Typical divorcing families and stepfamilies are complex,
client systems.
From 29
years' study and clinical experience, I propose that therapists, counselors,
supervisors, case managers, and consultants ("clinicians") need
four things
for
long-term clinical outcomes with
these clients:
This series of Web pages explores each of these requisites.
1) Special Didactic and Experiential Knowledge
For
with
this model and these clients,
typical clinicians need knowledge beyond what they got in their professional
training. They (you) probably will have to learn this knowledge
through self-study and experiential learning, because effective formal
training in these subjects appears to be rare.
This nonprofit Web site offers basic information on these requisite
topics, based on several decades of professional research and
clinical experience:
-
principles, as applied to client and
assessment and interventions.
This includes knowledge of normal personal and family developmental
phases;
-
understanding what causes and blocks
first-order and second-order systemic
and how this relates to clinical assessment and intervention;
-
developmental needs of
typical minor kids, and how to assess kids' status on
(a) them, and (b) up to 30 common
family-adjustment needs when parents separate
and divorce, and start or join a stepfamily;
-
normal
personal and family
developmental stages, and how they shape typical adults' and kids'
priorities and current primary needs;
-
principles of
effective
child-nurturance, family
and how to
assess
the level of any family, starting with yours;
-
understand the [wounds + unawareness]
and how it affects human personality formation, composition,
and functioning; psychological
-
effective
communicating, and
problem-solving basics and
-
human
(attachment) and
(broken bonds), and how to use a three-level model of
to (a)
for blocked grief and free it up;
and to (b) facilitate clients forming a
family;
-
typical
to co-parental
between divorcing and stepfamily co-parents, and how empower clients to reduce them;
-
stepfamily
facts,
myths and
realities,
developmental phases, and
and how to
and facilitate high nurturance levels in typical client families;
-
clinical options for identifying and
empowering clients to resolve common family
and relationship problems like
these using
some version of this
three-level concept; and...
-
special knowledge of the
therapeutic process with these
complex, multi-problem clients, including the use of healthy
spirituality and
concepts and
techniques.
Use these
to sense what you need to learn about these topics. Then study (a) this
curriculum over time to increase
your knowledge, and/or (b) invest in these
guidebooks, and/or (c) review
the assessment and
intervention overviews
to see required didactic and
experiential clinical
knowledge and skills.
Clinicians need to use their knowledge of all these topics to assess these complex
client systems and intervene
effectively. Learning the
mosaic of these topics and how to apply them effectively can form the framework
of a self-study curriculum and a productive in-service program.
Requisite 2) Key Personal Traits
Typical clinicians using this model need three personal traits to apply their growing
knowledge of the topics above effectively with trauma-recoverers
and low-nurturance families:
Each
trait can be intentionally developed over time, within the clinician's limits.
Here's some perspective on each trait:
Trait 1: Ongoing
Self-awareness
How
would you define awareness to an average 11-year-old? Compared to the
awareness practiced by veteran Zen students, average adults in our
over-stimulated, hyperactive culture are largely
unaware
of themselves and their environment. This is a fundamental stressor in all
low-nurturance families and organizations. One reason clients seek clinical
help is because (Self-led) professionals are more aware than they
are, and can facilitate their "in-sight."
Premise - most (all?) adults and kids have a constantly active
subself. Like a competent news reporter or scientist, its innate talents are
to...
-
be steadily, objectively aware of
inner and outer environmental realities and dynamics now and over time; and to...
-
report
them clearly and accurately without interpretation to other
subselves
so they can decide what to do next.
Options - (a) use
to guide this
talented subself toward improved self and
environmental present-moment awareness, and (b) teach receptive clients to
do the same.
"Self awareness" has several components: thoughts + emotions + "senses" +
bodily sensations + needs + inner-family composition and dynamics +
active-subself attitudes and priorities. Awareness of these dynamic, concurrent
variables can focus on (a) the present moment and on (b) patterns in them over time
(patterns and "habits").
Experiment with this
to help build your personal awareness, and consider modeling and teaching it to
family-members, clients, and
colleagues. Undistracted journaling, meditation, professional massage,
retreats in natural settings, and reflective movement like Tai Chi help to
evolve nonjudgmental awareness of current thoughts, feelings, needs, and
sensory information. The core
requisite here is for clinicians' ruling subselves to want to develop their levels of
awareness.
Inner-family Awareness
From
17 years' study and personal and clinical experience, a core premise in this
clinical model is that normal (vs. "pathological") personalities are composed of
talented, dynamic subselves or "parts," like members of an
orchestra or sports team. Subselves range at any moment from inactive to
active, and cause our thoughts, emotions, needs, senses, some bodily
reactions, and most non-autonomic behaviors.
A crucial variable for clinicians
and each client is which subselves
this "inner family" situationally and over time - the
resident
and other
or some
and their well-meaning
- a
Once
clinicians understand, validate, and accept the inner-family concept, they need to (a) evolve an accurate
roster their
subselves, and (b) intentionally
develop habitual awareness of which subselves are guiding their personality
in and out of client sessions.
