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This is one of a series of brief articles on how
to respond effectively to annoying social
behavior. An effective response occurs
when you get your
well enough, and both people feel
heard and respected enough.
This article suggestions how to
respond effectively (a) when you are impatient with
someone, and (b) when someone is annoyingly impatient
with you. The article
assumes you're familiar with...
What's the Problem?
Local or chronic impatience in a child
or adult can be annoying depending on how and
when they express it.. Their attitude and
actions can seem self-centered, rude,
abrupt, loud, cross, gruff, irritated,
frustrated, critical, whiney, and/or and
disrespectful. Such behaviors suggest they're
controlled by a
which is probably unaware of themselves, your
needs, and the process between you.
Your reactions to behaviors like these can be
effective or not,
depending on you and your relationship.
false self controls you, your subselves
may feel one or more of these...
responsible for the impatience)
nervous or anxious
(something bad may/will happen)
complaining and do something)
resigned (here we go again)
(how can I help?)
your problem, not mine)
annoyed (I'm so
tired of your attitude and behavior!)
hurt (you don't
care about what I feel and need)
Expressing any of these impulsively can lower your
self-esteem, promote conflict, and degrade your
relationship. What's an effective
response to someone's impatient behaviors?
This YouTube clip provides perspective
on effective confrontations. It mentions eight
sellf-improvement lesso0ns in this Web site -
I've simp-lifie2d that to seven:
recall the definition of an effective
response. Try saying your definition out loud
Breathe and take a moment to become
of several things...
true Self is
If not, refocus on
person's behavior and specifically how it
affects you - e.g. "I feel annoyed and
disrespected by the
you're expressing your impatience," vs. "You
really annoy me."
other person seems
controlled by a false
self. If so, review these
options and lower your expectations of
being heard and respected now.
if you feel
mutual respect now. If you
don't, a false self probably dominates you;
and may cause an ineffective response;
or not?); and...
right now - in
and from your current
If your Self guides you and you feel your and
the other person's needs are equally important
(including kids!), consider saying one or more of these...
focus on now, and avoid bringing up
the past and/or several current/old problems
Ask the person
if s/he's open to feedback from you. Asking is a sign of respect. If
s/he isn't open,
look for another time rather than imposing
behavior briefly with friendly eye contact
and without judgment. That can sound like
"(Name), it looks/sounds like you're pretty
impatient/frustrated right now."
for their reaction,
you growl and swear (or whatever) like that,
I feel irritated (or whatever).
Then give the person a brief
to affirm that you hear them.
say what you need,
and see if s/he will
you two have a
and seek to compromise or agree to
some limit or enforceable consequence if
s/he chooses not to respect your
needs. That can sound ;like
if you choose to keep nagging /
criticizing / threatening me (etc.)
about _____, I'm going to stop listening
/ leave the room / (do something else)."
And/or you may...
response, expect "resistance," (arguing,
complaining, blustering, defocusing,
denying, etc); use
to acknowledge it respectfully and calmly,
and then repeat your original response
briefly and clearly. Repeat this sequence as
often a you need to until something changes.
How do these examples compare with the way you
usually respond when someone is impatient around
or with you? Do you feel responses like these
would probably be effective?