The Web address of this
article is
http://sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm
Note - this Lesson
used to be called Project 1. The key ideas are the same.
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your brow-ser's
popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If the windows distract you, read the
guide before following any links.
This will guide you through the first of eight self-study
lessons.
They all exist to help protect you and your family from the toxic
[wounds
+
unawareness]
cycle. This guide assumes you have
read...
At least 80% of over 1,000 typical American adults I've met
as a family-systems therapist and edu-cator have had
symptoms
of major psychological
wounds from
low-nurturance childhoods.
I believe the wounds stem from being controlled by a well-meaning
"false self." Until recognized and reduced,
false-self dominance...
promotes low-nurturance families, which psychologically harms innocent kids,
and it...
relentlessly degrades
wholistic health,
key relationships (like marriage), personal productivity;
ef-fective communication,
parenting, and healthy mourning. Coupled with widespread
ignorance,
these...
promote relentless inner
pain and addictions, obesity, homelessness, crime, depression,
abortions, dropouts, gangs, fanaticism, suicide, and other major social
problems; and...
false-self control silently
passes down the generations
because of social ignorance and denial.
This Web site calls
significantly-wounded adults Grown Wounded Children or GWCs. Lay literature calls us
Adult Children (of childhood trauma, toxic parents, and/or
family
dysfunction).
Does your reaction to what you just read include something like
"Well I'M not a GWC!"? Note that denial is a common
symptom of false-self wounds.
In this lesson
you'll learn whether you're a GWC - and if you are, what you can do
about it. Study this lesson even if you're already in some form of
personal healing.
This healing work is based on
the premise that normal
personalities are composed
of semi-indepen-dent subselves or
parts. If you're skeptical, try this interesting exercise
and read this. Then return here.
About
80% of
the visitors responding to this
poll say "Yes, personality
subselves are real, without ques-tion." If you still doubt
that subselves control your life, lower your expectations and skip to
Lesson
2.
Objective - Lesson 1 will empower you to (a) be
aware of your many talented personality sub-selves, and to (b)
free your resident true self to guide you in calm and stressful
situations. You'll also become able to (c) spot and empathize
with people ruled by false selves, and to (d) relate to them
effectively, using the attitudes and skills in Lesson 2.
This Lesson has four modules:
Learn about personality
subselves and Grown Wounded Children (GWCs);
Assess yourself for
psychological ("false self") wounds;
Evolve an effective plan
to free your true Self and reduce your sounds; and...
Learn how to spot and
react to other wounded people
Use what
follows as a checklist to track your progress.
Lesson
1, Module
1 - Learn
the Basics...
__ 1-1) take
this quiz to see what you know about
personalities (like yours)
When you're undistracted, read
these articles in order with an open mind.Option -
journal
about your reactions to them to start creating a personal wound-recovery
resource.
__ 1-2)
the
premises underlying this nonprofit Web site.
__ 1-7) compare these
ideas on human personalities to your
ideas.
__ 1-8)learn about normal
personality subselves.
If you're skeptical, _ try this interesting
exercise, and
_ rephis
memo. Then return here. And read...
If you have questions
or comments on these ideas, please post them in our
free chat, or
contact me. Note that skipping
any of these readings may indicate that you're ruled by a false self.
This basic education will prepare you to assess yourself for
significant false-self wounds and reduce them. That will promote
more satisfying communications, relationships, grieving, and wholistic
health.
Lesson 1, Module 2 - Assess Yourself for Wounds
Premise -
Low-nurturance families
and false-self (psychological)
wounds
are widespread in our cul-ture.
The wounds range from mild to severe. Most Grown Wounded Children
(GWCs) with significant wounds are unaware of them because of denial and
social ignorance. Implication - you and people you care about may be living with
disabled true Selves without knowing it.
__ 1-16) Review
this description of false-self wounds and their
typical effects.
__ 1-18)
Follow these suggestions for scoring
your assessment-worksheet results.
__ 1-19) If
you have questions on wounds or wound-assessment, check this
Q&A, post them on our
chat, or
ask me.
__ 1-20) Take
this true/false status check, when you're undistracted and your true
Self guides you. ? = "I'm not sure."
_ I can name
all six false self wounds, and _ their six common impacts. (T
F ?)
_ I can
describe how to tell if false-self wounds are "significant."
(T F ?)
_ I can
define "denial" and "minimizing" to an average young teen. (T
F ?)
_ I took my
time to complete all 12 assessment worksheets honestly. (T
F ?)
_ I followed
the suggestions in "scoring" the worksheets (#3 above). (T
F ?)
_
I feel I do have significant false-self wounds that I want to
reduce. (T F ?)
If you feel you do have significant false-self wounds or behaviors,
continue with Module 3 below. If you're not sure, ask someone you trust
to be objective (like a counselor) to review this module and give you an
opinion. If you feel your wounds aren't significant (by your standards),
begin lesson 2 (learn
effec-tive-communication basics and skills). Even if you're minimally
wounded, you may still be unaware.