For an initial sense of who's leading your personality subselves recently,
meditate on this and
this.
For a more thorough exploration, study this
slide
presentation, follow the links
here, and invest
in this
If
you're skeptical about the concept, read my
letter to you, and try this
safe, interesting exercise.
Status Check
To
make this essential awareness requisite less abstract, meditate on
which of these best describes you now: T(rue), F(alse), or
? [I'm not sure, or it depends on (what?)]
I feel well-grounded in
the idea of normal personality subselves now, and how they "behave"
or I am highly motivated to learn more about this and how
to apply it now. (T F ?)
I'm usually clear on
which of
determines my personal and professional
goals, values, and behaviors, or I'm proactively working
to become clear on this now. (T F ?)
I'm skilled at
whether clients and colleagues are controlled by false selves now,
or I'm making significant progress at acquiring
and practicing this vital skill. (T F ?)
I'm presently (a)
comfortable with, and (b) fluent at describing, the six false-self
this site proposes as being a primary cause of personal, family, and
societal "problems;" or I'm proactively working to
become more comfortable and fluent with these wounds.
(T F ?)
Because of the core impact of
personality subselves on clinical dynamics, I believe that clinicians
need to be comfortable with and adept at providing intrapsychic
(individual) + dyadic + and family therapy to their clients for best
outcomes. (T F ?)
If these traits don't describe
my co-workers and professional colleagues now,
I'm strongly motivated to
encourage them to evaluate the
[wounds + ignorance]
and what
it
to our ourselves, our families, our clients, our profession, and our
society. (T F ?)
I'm confidant that my
true Self just
to these items. (T F ?) If not, who did?
Pause and reflect what you're aware of now - what are your subselves
Another essential aspect of self-awareness is...
Awareness of Your
(Subselves') Key Attitudes
As
you know, attitudes are un/conscious opinions of something's or
someone's...
For
simplicity, we often use the shorthand "good > bad," "healthy >
unhealthy," and "right > wrong" to express concurrent
general or specific attitudes.
Your attitudes come from your dominant subselves, and affect every aspect of
your life and work. Attitudes range from nourishing and healthy to toxic and
lethal.
Two groups of attitudes are key
in providing effective human-service work to trauma-recoverers and divorcing-family and
stepfamily clients. One has to do with "appropriate" professional therapy
focuses, modalities, standards, and practices. The other has to do with
themselves. To illustrate this large subject,
rate yourself on
these typical
attitudes in each domain. Then imagine assessing each client adult
strategically for their attitudes on these
key subjects, and deciding
if, when, and how to help raise their self-awareness of them.
Changing someone's attitude - including your own - is a complex and
potentially-useful intervention. Do you have an effective way of doing that
now? One approach is to identify which subself or subselves "owns"
the target attitude, and use respectful
to negotiate with him/her to adopt a healthier belief.
Pause for a moment and reflect - what are your subselves
now?
To augment inner awareness, effective clinicians also develop...
Trait 2:
Process (Environmental) Awareness
Process
awareness is being habitually conscious of dynamic variables in me +
in you + between us + around us - now, and over time. This
consciousness is provided by the tireless
and other active subselves. Key process variables include...
-
(a)
what am I thinking, feeling, sensing, hearing, smelling, doing,
and needing; (b) what are my breathing and body telling me now, and
(c) which subselves are guiding my personality now and over time?
-
(a)
what do you
seem to be thinking, feeling, sensing, hearing, smelling, and
needing; (b) what is your body doing now (e.g. posture, eye contact,
voice dynamics, breathing, etc.); and (c) which subselves seem to be
guiding your personality now and over time?; and...
-
what are our recent, current, and chronic
communication dynamics?
e.g. -
-
what are we focused on (e.g. surface or
primary needs?), and how does that relate to (a) the client's
presenting problems, and/or (b) what I think the client needs to
learn and/or be
of?
-
each participant's current
and do they
-
do we each / all have two-person
or something else?
-
where are each of us focused: the past,
the present, or the future?
-
are we each receiving believable
or something else?
-
are we communication
If not, why, and
what are my options?
-
Is anyone in this session significantly
distracted so they can't focus on our work? If so, what do they
need now? "Distraction" usually results from several subselves ignoring
the Self (capital "S") and "talking over" each other about differing
perceptions, needs, and priorities. If this is chronic, clients may be
unaware of being unfocused and grounded until the clinician asks them to
breathe, reflect, and identify any physical, emotional, and/or mental
"distractions."
Effective clinical training and
supervision will
motivate clinicians to learn to automatically monitor these
concurrent process variables, and develop wise judgment about when to act on
their awareness in every situation.
Recall
why you're reading this, and
continue with a summary of special clinical skills required for each
phase of the work with these clients. Do you need a break first?
+ + +
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The
Web address of this two-page article is http://sfhelp.org/etx/req/intro.htm