Your group of personality
subselves is
as unique as your fingerprints. Yet most of us have subselves who do
standard "jobs."They may be
called by a wide range of names, but their personality functions seem the same
in average people.
Three Groups of
Personality Parts
Our
subselves seem to fall into three type, which this
Web site callsManagers,
Inner Kids,
and Guardians.
Dr. Richard Schwartz and colleagues call them Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters.
While each subself has unique talents and limitations, its function and type
seem common across typical adults and kids. Manager and Guardian
subselves have two goals: to protect
us from signifi-cant discomfort and harm (as they see it), and to survive,
moment to moment.
The
Managers are
the "general staff" that guide us through daily life situations when
other sub-selves perceive no danger. A key premise here is that one of our
Managers
is a subself we'll call our true Self (capital
"S"), who's unique
natural talent is effective personality leadership.
This evolving subself can help us
be marvelously effective and serene, or s/he may be
blocked from doing so by other
upset, distrustful subselves. In this context,
the words "self" (small "s") means our
all subselves as a group, and "my self" (small "s") refers to all subselves
+ your soul and/or spirit + your body.
Our
Inner Kids are developmentally young, ranging from fetuses
to infants to teens. All our inner kids fit here:
most of us have several. Like physical children, they know little of the world, and are vulner-able to
unwise advice and decisions and distorted perceptions. Until
they feel internally known, valued, and consistently safe,
Inner Kids can be powerfully needy, intense, reactive, and noisy!
When they
react to something, Inner Children can infuse or "take over"
or
"blend with" our
Self (cap-ital "S"). When this happens,
we're flooded with this young part's intense emotions and motives and
nar-row worldview. We act impulsively and become "childish." Know anyone
like this?
To
protect our inner kids and us as a person,
our Guardian subselves stay constantly alert to ima-gined or actual
inner and outer dangers - even when we sleep. They're like a personal Green Beret or SWAT team of dedicated
specialists. One or more Guardians spring into action whenever they believe
that a young part is upset or may be in danger.
They too can disable our Self then,
often causing extreme reactions and behaviors that puzzle or harm us or
others ("I just don't know what got into me!").
Typical signs of Guardians in action are
failing,
"forgetting;"
spacing, blanking or numbing out, pro-crastinating, prolonged apathy
(grief?); rage or
panic "attacks;" screaming;
seduction; lying or stealing; abuse to self or others; excessive
worrying; idealizing and/or
fantasizing; some
depressions; some sleep, concentration, eating, and digestive disorders;
a range of
physical discomforts and conditions like mi-graines, tics, aches, and ulcers; delusions, phobias;
suicidal and
homicidal thoughts and impulses,
ad-dictions, and many more ...
Such harmful "protective"
actions may seem logically crazy or paradoxical. Most Guardian
subsel-ves seem to have their
own kind of logic.With narrow views and often badly distorted or outdated
infor-mation,they're fiercely dedicated to protecting us and
our naive, needy inner kids.
Guardian subselves only relax or change their roles when
they trust that our Self and other Reg-ulars can reliably keep our young
subselves
consistently safe. Building this trust over time, and
freeing your Self from blending to harmonize and lead your inner family
of subselves, is the goal of
"parts work"
(inner-family therapy).
Typical Subselves
Who makes up your talented inner family (personality)? Though each of us has a unique roster, some
subselves
seem to be common in function to us all.Some
functions or roles are done by one subself, and some by several. You
probably have some or many of these subselves - who do you recognize?
Each subself's purpose or
function is more important than its name.With some editing of these
three
groups, do you see the whole "You" here? Can you
envision your crew, gang, squad, team, com-mittee, tribe, or troop of subselves as an "inner
family"?
Each of us has a unique mix of subselves like these,
not allof them.
Review this interesting exer-cise called the
Johari Window to
help you identify and appreciate your multi-talented inner staff.
For
your perspective, about
80% of
the visitors to this site say "Yes, personality subselves are real,
without question." Who are you,
anyway? If "y'all" had a unified personality, I'd ask
"Who is you?"!
Higher
(Spiritual) Subselves:
A Fourth Group?
Many believe
every human has one or more
spiritual parts. These live in us, "somewhere
else," or both. People speak of special experiences with their "Higher
Self," a "Collective Unconscious," "Mastermind,"
"Soul," "Higher Power," the "One" or "Old
Ones,"
and/or a "Guardian Angel." Many followers of Jesus experience the
"indwelling Christ" or "Spirit within" guiding us by a "still,
small voice."
Millions of oriental and other peoples venerate and obey ancestral spirits.
Other millions seek their "Bud-dha Nature." Many Native Americans and others
know they have a "Totem," or "Spirit Guide" - a special visionry, spirit Being who watches over, guides, and protects them. In her
interesting 1990 book Recreating Your Self,
therapist Nancy Napier proposes that we can meet and be advised by our wise,
caring Future Self. For an interesting experience with yours, try
this.
