The Web address of this
two-page article is http://sfhelp.org/Rx/wounds/fears.htm
Continued from p. 1...
Common Symptoms
of Excessive Fears
Dominance of over-fearful
subselves causes common thoughts, feelings and behaviors. The behaviors are
also shaped
by other false-self wounds. See which of these may feel familiar in you or
someone you know...
_ 1) Over-avoidance of
inevitable
and interpersonal
conflicts;
“My partner and I never fight!”
_ 2) Compulsive
helping, and/or
key adults and kids.
_ 3)
Freezing, panicking, exploding, fleeing, or aggressing when others show
strong emotions.
_ 4) Equating a raised or intense voice
and/or
angry face with
“You're yelling at me.”
_ 5) Repeatedly
and tolerating toxic
(controlling, shaming, hurtful) relationships.
_ 6)
Habitual black/white (bi-polar)
thinking, and/or major discomfort with ambivalence and uncertainty.
_ 7) “Unreasonable”
and/or
("worry") over crying or raging.
_ 8) Chronic
_ 9) Compulsive
apologizing (also a symptom of excessive shame).
_ 10) Often “walking on eggshells”
with key people, and doing nothing about it.
More common symptoms of excessive
fears...
_ 11) Frequent
high discomfort
needs
and opinions, saying “no,” or
self or others -
i.e.
difficulty setting
and enforcing appropriate personal
_ 12)
Identifying with or vehemently denying
(also a toxic-shame symptom).
_ 13) Compulsively choosing
or no relationships, despite painful outcomes.
_ 14) Automatically
repressing
and/or withholding (not expressing) some
or most emotions.
_ 15)
A notable compulsion to
people, events, perceptions, and/or feelings;
excessive preoccupation with “what if…”.
_ 16) Major discomfort with changing beliefs, behaviors, and/or surroundings (taking
risks); Living an overly-structured, ritualized life; “never
going out or traveling.”
_ 17)
Repeatedly picking
"emotionally-unavailable"
partners and associates, and complaining
about
that,
rationalizing or
it, or "not noticing" it.
_ 18) Compulsively
“shading the
truth” or
directly or by omission, and denying it.
_ 19) A history of relationship
cutoffs and “failures," including
_ 20) An obsessive need for
lists and clear “rules”
and “plans,” and predicting the future
_ 21) Avoidance of, or inability to tolerate,
emotional and physical intimacy.
_ 22) Avoidance of, or
significant anxiety
about, personal commitment.
_ 23) Smiling and/or chuckling
when scared, confused, hurting, or
angry.
_ 24) Frequent inability to describe current feelings (emotions
and/or body sensations).
_ 25)
Computing “what I (should)
feel now” vs. spontaneously feeling.
_ 26) Excessive
and/or being
chronically late, and
claiming
_ 27) Chronic facial tics; jaw grinding; and/or
muscle, head, or stomach aches or pains.
_ 28) “Always” being
and “in my head.”
_ 29) Being unable to describe clearly “what I
(don't) like and/or need.”
_ 30) Feeling or showing no appropriate shock, anger, and sadness
over major physical or
abstract
(also a symptom of
difficulty
_ 31) Frequently “not breathing” (breathing
shallowly), and being unaware of that until someone points it out. A related
symptom is frequent use of
tobacco, which reduces oxygen-absorption and feeling emotions like
anxiety or fear.
_ 32) “Never” arguing,
getting angry or “upset,” or showing strong emotions without major
anxiety, guilt, and repetitive apologizing.
_ 33) Usually having an expressionless face, a
"frozen" body," and/or a "flat" voice.
_ 34) Periodic
and/or uncontrollable
or
“attacks,” despite painful personal
and social
consequences - including post-attack shame (embarrassment), guilt, and/or fear of
”losing control” again.
_ 35) Frequent
- focusing on the worst possible outcomes of human or Natural
situations, and
having a steady cynical,
view of life.
