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adults and kids depend on their ability to think and communicate
effectively to fill their personal and social needs. From observing over 1000
typical adults and couples since 1979, I've found that typical people are ineffective
communicators - and they don't know why or what's possible.
Two tragic results are that few people are motivated to learn how to
optimize their communication skills and outcomes. That
means that typical kids grow up assuming that living with the results of ineffective thinking and communication is normal.
They don't realize their potential!
This quiz is one of a
of Lesson-2 articles
describing effective thinking, communicating, and problem-solving.
The series outlines seven learnable communication
skills that are essential for building high-nurturance relationships and resolving
personal and social conflicts effectively.
This YouTube clip previews key questions in this quiz:
Use this quiz to assess what
you need to learn about communication basics. It comes from
over 40 years' study and teaching
effective communication skills to hundreds of adults and kids.
Expect to learn something valuable from
the quiz and make at least 30" of undistracted time to write your answers
here or on another sheet of paper.
Try answering each question out loud as you
go, and/or try doing so with
another interested person. Answer each question before following any links.
Put your curser over words in red letters to read a clarification.
journaling about your thoughts and feelings as you
answer these questions. They're just as instructive as your answers!
Use your reaction to this quiz as incentive to study
Lessons 1 and 2 in this self-improvement Web site.
Before taking the quiz,
rate yourself from 1 (“I know nothing about
communication”) to 10(“I could teach a college course on it”) ...
My communication effectiveness with important adults and kids
recently is ___ in calm times, and ___ in typical conflicts.
Imagine that this quiz is part of a test you and your mate would
each have to pass to qualify for a marriage or child-conception license.
Imagine what might happen ti the relationship-counseling industry and
divorce rate if this were required.
Recall: underlined links will take you to a new window. Usually the
answer you seek is at the top of that page. Suggestion: read the answer and
close the window, rather than reading the whole new page and defocusing from
8) What are the
three "channels" all adults and kids
use to send and receive their communication messages? What happens when the
received messages on these channels
What are the five messages we all
automatically decode from each other in any communication exchange, and
which of these always determines our communication effectiveness?
10) What are the
two most important factors that determine communication effectiveness in any
11) Why is it
impossible for two people in a relationship to
at least 10 common communication blocks, and
what can I do about each of them?
What are the
16 possible outcomes of any communication exchange,
and (b) which is the only one that allows both partners to feel
concept is critical if you want to become
fluent in identifying how often you communicate effectively
in key situations and over time.
What are the seven related
any adult can learn to improve their communication outcomes, and (b)
how do the skills relate to each other? If you can't describe each skill,
you're probably not using it.
(a) What are
in each communication partner, and (b) which combination of them is
required for effective communication outcomes?
16) (a) What are at least 15 of the ~45 everyday
concepts I can learn to help me
assess and improve my communication successes? Examples:
"flooding," double messages, defocusing, interrupting, assuming (mind reading),
intellectualizing, and generalizing (list separately). (b) Of these 15, which are the
important, and why?
Pause, breathe, and notice your
thoughts and feelings
with interest. Now try this again: on a scale of 1 (“I know nothing about
communication”) to 10 (“I could teach a college course on it”)...
effectiveness with my mate or another important adult or
recently is __ in calm times, and __ in typical conflicts.
Has anything changed?
you do with this quiz? Can you better appreciate the premise that "most
adults don't know what they don't know about effective
communications?" How many of these questions could key family adults answer? Older kids? If you all could answer
all these questions clearly and
spontaneously, what would that mean to your family?
Did you learn anything about these questions in your early schooling? Do you
think average modern schools teach the answers to these questions and why these
thinking and communication basics are vitally important to people, groups,
organizations, and societies?
modeling effective communication for the young people in your life? What
if someone had coached you to learn the answers to these questions before you left home?
Lesson 2 in this nonprofit Web site offers perspective on and answers to these
questions, to help your family members fill more of your daily needs more often
in mutually-satisfying ways. Doing this depends on your
most of the time
(Lesson 1). The unique, practical
guidebook for Lesson-2 is
Satisfactions (Xlibris.com, 2nd ed., 2010).
This 41-item quiz is designed to test your knowledge of
effective-communication basics and skills. It demonstrates how much
average adults don't know they don't know about the essential process of
communicating with their subselves and other people. The value of
effective thinking and communicating is in getting more of your normal
and special needs met more often - i.e. living a more productive,
studying ad-fee Lesson 2. then take this quiz
again to enjoy how much you've learned!
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you take this quiz? Did you get
what you needed? If so, what do you want to do now? If not, what
do you need? Who's
these questions - your