Break the [wounds + unawareness] cycle!
	What do You Know About Families? Learn What You Need to Learn By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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The Web address of this quiz is http://sfhelp.org/basics/quiz_fam.htm

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        This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological wounds, building high-nurturance family relationships, and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's pur-pose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make. These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help.

        Pause and reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need? .

 Why Learn about Families?

        From 29 years' professional research, I propose that one of five reasons for widespread American family stress and divorce is general unawareness of key personal, relationship, and family topics. Many lay and professional adults don't know what they don't know, so they're not motivated to learn and apply these vital basics. Could this describe you?

        This inventory is one of five basic-knowledge quizzes in this educational Web site. It (a) invites you to assess how much you know about families - in general, and your own; and it (b) links you with practical answers you can tailor to fit your knowledge and situation. "Scoring" this quiz is less important than what you know, your motivation to learn, and how you use your family knowledge...

Prepare to Learn...

• Check to see if your true Self is guiding your personality now. If not, expect skewed results from this quiz, and study Project 1. See this for more information.

• Find a quiet place and reserve at least 45-60" to respond to these items;

• Print this quiz and have something to write with and blank paper for notes;

• Adopt the open-minded curiosity of a student, and expect to learn something useful here;

• For fun, guess which of these you'll feel when you finish this quiz:

• Take your time here, and view this quiz as a high-return, long-term investment. Check each main item ( __ ) you feel clear on, only if you can confidently check each sub-item ( _ ).

• As you answer these items, imagine on how other key family members (like each of your parents and grandparents) would respond to (a) each item, and (b) to taking and discussing this quiz.

• Links below will take you to the answers that are used in this non-profit site. Many answers are offered for perspective and thought-provoking, not as absolute truths. To stay focused, consider finishing this inventory before you click on any links of interest.

• Reassure yourself - you don't need to be a Ph.D. to learn the answers here!

• Suggestions:

  • try answering these items out loud to someone you trust, or to an imaginary group of high-school seniors.

  • avoid vague generalities, and be as specific as you can.

  • think of several families you know well as you consider each item.

  • remind yourself that "I don't know" is a valid, respectable answer!

        Ready?

  What I Know About Families

__ 1)  Define what human needs are, and how they affect any family's "functioning."

__ 2)  Define _ "a family," ("a family is...") and _ why families exist in every animal species, age, and          culture - i.e. define the main purposes of any family (like yours).

__ 3)  Describe what would probably happen to our (or any) society of there were no families.

__ 4)  Describe _ a psychological family, _ specifically how it differs from a genetic family, and _            how and _ why psychological families form.

__ 5)  Define _ "a relationship" and _ at least six requisites for a mutually-satisfying relationship. 

__ 6)  Define _ human bonding, _ pseudo bonding, _ how bonds develop between two people, and _ why          some wounded adults and kids are unable to bond.

__ 7)  Explain _ what it means to belong to a family, and _ who usually determines a typical family's          membership.

__ 8)  Describe the people who comprise _ a nuclear family and _ an extended family.

__ 9)  Name _ at least four common types of family, _ identify which is the most complex, and _ explain           why.

__ 10)  Describe _ what a stepfamily is, and _ who comprises (belongs to) a nuclear stepfamily.

__ 11)  Define and illustrate _ what a need is, and _ the difference between surface needs and
            primary needs;

__ 12)  Define what nurturing means in the context of a family.

__ 13)  Describe _ what a family's nurturance level is, and _ how it relates to the family's "functioning."

__ 14)  Define and give examples of a _ high-nurturance (functional) and _ low-nurturance (dysfunctional)            nuclear-family, and _ name at least 15 of the ~30 traits of a high-nurturance family

__ 15)  Name at least 8 developmental needs typical minor kids depend on family adults to fill well.

__ 16)  Define at least four major effects on a child of growing up in a low-nurturance family environment,

__ 17)  Describe _ a family mission statement and _ how it may affect a family's long-term nurturance            level.

__ 18)  Describe what _ interpersonal and _ family boundaries are, _ what's required for effective            boundaries, and _ how boundaries can strengthen or degrade a family's nurturance level.

__ 19)  Describe _ what a family's structure is, and _ how adults can benefit from "mapping" (diagram-            ing) their family's structure in troubled times. Option - try mapping your childhood and current            nuclear families and see what you learn.

__ 20)  Define _ family roles and _ role titles, and _ give at least 8 common examples.

__ 21)  Describe and illustrate  family _ role confusion, _ role strain, and _ role conflict, and _ how each            of these relates to a family's nurturance level.

__ 22)  _ Define and _ give examples of family rules and _ explain the difference between effective            and ineffective family rules.

