Addiction continued from
p. 1
Should I Tell Other People
About my Recovery?
Yes! An essential recovery resource is having several
minimally-wounded, supporters who...
-
understand addiction and recovery
basics
-
understand what you're trying to do
and why;
-
are usually
by their true Selves,
-
steadily
with and encourage you along your way,
-
you respectfully, if
appropriate; and...
-
affirm your progress realistically.
The ideal supporters are your mate (if
any) and other family adults - unless they are
Grown Wounded Children in protective
denial.
Use this to decide if they are.
Reluctance to fully disclose your recovery
goals, efforts, and progress (or problems) usually indicates that...
-
some subselves distrust your Self to
provide enough safety, and/or...
-
some wounded supporters might stress, rather than support,
you.
Recall that an essential part of true recovery is to assess the
nurturance levels of your home, family, and
social environments, and then to work patiently to improve
those levels where needed.
If you're not in a
family or
and/or you aren't concerned about anyone who is, skip to
here.
What if I am (or may be) in a
Stepfamily?
My experience as a stepfamily therapist since 1979 is that
often,
some members of typical American
divorcing families and stepfamilies are affected by one or more
addictions - personally,
maritally, or via some
ancestors. Because typical survivors
of childhood
neglect
are
and
shame-based (wounded)
they usually deny, minimize, and/or ignore addictions and their toxic family
effects. Others try to control addictions and effects, usually with little
lasting success.
If you are - or may be - a member of a divorcing family or stepfamily, I recommend
that you...
-
steadily give top priority to your own addiction and
wound reduction as needed - despite others' attempts
to dissuade you;
-
learn and stay aware of your version of
these family
and use them to help shape a meaningful mission statement
for your family.
-
honestly assess the nurturance-level of each home that comprises your family -
specially those which affect any minor kids directly or indirectly.
As you do, stay steadily aware this is not about blaming
anyone - it's about learning, healing, and protecting!
-
other key living and dead
family adults - including any ex mates and co-grandparents - for
symptoms of significant psychological wounds and
addictions.
-
Weigh your options for respectfully
confronting each adult with significant symptoms, and asking that
they learn about the [wounds + ignorance]
and its effects. Use
the ideas and resources here
and here as guides.
-
If you haven't yet,
invest steady effort in
self-improvement Lesson 7 and ask your
partner and adult relatives to do the same;
The theme of these suggestions is - work with your other family
adults to identify and reduce any psychological wounds and raise their
while you work
cooperatively at building a high-nurturance family for all of
you.
Pause, breathe, and notice what your subselves are
Recap
This article builds on these addiction +
personality subself +
inner-wound fundamentals. It outlines
preliminary recovery options if you feel you have one or more addictions.
Full recovery is reducing your [psychological wounds + unawareness]. The article proposes three requisites for successful
preliminary recovery, and suggests that managing active addictions is the
essential gateway to full (inner-wound) recovery.
The
article proposes reasons why adopting a personal 12-step program is essential, and
suggests traits of an effective 12-step sponsor. It also offers perspective
on addiction and wound recovery if you're in a divorcing family or a
stepfamily.
As you work at "addiction
management" and wound-recovery a day at a time,
intentionally pass on what you're learning to any dependent kids
and key adults. The
best gift you can give your descendents is alerting them to, and working patiently
to break, the lethal [wounds + ignorance]
together!
If you don't - who will?
For more perspective, read these research summaries:
If
you're concerned about a child,
mate, or
another adult who may be addicted,
follow the links.
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get
what you needed? If not, what
you need? Who's
these questions - your
or
