Effective "Parts Work": The Basics
p. 6 of 9

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More ways to communicate with your subselves...

Using Physical Feelings (Body Signals)

        To express themselves, some subselves use headaches, stomach aches, facial tics, muscle tight-ness and cramps, diarrhea or constipation, tingling, goose bumps, "skin prickling," rashes, jaw clenching, local skin warmth, flushing, or coldness, numbness, heart pounding, nausea, faintness, and other physical reactions. Experiment with this idea and form your own conclusions.

Body Memories

        Premise - some (all?) people store records of past traumatic events in certain muscle groups. These body memories can be triggered by external events (music, activities, sights, smells, etc.), internal events, or tactile experiences. Massage therapists and chiropractors are familiar with clients feeling spontaneous waves of anger, sadness, or fear when certain body areas are touched or manipulated.

        Amputees report body memories of their lost limbs. Physical and sexual-abuse survivors often exper-ience uncomfortable spontaneous body memories (burning, hyperventilating, pressure, pain, gagging) - without any clear connection to related thoughts or non-physical memories.

        These experiences may be caused by activated subselves who need inner and/or social attention. They use certain body parts or sensations as communication channels. As with flashbacks (below), these signals can be understood and acted upon appropriately, with respectful practice.

Flashbacks

        A flashback is a spontaneous multi-sense re-living of (vs. remembering) a past trauma. It is a power-ful combination of physical sensations, memories, thoughts, and emotions that can feel momentarily over-whelming. Sexual and ritual abuse-survivors often report unexpected flashbacks, which can be feel disori-enting, frightening, and embarrassing. They may increase for a while with parts work before receding. 

        Flashbacks may be caused by Vulnerable and/or related Guardian subselves living in the past, who are agitated about an actual or expected event that reminds them of the past trauma. Flashbacks and body memories are both examples of normal false-self dominance. 

        They each offer the chance to go inside and ask "Would the subself who’s giving me (the specific sensations) make itself known to me now?" When a part responds, the next step is to ask "Why are you doing this? What do you want me to know (or do)?" Over time, dialogs like this often invite well-planned re-doings, and/or rescuing subselves from eternally reliving past trauma.

        Noting physical reactions can be specially helpful in initial contacts and trust-building with cautious  subselves. If they’re not ready to use thoughts or images, they may give you a body signal. For instance, if you get quiet, and ask within: "Will the part of me who causes me to procrastinate show itself now?," stay alert for any noticeable reaction like a sudden tightness in your stomach or throat muscles, a tremor in one foot, a "fluttering" of your heart, eyes watering, a "catch" in your breath or throat, a "sinking feeling," or similar.

        If you do notice a physical reaction, work with it: e.g. "Are you causing the tingling in my right hand?" If you get "Yes," ask "What do you need from me now?" - then listen. If "No," try "Can you show or tell me who is making my hand tingle (or causing a flashback, headache, or any other sign) now?"

        Once your subselves begin to know and trust you (i.e. your Self), they often like agreeing on a safe way to get your attention if they need something. One way of doing this is to have them give you an accep-table physical signal - like a yawn, a sigh, a muscle twinge, an itch, or whatever. The next time you notice the sign, get quiet and focus on that subself to see what it needs. For subselves who have never felt empa-thically noticed before, this can feel as miraculous as an island castaway finding a working videophone.

Dreams, Hunches, and Intuitions

        Decoding the meaning of dreams has fascinated people in all cultures and Eras. Try out the idea that one of your subselves is your ''Dream Maker'' (Fantasizer) who wants to help you in their own way. What are they trying to tell you with dreams and fantasies? What if every element in a dream is a part of you, perhaps using a symbolic image? The field of Gestalt therapy explores this idea in depth.

        Do you have hunches, intuitions, and instincts? Most of us experience mild or strong "senses" or "knowings" at times, which may be signals from one or more subselves. These may be...

• the "still, small voice" of a Spiritual part (e.g. a Guardian Angel, Indwelling Christ or Buddha, Higher Power, Spirit Totem, Wise One, or Higher Self), and/or...

• another way our Self uses to guide us; and/or...

• communiqués from a pre-verbal subself.

