Pause, breathe, and think of all the adults you
know. Who among them would you say is "really
mature"? Have you ever thought or said someone
was "really immature"? Do you think of
yourself as "very mature"? How do you judge
that? Here,
maturity refers to the level of [mental +
emotional + moral + spiritual]
development, not of physical growth.
Personal maturity can be viewed on two levels:
(1) as an absolute, relative to some universal
ideal), and (2) as relative to a person's age
and neurological functioning (normal or
impaired). Be aware of which level you're using
as you evaluate someone's status.
As a long-time student of human nature, my sense is that
most people are only hazily aware of themselves
now and over time. They don't spend much time
mulling what "personal growth" and "maturity"
are and how they're attained (or not). Imagine
a 12 year-old asking you "What is maturity?"
Try answering that out loud now. Did you say
something like "To be mature means being
'grown up,' or a true
adult." If so, then how do you judge when
someone is 'grown up"?
Are these just intellectual questions or can
they be useful? I propose at least two significant
benefits:
achieving "maturity" can
-
clarify your personal
("I am a wholistically-mature person."), and
-
bolster your self respect and
healthy
Human Development 101
From cells to whales, all living
things (like you) progress through a natural
cycle of birth, growth, and death. At some point
in this cycle, living things - like people -
reach their "highest potential," and then their
various abilities start to decline.
The process
of developing your potential can be called
maturing.
Reflect on all the people you have known
directly and by reputation. Can you think of
several people who are or were extraordinarily
able and productive in some ways? Do you feel
they've reached their "highest potential"?
Now identify several people you feel "could
have done a
lot more with their lives" - i.e. who have
not reached their highest potential in your
opinion. How do you measure that?
Each of us has a range of natural
interests, talents, and abilities which we may
or may not develop and use. These abilities
vary from person to person, providing a rich
social tapestry and shaping our relationships, organizations,
and
societies.
Questions that confront you and every other
self-aware person:
-
why do some people
(achieve their highest potential)
and others don't?
-
what am I
interested in and passionate about?
-
What are my
special talents and abilities?
-
How can I develop and use my talents?
-
What
can I achieve with my knowledge and
talents?
-
Am I living
If I'm not - why?
-
What limits my
personal growth and development, and how can
I adapt to or overcome these limits?
Have
you thoughts seriously about these questions?
Can you answer them? If not - why not? Do you
agree that
includes helping
kids become aware of these questions and how to
answer them over time?
|
A shallow view of personal maturity focuses
on achievements and fame in some field. For
example, it's tempting to label people like
Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Marie Curie,
Walt Disney, Washington Carver, Joan of Arc,
Helen Keller, Genghis Khan, George Washington,
Edgar Cayce, Desmond Tutu, Herodotus, and Mother
Theresa as "mature" - but were they really?
How about Adolph Hitler, Idi Amin, Muammar
Khadafi, Joseph Stalin, and Nero? Do you see Mohammed, Buddha, Christ, and other
renowned prophets as "mature"
people? if so - why?
What is "Personal Growth"?
Try
answering this question out loud now. Did you
say something general like "Well, it means
'getting better at things."? What things?
Compare your answer with this:
"Personal
growth" means improving your...
-
self-confidence, and self-respect;
and your ...
-
attitudes about good > bad, and right
> wrong; and your...
-
abilities to
think logically and clearly,
and to comprehend complex, abstract ideas;
and increasing your...
-
knowledge about the world and people;
and improving your abilities to...
-
analyze and solve complex
personal and social problems; and to
-
relate
harmoniously with all adults and
kids; and improving your.....
-
and sensitivity.
And
"personal growth" also means learning how to...
-
feel genuine compassion and
for
yourself and other people; and to...
-
identify and
develop
your unique abilities, and
how to...
-
use your talents and admit and
adapt to your limitations ("I can sing an
aria, but I can't play the banjo or cook a
soufflé") and learning to improve your...
-
ability to
(a) work + play + rest, and (b)
immediate vs. delayed gratification;
and "personal growth" means learning to...
.
-
(add your own criteria)
What are you aware of now? This summary suggests
that
"personal growth" has many dimensions:
cognitive, psychological, spiritual, behavioral,
and social. It also implies you can develop
these dimensions intentionally or "by chance"
(experience). I observe that the most mature
people are...
-
by their
-
of themselves and these growth options; and they...
-
work proactively to grow over time.
They
seek a
to their lives, rather than living mindlessly
and reactively a day at a time.
Which of the factors above describe you recently?
Another important dimension is...
Mental Health and Maturity
If an early teen asked you
"What is
mental
health?", what would you say?
It's as hard to define as maturity. One
way to sharpen your definition is to think of
examples in your life of people who you feel are
"mentally healthy" and "mentally unhealthy."
What criteria do you use?
I've studied this question professionally since
1979. In my opinion, "mental health" can be
measured by five core variables: the person...
-
has no organic brain
dysfunction; and s/he can consistently...
-
perceive sensory and
environmental information accurately and
process it "appropriately" according to
local social norms; and...
-
perceive her or his local and
long-range
accurately and fill them (problem-solve)
effectively; and s/he...
