some (liberal)
ministers may agree to make referrals and/or post notices. Ministers who re/marry
couples are potentially the best people to alert new stepfamily co- parents of what
they’re (all) getting into. Clergy and other counselors are often handicapped
by lack of qualified stepfamily training and direct experience.
If one or more of
your members is computer-literate, consider creating a
home page on the Internet. If your local city government
and/or a local major hospital has their own home page, they may be willing to include
a listing for your group as a community resource.
One way of
advertising is to invite relevant community people to sit in on a meeting or two -
specially if they’re re/married. Typical human-service professionals have no
comprehensive idea of the scope and kind of problems stepfamily co-parents and their kids
are routinely faced with. When they hear some typical stories from your members, they may
gain empathy and motivation to refer people (and/or funders!) to your group.
Build a mailing list of potential
referral sources from your phone book, and send a descriptive flyer every quarter or
so. The more planned and thought-out your group design, and the more established you are,
the more likely such organizations and people will be to endorse and cooperate with your
group - specially if they're are in a stepfamily!
What kind of image do we want to
present to our community?
Some options about
key
themes you want the public to "get" about your support group from your
advertising:
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We’re here for
all (adult?) members of potential or actual stepfamilies with live-in and/or visiting,
minor and/or grown stepkids;
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We are (not)
affiliated with any local religious or mental health organization, or any
12-step
movement;
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Our primary purposes
are education and re/marital and stepfamily support (vs. therapy), because
millions
of U.S. stepfamilies ultimately re/divorce;
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We are an open,
drop-in (or call-first) group, with clear confidentiality policies (if you are);
Should we have a group size limit? How big is too
big?
My experience
is that eight to 16 people per meeting is optimal. Less than seven or eight people
seems to be under the "critical mass" that will attract and hold group interest
and loyalty. That’s partly because there are so many stepfamily variations, a small
group lowers the chance that attendees will meet "someone a lot like me/us".
More people means more potential experience, wisdom, and creativity to draw on for
solutions.
More than around
16 participants risks too many who need to vent at a meeting, and some winding up
feeling "cut-off" or frustrated. Large-group decision-making gets lengthy and
cumbersome, too. Often, a major group-size factor is the capacity and facilities of the
meeting site. Either can determine the other...
 Continue
this
series with more of these
group-organizing
topics, or review page 1 /
2
/ 3.
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Updated
August 04, 2008
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