        Becoming intentionally aware of these non-verbal inner messages is one benefit of personal medi-tation. Options -

• practice non-critical self-awareness and sensitivity to these "inner telegrams"

• experiment with (a) identifying and dialoging empathically with the subselves that cause them, and (b) following their messages and noting the outcomes, and ...

• note and learn from your subselves' reactions to doing these steps.

Using your Moods and Emotions

        Learning to notice, differentiate, and name your current emotions is a powerful parts-work tool. Some people do this easily and others have to develop their abilities. On a scale of 1 to 10, how easy is noting and naming your specific current emotions now? ___

        Try out the idea that each of your subselves (including your Self) has it’s own unique emotions at any given time. One implication is that - because you probably have well over a dozen parts - you can have several different emotions at once without being "crazy." This explains the confusing experiences of "lov-ing" and "hating" someone, or wanting to do something and to avoid it at the same time. (Ever happen to you?) Many inner-family clients have reported feeling better saying something like "Part of me is really angery (or depressed, sad, confused, anxious, etc.) vs. "I’m so angerY!"

        With practice, you can learn to name and sort out your current emotions and identify which subsel-ves are causing them. This skill helps in identifying subselves who distrust and blend with (disable) your true Self. 

        Any time you experience significant emotions and perhaps related body sensations, you can "go inside" and ask "Who’s feeling so ________ now?" Once you know which subself is causing a particular feeling, your Self can explore what they currently need, and why.

        Often, just being noticed and respectfully heard by your Self and perhaps a trusted outside person enables an over-excited ("emotional") part to calm down. This frees your Self to lead effectively.

        Are moods different than emotions for you? For some people, a mood describes having certain fee-lings and energy levels (low to high) for a significant period of time. The inner-family concept suggests that moods other than serenity are periods when one or more Inner Kids and/or Guardian subselves disable your Self and govern your glands, emotions, and thoughts.

Implication: by identifying and working to soothe and satisfy needy subselves, your Self can learn to intentionally shift out of unpleasant moods. This contrasts to the widespread practice of using expen-sive "mood control" (e.g. "anti-depression") medications. If you developed this mood-moderating ability, how would it affect the quality of your life?

        We’ve just reviewed the wide range of ways your Self can communicate with your other dedicated subselves. Before learning how to do so, do you need a break?

First Meetings: "What Should I Ask?"

        Imagine you’ve just inherited control of a small business, and you want to meet the staff. How would you do that? What would you want to know? How long would it take? When would you be "done"? Meeting your inner family of talented subselves is just the same, with some "extras."

        Key attributes of each of your subselves include:

Approximate age Main responsibilities ("jobs") Inner-family allegiances Key abilities, gifts, & talents Type of part Key beliefs Origin	Gender (if any) Image (if any) Preferred title or name How they communicate Time zone  (past or present) "Enemies" and allies Frustrations and needs
Degree of awareness of other subselves, and of common goals Degree of current awareness of, and/or trust in, your true Self Guardians: who are they protecting, and why?

        Initial interviews can focus on learning (a) these and similar attributes, and (b) how each subself responds to being interviewed respectfully.

        If you have, say, 20 or more subselves on your team (which is common), getting to know each of them is a significant project. This is partly true because (a) some distrustful parts may mislead you (your Self) to see how you react, before disclosing themselves honestly; and/or (b) others will observe, and won’t show themselves at all for weeks or months until they feel safe enough.

Build an Inner-Family Roster

        Inventorying your subselves involves (a) making an initial roster from the table here, and (b) focusing on each of them one at a time to learn the above (and other) traits. You’ll evolve answers to some interview questions intuitively and quickly, and others from a series of meetings over time.

        A client I’ll call Alice developed a physical notebook with a fact page on each of her 15+ parts. She had an entry on each page for the variables above - including "I don’t know," or "unsure so far." She found the notebook helpful in keeping clear on her crew members while she first met them. After several months of parts work, she no longer needed to maintain and refer to her "personnel file."

        Another client created a colorful collage of symbols of many of her parts - magazine pictures, car-toons, childhood snapshots, and small physical objects. Some of her younger parts loved making and having it!