__ 23)  Describe _ the main elements of a family system, and _ explain how family adults can use this            knowledge to spot and solve family role, relationship, boundary, and structural problems.

__ 24)  Describe _ what human bonding (attachment) is, _ how bonding differs from dependence (need),            and _ the key factors needed to form a stable, genuine (vs. pretended) bond between two per-            sons.

__ 25)  Describe _ when a family begins, and _ the main developmental stages of any family that            includes children.

__ 26)  Describe _ family identity and _ how it relates to a family's nurturance level.

__ 27)  Define and give examples of a _ loyalty conflict and a _ relationship triangle, and _ outline an            effective strategy for avoiding or resolving each of these common family stressors.

__ 28)  Describe _ how family changes relate to losses, and _ what "effective grieving" is.

__ 29)  Describe and illustrate _ a family "grieving policy," and _ a "pro-grief" home.

__ 30)  Describe _ the six needs that cause all kids and adults to communicate, and _ the
           two requisites  for effective family (or any) communication.

__ 31)  Define the most critical factor that determines (a) the outcome of any communication, and (b)            significantly affects the quality of most family (and other) relationships.

__ 32)  Define _ effective assertion and _ "effective child discipline;" and... 

__ 33)  Define _ effective parenting and _ toxic (harmful) parenting.

__ 34)  Describe at least three things high-nurturance families contribute to society.

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        Note your thoughts and feelings as you finish this quiz. What are you aware of now? Is there anything special you want to research or remember from these 34 items? Do you want to show this inventory to anyone and/or discuss it?

        Now compare how you feel about your family-knowledge level to what you thought before taking the quiz...

_  I knew nothing about families _  I knew far less than I thought I did _  I knew about what I thought I did

_  I knew more than I realized _  Now I know all I need to know. _  I want to learn more about my family

        Perspective: This is one of several basic topics that typical adults need know to evolve a high-nurturance family and break the crippling [wounds + unawareness] cycle. The other topics are...

• personality and relationship basics,

• communication basics, and...

• healthy-grieving basics.

• And if you're in a stepfamily - or may be - try this stepfamily quiz.

Now What?

        Use options like these to benefit from what you just learned:

If you haven't recently, study the [wounds + unawareness] cycle that may be stressing you and your family (slides or text). This will help you benefit from these quizzes.

Practice noticing whether your true Self is guiding your other subselves in calm and stress-ful times. You'll get the most from using these quizzes and options when s/he is in charge.

If there are terms in this quiz you're unclear on, see this glossary.

If you want to ask other people to take and discuss this quiz, _ who are they, and _ why do you want this?

Note how motivated you are (little > highly) to invest time studying the answers to these items. Doing this with one or more people (like your mate) can be more fun, and will prob-ably be more productive for all of you.

Try using the terms and concepts in this quiz in conversations with other family members. See if over time they help you all raise your cooperation and nurturance level. 

If you're in a co-parent support group, consider using the quizzes in this site as a frame-work for study and discussion topics.

        More options for using this quiz...

Scan these "Questions Family Adults Should Ask." They offer specific answers to most of the items in the five quizzes.

Use these topics as a framework for educating your children about their family. They don't know what they need to know, and probably have confusions they can't articulate.

Give a copy of this quiz (or all of them) to your kids' teachers, school counselors,  and coaches to help raise their awareness of their own kids and students.

Invest in one or more of the six guidebooks that integrate most articles and worksheets in this educa-tional Web site. Then study and discuss these modular books with other family adults and supporters to strengthen your shared knowledge and family relationships.

If you're a human-service professional, use these quizzes to (a) help design in-service training programs for your co-workers and supervisors, and (b) educate and empower your clients and patients.

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        If a false self controls your other personality subselves, you'll probably ignore your quiz results and options like these or postpone acting on them - and rationalize this as being "OK."

Right now I feel....

 

and I'm aware of...

 

and something I want to do now is...

 

Recap

        This is one of five basic-knowledge quizzes in this nonprofit Web site. They exist to improve adults' awareness, relationships, and family nurturance levels. From 28 years' clinical study and research, this quiz offers 35 questions to help you self-assess your knowledge on families - your own, and others you care about. This knowledge can help you identify and reduce harmful wounds and unawareness you may not be aware of, and to teach and protect the youngsters in your life.

        All other articles in this Web site use these family concepts to help you avoid and lower family stress and conflicts, and raise the nurturance level of your home and extended family. For more per-spective, see these Q&A topics and these foundation articles.

        Recall why you took this quiz. Did you get what you needed ? If you did, what do you need now? If you didn't, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise resident true Self, or "someone else"?

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Updated  August 25, 2008