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https://sfhelp.org/gwc/4_grouptraits.htm
Updated 02-03-2015
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This is one of a
series of articles on Lesson 1 in
this Web site - free your
true Self
to guide you in calm and conflictual times, and
reduce
significant psychological wounds. This is one of several
checklists which are designed to help people assess for
significant wounds.
This worksheet
compares typical behavioral traits of members of low-nurturance
("dysfunctional") and
high-nurturance ("functional") social groups like families, workplaces, schools,
neighborhoods, and church communities. This 2-part YouTube video
provides perspective on what you'll find
in this wound-assessment worksheet:
The worksheet assumes you're familiar with...
the intro to this Web site, and the
premises
underlying it
See how you feel about these opinions - A = "I agree," "D = "I
disagree,", and ? = "I'm not sure."If you're not sure,
follow the links for more perspective.
Families have existed in every age and culture
because they fill a set if primal psychological, physical, and
spiritual needs better than other
human groups. Filling needs (reducing discomforts) is called nurturance. Some families are better at nurturing their
members than others. (A D ?)
Many adults and older kids are
significantly-wounded
survivors of
too little early-childhood nurturance. A false self
develops naturally when a child or young adult doesn't get their
physical, emotional, and developmental
needs met consistently enough. (A D ?)
Unless
wounded co-parents dissolve their
protective
denials and
commit to meaningful personal
heeling, they
risk (a) unintentionally deprivingtheirdependentkids of
essential nurturance, and (b)
passing on significant psychological wounds as their
caregivers and ancestors did. (A D ?)
Typical kids who get too
little nurturance
will
display (a) some of the group-related behaviors in the table below, and
(b) some of these typical behaviors of
wounded
individuals. (A D ?)
Concerned adults often see these behaviors as
signs that "something's wrong" with the child,
rather than with the
child's primary caregivers. Where this is true, changes pushed on the child
[medication, harsh discipline, withholding prized things (or threatening to),
grounding, shaming, "giving up," etc.] will probably increase the "problem behaviors."
(A D ?)
A quick test for anygroup's
nurturance level("functionality") is to judge on a continuum (low
> moderate > high) the average primary emotions
most members usually feel in a group
after
they adjust to it. Many variables affects the validity of
this premise, sothis checklist is a rough indicator of
group-leader and group-member
wholistic health. It is
not
proof.
Worksheet Directions
Choose a comfortable setting, and
block off at least 30" of undistracted, clear-minded time;
Check to see if your
true Self
is
guiding
your
other subselves
now. If not, your worksheet results are apt to be skewed. For
ideas about freeing your true Self, see Lesson 1 in this Web site.
Focus on (a) a present or past child or adult (including you),
and on (b) a group s/he
actively participated in regularly - e.g. a home, family, school,
church, committee, club, team, or workplace.
Then check the emotions or attitudes
you feel the person usually experience/d as they participate/d.
This is about discovery and
recovery, about blaming anyone!
High-nurturance
Group Traits: Leaders
are probably
Grown Nurtured
Children (GNCs) Typical members are...
Low-nurturance
Group Traits: Leaders
are probably
Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) Typical members are...
_ Serene / peaceful in the group
_ Calm / relaxed / at ease in the group
_ Self-confident / Self assured / sure
_ Appropriately proud of membership
_ Energetic / interested in group activities
_ Responsible (in group roles and tasks)
_ Sociable / sharing in the group
_ Spontaneous / free
_ Trusting / open
_ Cooperative / team player
_ Recognized / appreciated by others
_ Loyal / accepted / involved with others
_ Important / valued / needed by others
_ Competent / adequate / able
_ Happy / satisfied / fulfilled (usually)
_ Hopeful / optimistic / motivated (usually)
_ Safe / secure in the group
_ Challenged / stimulated / alive
_ Nervous / anxious / worried
_ Stressed / tense / uneasy
_ Self-doubting / ambivalent / uncertain
_ (Very) ashamed / guilty
_ Apathetic / bored
_ Defensive / irresponsible
_ Isolated / extra shy / withdrawn
_ Rigid / over-controlling
_ Secretive / suspicious / on guard
_ Resistant / defiant / rebellious / loner
_ Ignored / discounted / unappreciated
_ Detached / rejected / indifferent
_ Invisible / unwanted / unimportant
_ Incompetent / inadequate / unable
_ Upset / frustrated / unfulfilled
_ Despairing / gloomy / apathetic
_ Unsafe / uneasy / insecure
_ Overwhelmed / disinterested / "dead"
_ Looks forward to / enjoys being in the group
_ Dreads going to / "hates" being in the group
The
more "high nurturance" traits your subject often displays relative to their
family or other target group, the more likely it is that the group leader/s
is/are wholistically-healthy Grown Nurtured
Children (GNCs).
Conversely,the more "low nurturance" traits your target person displays or feels relative to their group, the more
likely it is they're being unintentionally
deprived from filling important core needs
there and/or in one or more other important current groups,
like their family, school, team, church, club, and/or social set.
From
clinical experience since 1981, I propose one of
five reasons that millions of typical U.S.
marriages and families are significantly stressed and troubled is that one or more
adults (a) suffer significant
psychological wounds, and (b) they don't (want to) know that or what it
means.
Lesson 1
here is designed to
help
detect these wounds
and offer an effective framework for self-motivated personal
healing
- "parts work," or
inner-family therapy. Assessing for significant wounds is
a keystone couples need to work at to make wisecommitment choices for themselves and
their descendents.
Recap
This is one of several worksheets to help you
assess yourself or someone
else for significant psychological wounds. This worksheet contrasts typical
behaviors in members in high-nurturance (functional) and low-nurturance (wounded)
groups, including families. Do all the assessment worksheets before drawing a
conclusion about yourself and your group.
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get
what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's
answering
these questions - your
true Self,
or
''someone else''?