        After beginning her own parts work, an artist client brought me a 1976 news clipping from her gallery. It described an artist who had painted her 15 "inner selves" - long before meeting an "inner child" became OK. (Incidentally, none of her portrayed selves were kids... ).

        There are many ways of building a description of your dynamic and talented inner team. Some peo-ple keep their subself roster internal and don’t do anything physical like the examples above. Note that composing an "inner staff" roster can be fun - even playful, rather than some heavy psychological task! Your unique style will shape what form/s your inner-family album takes. The point here is: learn clearly who’s traveling on your internal "bus," who’s (usually) driving it, and with what results?

Inner Anarchy and Unblending

        Inner Family Systems pioneer Dr. Richard Schwartz proposes that agitated subselves can paralyze, push aside, or blend with our Self in situations they see as threatening. Blending is most pronounced when several upset subselves vie for control of your Self, other subselves, and your body.

        My clinical and personal experience affirms that blending happens regularly to most of us. When it does, we lose our Self’s wisdom and balanced perspective, and feel, see, and think what the controlling subselves do. This is like a skilled teacher being temporarily shoved aside or "taken over" by one or more scared, angery, bored, or insecure students, who then try to run their class successfully. (Some class-mates might love this for a while...)

        Some people rarely blend, some do "once in a while," some do several times a day or week, and some GWCs have been controlled by a false self their entire lives. The latter adults can’t recall or even imagine the experience of being unblended (below). So "unblending" can refer to situational instances of freeing your Self from dominant subself, or it can mean discovering the clarity and serenity of an unhinder-ed Self for the first time ever.

        How often does a well-intentioned, distrustful false self rule you? How does that affect the quality of your daily life and relationships?

Initial Awareness

        The parts-work skill of unblending begins with growing your conscious awareness that your Self is not in steady control now. How can you tell when this happens? Your current feelings and actions are the keys.

When your unblended Self (capital "S") is guiding you, you feel some mix of calm, centered, grounded, confident, awake, energized, alert, "up," clear, focused, resilient, realistically optimistic, "in the present moment," and aware. Any time you feel "significantly different" than that in the present mo-ment, a false self is probably in charge. This has to be a subjective judgment.

        In this stress-prevention Web site, family Lesson 1 focuses on understanding, accepting, learning to assess, and patiently reducing significant false-self wounds. There are 11 self-assessment worksheets for assessing indirect wound-symptoms (personal behaviors, group behaviors, and family-tree traits); and direct symptoms of each individual wound.

        Once you decide you’re significantly wounded (controlled by a false self), what can you do? First, get clearer on which of two conditions is usually true for you:

Inner Anarchy vs. Blending

        Two inner situations can cause the same false-self symptoms. If you have two or more overexcited parts "talking" or fighting at once, there may or may not be blending. Seek to learn "Is this just inner uproar without blending, or has one or more subselves blended with my Self (‘Me’)?"

        In other words, are multiple students in the classroom rioting with the teacher still free to lead, or has the teacher (your Self) been infused with the feelings, beliefs, and immediate needs of one or more sub-selves (i.e. blended)?

        In the first case, the appropriate parts-work strategy is "crowd management," like your model  "hero/ine" would probably do. If you sense from the intensity of your thoughts or feelings - or just "knowing" - that blending has happened, then the "step aside" strategy (below) is most helpful.

        If you’re not sure what’s going on, ask your subselves to tell or show you what’s happening. Recall that hunches and intuitions are normal inner-family communications. Asking for spiritual insight or guidan-ce is another option here, if you’re not clear enough on what feels "right" at the moment. Notice any re-sponse.

Freeing Your True Self (Unblending)

        If your Self is blended (taken over), it usually means that one or more other subselves need some-thing important now. These subselves are probably scared, hurt, shamed, confused, or protectively angery. Neither they nor their neediness are "bad"!

        If you think "I disagree," that’s probably your diligent Inner Critic doing her/his job. Usually subselves that blend don’t know about or trust your Self (and other competent Regular subselves like your Nurturer,   Achiever, and Warrior/Amazon) to fill their current needs. Both of these can change.

        Second, check your attitude: if you believe "I can learn to replace blending and inner-family anarchy with Self-trust and harmony," go ahead. If not, seek to meet the part who brings you that protective doubt,  and empathically (and persistently) negotiate for change.

