About Bonds and Losses
Humans are born with the ability to attach - to care about, take interest in, and enjoy special places, rituals, ideas, dreams, experiences, and living and physical things. As life unfolds, these mild to intense attachments or bonds get broken by choice or chance. That upsets and distracts us a little or a lot, until we accept (a) the loss and (b) what the broken bond means to us and others we care about. Then we can form new bonds.
This natural acceptance process - grief or mourning - occurs mentally, emotionally, and for some, spiritually. Mourning is automatic, unless the per-son has (a) significant psychological wounds, (b) isn't aware of their feelings, and (c) lives in an "anti-grief" environment. When grieving is hindered, it can promote serious emotional, physical, and relationship problems like depressions; "numbness;" sleep, digestive, and mood disorders; addictions; "rage attacks," and obesity.
Some survivors of a low-nurturance (dysfunctional) childhood are so wounded they are unable to bond, so they pretend to grieve to appear "nor-mal." Other survivors live in families where healthy grief is discouraged.
Lesson 3 here provides a way to (a) learn "good grief" basics; (b) as-sess for incomplete grief and free it up; and (c) evolve a "pro-grief" home and family together over time. All families and relationships evolve a policy (rules) about how to deal with losses. Can you describe your present family's grieving policy? Can your kids?