Some people (i.e. their ruling
subselves) view such spiritual entities as ridiculous,
fanciful, or absurd. Other people are certain of them from personal
experience.Do you or could you have one or more spiritual
subselves who care
for, nurture, and protect you? How might they communicate with
you, or vice versa?
In his years of inner-family work with hundreds of
clients, Dr. Richard Schwartz reports experiences of some (not all) people becoming aware
of an external spiritual "council" or "watchers" that
provide wise,
caring guidance at crucial times. Could this be the source of the hunches
and intuition that most of us experience if we slow down enough to
notice? Are these our
GuardianAngels?
Why This is Relevant to You and Your Family
If
this inner family concept is new to you, what you have just read may
seem like abstract or fanciful ideas. Having studied and practiced
inner-family therapy
professionally for almost two decades, I now
agree with hun-dreds of
other clinicians
who feel that a disabled true Self and discordant
subselves cause most "mental health" and relationship problems. They may
also significantly affect some bodily conditions.
The implication is - people who get to know their inner crew, and
intentionally learn how to promote inner harmony under the wise guidance of
the resident true Self and other Managers and a benign Higher power, can
live significantly more peaceful, productive, wholistically-healthy lives.
A
vital corollary is that such people can also help their kids avoid the
pervasive [wounds + unawareness] cycle, develop and live from their true
Self, and avoid much personal, marital, and social stress and perhaps
illness.
The other Lesson-1 articles and resources offer much more detail on this concept and how to work effectively with
your subselves. From personal and professional experience, all
8 Lessons in this site are based on the concept of personality
subselves and pervasive false-self wounds.
The practical question I urge you to
research is this: have you been living under the control of a
well-mea-ning false self much or most of the time without knowing it? Has
your partner? Have other people who are im-portant to you? Are your kids
silently developing a set of false-self
wounds that will stress them for years and may shorten their lives?
Pause, reflect,
and notice the
"voices"
in your head now and any emotions that have come up. They are some of your
dynamic subselves reacting to these questions. Do you know who they are?
Reality Check
In
presenting these ideas to several hundred average people since 1992, I've
experienced a wide range of first reactions. Some people are skeptical or reject the ideas, and others say "This makes
complete sense to me!" See where you stand now: T = true, F = false,
and ? = "I'm not
sure"
I'm sure I and others have a group of
dynamic "subselves" that comprise our personality, psyche, or
"character."
(T F ?)
I'm clear on which subselves comprise
my personality now (T F ?)
I'm sure I have a natural inner-family
leader - my Self (capital "S"). (T F ?)
I know how to tell if my Self is leading my other subselves. (T F ?)
I know clearly which
subselves run my life in _ calm and _ stressful times. (T F
?)
My inner
family is harmonious enough of the time. (T
F ?)
I like
and am proud ofmy unique set
of subselves most of the time. (T F ?)
I have a clear idea which subselves
rule my partner in calm and stressful times.
(T F ?)
I am intentionally guarding the
kids in my life from false-self
wounds by
healing my own, and
providing a
high-nurturance environment. (T
F ?)
If
you feel any confusion or doubt about the reality of our (your) subselves
now, experience "talking" with one or more of your parts, and
read my letter to you.
The
guidebook for
self-study
Lesson 1 isWho's Really Running Your Life?It explains and illustrates this inner-family concept, integrates
most of these Web pages, and outlines how to
harmonize your subselves via
"parts work."
Recap
This three-page article summarizes and illustrates a core concept in this
non-profit educational Web site: that
normal people raised in a
low-nurturance childhood develop a group of protective personality
subselves, or parts, to survive.
The article sketches a brief developmental
history of this ancient concept, starting with Sigmund Freud, and evolving
through family therapy, inner children, and the recent clinical validation of
Multiple Personality Disorder (now called Dissociative Identity Disorder),
to the "inner-family" concept proposed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s.
Over a score of other professional mental-health researchers have theorized
and written about ver-sions
of this concept for well over a century, but there is no current
professional consensus
yet - and the public is largely unaware of the concept.
The article outlines and illustrates Schwartz's proposal of three or four
functional groups of subsel-ves in most people:
Managers, Inner Kids, and
Guardians, Protectors,
or Firefighters. It also mentions the possibility of a fourth
group of spiritual or Higher entities which may provide intuition, hunches,
senses, premonitions, and a "still, small voice."
The article proposes that
the concept of personality subselves
and the related premise of false-self
dominance and
wounds are highly relevant to
everyone - specially people with
significant personal, mar-ital, parenting, financial, and/or legal problems.
A
related premise is that the recent unremarked US divorce
epidemic and uncounted extra millions of psychological divorces, are strongly promoted by the unseen [wounds +
unawareness]
cycle that is inexorably spreading down our generations. For options on breaking
this cycle, see this.
Meet Your Inner Family
Three Groups of
Personality Parts