_ 36) Stubbornly justifying or denying avoidance of appropriate
professional medical, spiritual, and psychological help in person or in the
media
- also a symptom of excessive shame).
+ + +
These are typical behavioral symptoms
of excessive false-self fears. Do you see yourself or someone else here? Reflect for a moment on your favorite
worries and
fears. How have they been shaping your relationships, finances, occupation,
and health? Try completing this sentence repeatedly until you run out of
responses:
"I'm often afraid (or
'worry') that ________; and __________; and _______________ …"
The more of these fear-traits you or
someone has, the higher the odds
you or s/he is dominated by a well-meaning
Recall:
this is one of 12 false-self wound-assessment
checklists.
If you or another has "too many" of these symptoms "too often" (a subjective
opinion), what can you do to reduce them and grow more
and productive?
Typical Excessive-fear Recovery Goals
Well-meaning
and
subselves
often keep your insecure
(untrusting) subselves anxious. A creative
subself may help by
protectively
and a
who mutes or anesthetizes
"unsafe" emotions. Often the
heaps scorn on other subselves for
"being a wimp / scaredy cat / doormat / coward / lily-livered / "weak"
/ yellow / timid…", which inexorably nourishes young
subselves' excessive guilt and shame.
People who choose to reorganize their
(personality) under the
leadership of their
(capital "S") can work patiently toward targets like these...
Adopt the attitude that like all
emotions, anxiety and fear are useful (vs. positive
or negative) protective responses.
Identify your current
significant anxieties
and fears, decide which you can and can't
and use this
awareness to fill your current needs.
Evolve
an effective way of identifying and reducing exaggerated or groundless old fears to healthy
levels, and/or releasing them. ("I used to fear traveling
in strange places. Now I enjoy doing so, selectively, because I'm learning
to trust myself (my Self) in unexpected and alien situations.") Really releasing old fears is a
(permanent) change.
Learn to recognize...
-
surface symptoms that
indicate repressed fear (e.g. those above),
and...
-
the difference between health-promoting and
toxic anxiety and fear.
Identify which subselves feel
each of your major fears (above). If any are
living in the past, evolve an effective
rescue
plan and
invite them into the (safer) present time to join your other subselves.
Validate and affirm each scared subself's feelings
and beliefs, and promote honest dialog with them, your Self, and other
parts like your
and
Work patiently to grow your scared subselves'
trust that your
subselves can reliably avoid
or cope with most real
danger and manage unsafe situations effectively.
More goals for reducing
excessive fears to normal...
Respectfully
retrain your
and
subselves
(or equivalent) to trust your Self and a benign
and
stop scaring other subselves.
Retrain your
Critic and
to stop
shaming other subselves for being afraid via (a) judgmental
and
(b) labeling normal, useful emotions
like shame, anger, anxiety, and sadness as "negative" or "bad."
Retrain your
(Anesthetist)
subself to trust all
subselves' ability to safely tolerate feeling, and to allow
feeling all emotions fully in the present moment.
Learn if some subselves fear other
subselves ("Keep that Rager locked up. She's going to get us killed!"), and
convert that to cautious trust. As inner-family understanding, respect,
and trust in your Self's effective leadership (harmony) grow, such fears will shift to
tolerance and trust, and later to affection and appreciation.
Investigate possible connections between terrified
subselves and their
and any chronic physical
symptoms you experience - e.g. cramps, muscular tics or spasms, migraines,
asthma, insomnia, "digestive problems," ulcers, … Isolated or mute
sub-selves can promote such symptoms in a desperate attempt to be noticed
and comforted. For perspective, read
this brief research summary
on significant
health risks from "chronic anxiety;"
Work with medical professionals to reduce these as your
inner harmony grows, including ending dependence on chemicals (including sugar and fat)
to self-medicate
A growing number of books
document the
power of "your mind" (subselves) to cause and relieve some physiological ailments.
For
example, see titles by Larry Dossey and Dr. Bernie Siegel.