Lesson 1, Module 3 -
Free Your true Self and
Reduce Your Wounds
One key to protecting your family and descendents from the [wounds +
unawareness] cycle is to admit and reduce significant false self wounds.
The other key is to convert unawareness and ignorance into knowledge.
That's why this course exists. If
you feel you're controlled by a false self too often, (i.e.
significantly wounded) this module will guide you through an
effective recovery process.
__ 1-21)
Review this true story of an average
American family suffering from adult wounds and unaware-ness. I have met
hundreds of troubled families like them.
__
1-22) Study this overview of
how to
reduce false-self wounds (''recover'') -
slides or text.
__
1-23) Review these Q&A items about normal
personality subselves. Refer to this as you progress.
__
1-24) Study this perspective on hitting "true
bottom." If you haven't clearly hit yours, view this work as a valuable
learning experience (a trial recovery), and go ahead.
__ 1-25) Read this
9-page guide to "parts work" (inner family
therapy). This is one effective way to reduce your wounds over time. Other
clinicians propose different ways to help you recover from toxic parents, or
childhood trauma. My experience as a veteran (recovering) therapist is that
other recovery methods are apt to be superficial and take longer. Exceptions
are Voice Dialog,
Psychosynthesis, and
Eye-Movement De-sensitization and Retraining (EMDR)
__ 1-26) Consider
shopping for a qualified parts-work therapist in your area. See selfleadership.org for
leads and helpful resources. I'm a 1992 graduate of their training program.
__ 1-27) Meditate on
this update of the well-known 12 Steps and
consider living by your version of it.
__ 1-28) Decide if
you want to tell key people what you're doing, and why. Expect others to not
know about subselves and/or to be skeptical of
parts work. If they are, refer them to
http://sfhelp.org/fam/cycle.htm without preaching.
If you can find someone else interested in or already doing parts-work,
consider teaming up with them. Know that some subselves pretend to
want to recover, but aren't really committed. They're not "bad," they're
scared, and need patient reassurance.
__ 1-29) Evolve a
list of your subselves, and group them (tentatively) as Managers, Inner
Kids, and Guardians. Follow the guidelines in this
article.
__ 1-30) Divide a
horizontal blank page for each group columns 1 to 5 (left to right). In
column one, list your tentative set of (Managers or Kids or Guardians). In
column 2, enter the age you feel this part (sub-self) is. If you're not sure,
put "?." In column 3, put the part's gender - male, female, or ?. In column
4, put your intuitive guess as to whether this subself trusts your true Self
(Yes, No, or ?). In column 5, put your intuitive guess as to the main "job"
of this subself - e.g. "make people like me," or "keep me focused."
__ 1-31) On each
page, asterisk, circle, or hilight the parts you feel are most active in
your recent life.
__ 1-32)Start
with active subselves who you feel don't know or trust your Self.
Interview
them one at a time, and (a) confirm their distrust, and (b) start
negotiating to build trust. Use the parts-work steps and techniques outlined
here.- ideally with the help of a trained
inner-family systems therapist.
__ 1-33)
Patiently repeat this process
with each subself who causes your wounds. Keep in mind there are no "bad"
subselves. They all mean to help, but often retain outdated or distorted
information from your early life.
__ 1-34) Practice
asking yourself "Who's in charge: my Self (capital 'S') or someone
else? You're "done" with this wound-reduction process when you usually
answer "My Self."
__ 1-35) As you
progress at these steps,
periodically reread this overview of
wound-reduction or the
guide-book
for this vital Lesson.
Lesson 1, Module 4 -
Learn how to spot and
relate to wounded people
As you experience wound-reduction benefits, you'll become more aware
of others who don't realize they're ruled by a false self. Common
responses are to pity, judge, and/or help them "see the light." This
is specially true for wounded mates,
friends, and respected (and vexing) relatives.
__
1-36) Use this behavioral comparison
to recognize people ruled by a false self. For a more detailed tool,
use this.
This is the first of eight self-study guides in this nonprofit Break the
Cycle! Web site. This guide outlines practical steps to help free your wise
true Self and reduce significant false-self wounds. The steps are in four
modules:
Learn about personality
subselves and Grown Wounded Children (GWCs);
Assess yourself for
psychological ("false self") wounds;
Evolve an effective plan
to free your true Self and reduce your sounds; and...
Learn how to spot and
react to other woun-ded people
The other seven
Lessons in this educational Web site all build on this one.
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get
what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's
answering
these questions - your
true Self,
or
someone else?
The Web address of this
article is
http://sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm
Why Study This Lesson?
Objective - Lesson 1 will empower you to (a) be
aware of your many talented personality sub-selves, and to (b)
free your resident true self to guide you in calm and stressful
situations. You'll also become able to (c) spot and empathize
with people ruled by false selves, and to (d) relate to them
effectively, using the attitudes and skills in Lesson 2.