        Third, go inside, and imagine or vision your Self in a state of blending. Recall how it feels when your Self is clear (the box above), and/or imagine the effective group leader you chose. As your unblended Self or excellent leader would do, directly and respectfully ask the part/s who are blending to trust you (your Self), and "step aside" or "move nearby." If they do, notice how your feelings and thoughts change. Thank them, and see what they need now.

        If they don’t step aside, compassionately accept this as a signal of their fear and protective distrust. Be alert at this point for another subself - e.g. your Inner Critic starting to badmouth the blending part/s (symptoms: blameful thoughts or angery feelings). If this happens, (a) clearly acknowledge the critic ["You really dislike and disrespect (the blending part/s) for taking over control now..."], and (b) firmly ask the critical subself to stop doing that now because it distracts you.

        If more than one subself is blending, focus on one at a time. Seek to learn clearly what they each need now. Listen empathically and patiently to what they say - or give them an undistracted chance to write, draw, yell (if you can) or otherwise express themselves.

        When you feel clear on what they feel and/or need, describe that to them clearly and simply ("You feel hopeless and really scared that we’ll never have any real friends - so we’ll always be alone, forever.") Note their reaction. My steady experience is that once such activated narrow-focused subselves feel re-spectfully noticed and heard (vs. agreed with), they will usually "step aside" from your Self.

Now What?

        Once you’ve identified and unblended and/or calmed your overexcited subselves, the general theme to follow is to listen respectfully to each, separate parts’ needs, reassure and prioritize, focus, and patient-ly problem-solve one thing at a time. Your resident Self is naturally skilled at doing this!

       If subselves are doubtful or skeptical of this now, patiently encourage them. Keep developing and practicing unblending and "riot control," use the Serenity Prayer, and keep the faith. You can develop a style that works reliably for you (all). Doing so will build your inner team's trust in your Self, other Mana-gers, and Higher Power, over time!

"Owning" and Naming Your Subselves

        When people begin parts work, they often talk about "the Self" or "the Scared Kid," as though their subselves existed "somewhere else." When encouraged to consciously shift their thoughts and language to "My Self," "My Guardians," and "My Pile of Dirt (part)," most clients have reported a positive shift in the feeling of their work. It becomes more intimate, personal, and real.

        It’s a challenge for most people to really believe that we all have a set of interdependent subselves that we can interact with. Using "the" instead of "my" to describe your subselves, or "it" instead of "he" or "she," can keep them abstract concepts (like "a thought") rather than aspects of you as real and vital as your liver or lungs. I assume you wouldn’t say "the (vs. my) foot aches" - or would you?

What’s in a Name?

        Another way of owning your subselves and making them more real and personal is to experiment with naming them. Your inner-family work may feel and proceed differently if you think and say (for in-stance) "Rhonda" rather than "My sad little six year-old." If they’re asked and feeling safe enough, some subselves will quickly announce a name and/or title they’d prefer to be known by.

        Other parts will seem - or be - indifferent. As with images, your Self forcing a name or title ("my Couch-potato") on a part without consulting them can feel insulting and disrespectful. How would you feel if an a key person declared "I’m going to call you Sluggo from now on, because I just like the sound of that"?

        In settling on subselves' names and titles, recall that key inner-family goals are to build group identity, pride, trust, and respect, over time. As a subself's self-image improves via parts work, it may be appropriate to have a christening party or ceremony to bequeath a more respectful and dignified name and/or title. One client (spontaneously) did just that, calling an inner "Board meeting" to announce and celebrate the transition of "My little Saboteur" to "Cindy, our Prayer Director."

        Inner-family names and titles are powerful because of un/conscious emotional associations. For in-stance, if the name "Lucy" reminds you of the daffy, lovable TV character played by Lucille Ball, it may feel shaming if applied to a female part of you who currently feels insecure or stupid.

        From time to time, empathically review the + / - emotional "tone" of the names and titles you’re using in your parts work. An option at any time is to ask one or all your subselves what they think, feel, or want about these important symbolic labels. It demonstrates your Self's respect for them and their individuality.

Continue general parts work techniques with "Re-Doing a Traumatic Event" Do you need a break first?

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Updated September 01, 2010