Choose a place and
time where you won't be distracted, and print a copy of this
checklist.
See if you
feel
a mix of these traits: centered, grounded, peaceful, alert, awake, "up,"
con-fident, "light,"
focused, purposeful, resilient, realistic, compassionate, serene, calm,
strong, and clear. If so, your true Self is probably
guiding your
If you don't feel some of these
now, expect
skewed results from this checklist.
Pick one or two people you want to rate (e.g. you, your
partner, an ex mate, a parent,...). Then thoughtfully
check each of the traits below that
generally fits them.
Note your
attitude
as you start: this is
not about blame or "badness," it’s about discovering
long-term opportunities
to heal and succeed.
Take your time, and note any feelings and thoughts that
occur to you as you go. Consider
journaling about these to add to your learnings.
Typical
Behavioral Traits
of False-self Wounds
Note the theme of each of these traits, rather than taking them
too literally. There are many variations.
__ __ 1) S/He
usually thinks in black-or-white
("bi-polar") terms: s/he sees things as either right or wrong, good
or bad, relevant or not, logical or "stupid" - not somewhere between, or
a mix. S/He's mildly to very uneasy with ambivalence, vagueness, or
uncertainty.
__ __ 2) S/He is
often a (compulsive) perfectionist.
Achieving perfection is just "normal" (vs. special); S/He has
trouble enjoying personal achievements, and is often uncomfortable accepting
merited appreci-ation and praise.
__ __ 3)
S/He
is often rigid and inflexible. S/He thinks obsessively, and/or acts compulsively, even if personally unpleasant,
unnecessary, or unhealthy; or s/he is overly passive and
compliant fearing to take personal, social, and occupational initiatives
and risks.
__ __ 4) S/He is
usually serious, intellectual, and
analytic, wanting to understand life and situations, and know in detail why
things are as they are. S/He may be interested in psychology, counseling, and/or
study and discuss human behavior "endlessly."
__ __ 5) S/He is
often confused, disorganized,
overwhelmed,
and
helpless; or is fiercely independent,
controlling, and overcompetent. S/He depends excessively on,
or chronically procrastinates or avoids seeking appropriate medical, psychological, social, and/or spiritual
help (self
neglect);
__ __ 6) S/He is uncomfortable being
silly, spontaneous,
or childlike ("doesn't know how to play"),
or is frequently
silly, simplistic, childish, and joking. S/He is uncomfortable with, and frequently
avoids, prolon-ged emotionally-intimate personal contacts.
__ __ 7)
S/He
is extremely responsible
(over-willing to take charge, organize, and fix things, even if personally taxing);
or
frequently irresponsible and undependable; and probably denies,
minimizes, or rationalizes (explains) doing either one.
__ __ 8) S/He
often has trouble feeling and/or
expressing strong emotions, and/or tolerating them in others - specially
anger, hurt, fear, and sadness. S/He
often
feels "nothing," or
has frequent unpredic-table or inappropriate outbursts of rage,
sadness, weeping,
depression,
and/or anxiety.
S/He may never apologize, or
apologizes all the time.
__ __ 9) S/He
compulsively
needs to
control personal
emotions, key relationships, and interpersonal situations. S/He is overly aggressive,
demanding, and domineering,
or subtly, persistently
manipulative - e.g. using
guilt-trips or a "helpless
victim" stance, striving
to "always" get her/his way. Where true, s/he
probably denies, minimizes, defends, jokes about, or rationalizes this.
__ __ 10) S/He
has significant
memory gaps
about early childhood years, events, and one or both par-ents. S/He knows
little about one or both parents' childhood experiences and feelings, and finds
that unimportant or unremarkable.
__ __ 11) S/He's
socially
very shy or very
adept, and has few or no real (intimate) friends. S/He has
a history of relationship avoidances and/or
break-ups, /s.
S/He feels high discomfort with interpersonal commitment and/or
intimacy, and consistently denies, minimizes, or rationalizes (intellec-tually
explains and justifies) this.
__ __ 12) S/He
may be
sexually dysfunctional
- e.g. impotent, frigid, or compulsively avoids sexual con-tact;
or
s/he
is harmfully seductive and promiscuous, and/or secretly uncomfortable with,
or ashamed of, her or his gender, body (parts), sexual feelings
and fantasies, and/or
behavior. S/He may have been sexu-ally
or traumatized as a child or young adult.
__ __ 13) S/He
"never gets sick,"
or
suffers chronic illnesses like migraines or other headaches, back, neck, or
other muscle pain; insomnia or apnea, obesity; asthma; gastric, intestinal, or colon
problems; anxiety attacks; phobias; allergies, or other emotional or physical maladies
which may not respond to appropriate medications or therapies.
__ __ 14) S/He is
significantly uncomfortable about revealing
personal thoughts, feelings, and experi-ences (is excessively
distrustful, or
often discloses personal things inappropriately (naive, insensitive,
and overtrusting)
__ __ 15)
S/He
is uncomfortable giving, getting,
and/or observing affectionate and appropriate touching and hugging
(is "stiff" or "cold"),
and/or often touches others dutifully, awkwardly or inappropriately.
__ __ 16) S/He
often avoids personal conflicts
with or between others by changing or controlling the conversation, getting intensely
angry, "collapsing," or withdrawing physically and/or emotionally
("num-bing out"); or s/he seems to often enjoy triggering
or experiencing conflict (i.e. excitement and drama) with or between others.
__ __ 17) S/He is compulsive about
and/or is or was addicted to one or more of these:
The Web address of this
two-page checklist is
http://sfhelp.org/gwc/1_gwctraits.htm
Inner-wound Self-Assessment
Checklists