Option - keep a journal or log as you study
these assignments to note your reactions and discoveries. Your log can provide a source of helpful
awareness in the future.
Knowledge Check
To begin, check which of these best describes you now:
__ I
know all I need to know about how families "work"
(function)
__ I
know most of what I need to know about how families
"work"
__ I
don't know enough about how families "work"
__ The
other adults in my family know enough about how families
"work." (Yes / No / ?)
__
We're teaching our young people all they need to know
about families ( Y / N / ? )
Now - get
undistracted, and complete these assignments in order. Take your
time!. Option - if you have any questions about
families, jot them down now. See if this Lesson reveals the
answers.
LESSON-5
"Assignments"
- study these in order...
__ 1)
what's
unique about family
relationships?
__ 2)
what
you already know about families (a
quiz); and...
__ 3)
answers to
questions adults should ask about families. Then...
__ 4)
review _ the vital difference between
surface needs and primary
needs (Lesson 4), and _ what all family members
need. And learn...
__ 5)
the
traits of typical high-nurturance
families. Were you raised in one?
__ 6)
study the lethal [wounds + unawareness]
cycle that your family may
have inherited.
__ 7)
learn about family roles and rules - they promote
harmony or discord.
__ 8)
review
- perspective on personal and family
boundaries. And study...
__ 9)
learn family-systems concepts, and how to benefit from them.
__ 10)
Learn how and why to make and use a
family mission or vision statement.
Do your adults know what you all are trying to accomplish with
your family long-term?
__ 11)
Review why and how to make healthy family policies on
grieving and
anger.
__ 12) How and why to hold effective
family
meetings - a potential source of satisfaction and pride.
And learn about...
__ 13)
the hazards
of maintaining family secrets - do
you have any?
__ 14)
review
- the impact of toxic vs.
nurturing religion. (Lesson 1)
__ 15)
review
- options for improving communications with
adults and
kids (Lessons 2 and
6)
__ 16)
distinguishing the three levels
of family-relationship problems
__ 17)
review
- these options for
analyzing and
improving (family)
relationships (Lesson 4)
__ 18)
review this
menu of common relationship
problems and solutions (Lesson 4)
__ 19)
review these
options for dealing with scapegoating, being a "black
sheep," and/or bullying..
__ 20)
scan or read this perspective on problems with
kids leaving home to live on their
own
__ 21) Review
these options or having "good enough" family
gatherings and vacations after death, desertion, divorce, or
other calamity.
__ 22) avoid or resolve
legal battles between
family members
__ 23)
retake this
quiz about families to see what you've
learned here; and....
__ 24)
Now -
decide if you want to use the ideas in this
Lesson to
improve your family's nurturance level.
NOTE
that many of these ideas pertain to your
of personality subselves (Lesson 1, Part 3)
Pause,
breathe, and reflect - what are you feeling and thinking
now? What did you learn from studying these
ideas? Has anything shifted in the way you view your
childhood family? Your present family? Your ancestors?
Knowledge Check
Check which of these best describes you now:
__ I
know all I need to know about how families "work"
(function)
__ I
know most of what I need to know about how families
"work"
__ I
don't know enough about how families "work"
__ The
other adults in my family know enough about how families
"work." (Yes / No / ?)
__
We're teaching our young people all they need to know
about families ( Y / N / ? )
Compare your
answers here to the Knowledge Check at the
top of this page. Has anything changed?
Options
The basic question posed by this Lesson is:
"Do you want to do anything to raise your family's
nurturance level now?" Here are some options, using
ideas from Lessons 1 thru 5:
-
teach all your
adults about Grown Wounded
Children and the lethal [wounds + unawareness]
cycle, Then
evaluate if it's affecting your family by reviewing your
family tree for
symptoms.
-
identify which
of your members carry significant psychological wounds,
and decide what to do about that. Pay special
attention to wound 6:
difficulty
bonding and loving.
-
intentionally work to
improve the effectiveness of communication
among our family members.
-
discuss and agree on a
family mission statement - and
use it!
-
resolve any significant
family-membership (inclusion / exclusion)
conflicts
-
evolve and implement a
strategy to resolve or prevent _ loyalty conflicts, _
relationship triangles, and _ values conflicts
-
clarify who makes the
important decisions in your family
-
clarify and implement a
family policy about healthy grief
-
assess family members for
symptoms of incomplete grief, and help each other
finish any
(lesson 3)
-
define and implement a
family policy about feeling and expressing anger and
frustration
-
educate family members on
addictions, and confront any addicted members
-
review these
options for
dealing with black sheep, scapegoats, and bullying (not
speaking)
-
experiment with periodic
family meetings
-
make a family
genogram and
discuss it with all your members
-
teach members how to make
and use structural diagrams.
.
-
assess your family
members for role
confusion, role strain, rand role conflicts, and help
each other correct any of these.
-
assess your family for
significant secrets, and work together to eliminate the
fears, guilts, and shame that cause them.
-
If you have kids
in your family, invite all your adults to study and
discuss
-
effective parenting.
-
ask your other family adults to study and discuss Lessons 1
thru 5 or 6 in this online course.
This list
of family-improvement options is suggestive, not
exhaustive. Notice your reaction to these
options: Boredom? Skepticism, Indifference? Enthusiasm?.
How important is your family's nurturance level to your
adults?
Recap
This
is the study guide for Lesson 5 of 7 - evolve
a high-nurturance family. It provides basic information
about family systems, structure, and dynamics that many
adults don't know. The lesson starts and ends with a quiz to
gauge how much you think you know about these vital family basics.
This study guide ends with an array of practical
ways you can use the ideas in online lessons 1
thru 5.
The next two lessons build on this one -
Lesson 6 proposes
keys to effective parenting, and Lesson 7 outlines options
for
evolving a high-nurturance stepfamily.
Learn something
about yourself -
answer this 1-question anonymous
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article?
Did you get what you needed? If not, what
you need? Who's
these questions - your
or
Prior
page
/
Lesson-5 links /
Print page
The Web address of this article is
https://sfhelp.org/fam/guide5.htm
Objective - learn how families "function," so
you can assess and improve your family's nurturance
level, and avoid passing on the [wounds + unawareness] cycle
to your descendants.