-
is consistently
self-nurturing (vs. self-neglectful), and...
-
has
no significant symptoms of these six
widespread psychological
This
covers a wide range of traditional
"mental health ('personality and mood')
disorders" like Bipolar, Obsessions,
Compulsions, Illusions, Borderline,
Manic-Depression, Poor impulse control,
Narcissism, Depression, Social Anxiety, etc.
How
does this definition of mental health
compare to your definition? Clarity on it
will help you answer this:
For perspective, read this view of "|mental
illness" when you finish here.
"Does maturity
depend on 'mental health'?"
Try answering this question out loud now. Who's
answering - your .Self or "someone else"?
Other Factors
Consider these related questions and see what
you believe:
"Does personal maturity
depend on knowledge?"
"Does maturity depend
on your 'IQ' (intelligence)"
"Does maturity depend
on life experience?"
"Does maturity depend
on wisdom, or vice versa?"
The most
important answers to these are your own. You're
most apt to answer them wisely if your true Self
is guiding you.
The point: "personal
maturity"
is a measure of how well you have
developed many dimensions and approached your "highest potential." So
if you can't envision and describe your
"highest potential," you can't
meaningfully rate your current maturity
or intentionally improve it!
Do you agree? |
What Determines Personal Growth?
Reflect and answer this question out loud.
Then compare your ideas with this premise: personal
growth toward "full maturity" depends on
many factors. Use this as a checklist to learn about
yourself:
__
KEY
:
early-childhood environment (low to high
which depends on each caregiver's
knowledge, and priorities;
__
early caregivers' attitudes and values - e.g.
unaware, passive, pessimistic, and purposeless;
to self-aware, goal-oriented, optimistic,
focused, and
purposeful;
__
and
awareness;
__
KEY
: an empowered (vs.
disabled)
and a harmonious "inner family" of
;
__
evolving realistic self-esteem, self-confidence,
non-egotistical self-love, optimism, and a clear
personal
__
open-mindedness and a steady motivation to learn;
__
one or more mentors and/or hero/ines
(inspiring people);
__
wanting to
effective relationship,
communication, and problem-solving skills;
And the rate and extent of your personal growth
depends on...
__
acquiring and maintaining a nurturing support
network; perhaps including a benign
__
discomforts (needs). These minimize
personal complacency and stagnation;
__
the ability to see opportunities
for growth in all situations;
__
wanting to understand people
(including yourself) and the world;
__
living by timeless
guidelines like
and...
__
(add your own factors).
How do you feel about these sample requisites
for personal growth and maturity? Which do you
feel are the most important?
How many of these
factors do you have now?
How
Mature are You?
Use what follows to clarify (a) how "well developed" you
are and (b) ways you want to develop further. The less distracted you are, the more accurate
your responses to this inventory will be. Option - print
and store this where you can
find and review it in the future to gauge
your personal growth.
This inventory is illustrative,
not absolute or complete. Edit it any way you
want to make it "fit you" better.
The inventory
is divided into several dimensions: your personality, attitudes,
emotions, priorities,
and abilities.
Thoughtfully rank each of the following items
from 1 (false, low, seldom. never) to 4 (true, high, often, always) If you're unsure, circle
"?".Option - journal about your
thoughts and emotions as you fill this out.
Recall - underlined links below will open a new page, and
other links will open an informational popup.
My
Personality
These seven factors will make the most sense after you
study
in this Web site.
1)
I know
if my true Self
is guiding me |
1 2 3 4
? |
2)
My true Self guides me in all
situations |
1 2 3 4
? |
3) I have
identified all my
|
1 2 3 4
? |
4)
I know how to have
dialogs with my
|
1 2 3 4
? |
5)
If a false self
controls me, I know
how to
my true Self |
1 2 3 4
? |
6)
I know which of my subselves cause
my psychological
and major non-biological limitations |
1 2 3 4
? |
7)
I'm making progress at
my psychological
|
1 2 3 4
? |
8) |
|
My Key Attitudes and Beliefs
These shape your
goals, relationships, achievements, and
satisfactions:
1)
I believe all people are basically
good, vs. "evil" |
1 2 3 4
? |
2)
I believe mistakes and "problems"
are opportunities to learn and grow
("glass half full") |
1 2 3 4
? |
3)
Every able adult
- including me - is fully
responsible for the quality of their
own life |
1 2 3 4
? |
4) All animal
behavior is caused by current
(discomforts) |
1 2 3 4
? |
5)
My
are just as important as
any other person's needs, except in
emergencies |
1 2 3 4
? |
6)
I have the right to assert my needs
and opinions without guilt or shame,
and so do all other adults and kids |
1 2 3 4
? |
7)
People who betray, hurt, and
disrespect me are
and
not "bad." |
1 2 3 4
? |
8)
All people have equal dignity,
worth, and personal
rights, regardless of age, gender, color,
social status, wealth, ethnicity,
lifestyle, and beliefs |
1 2 3 4
? |
9)
Every person has a unique
life
purpose (mission), and can identify
and actively pursue it despite hindrances. |
1 2 3 4
? |
10) There
is a benign, accessible Power in the universe.
|
1 2 3 4
? |
11)
is different than "religion," and I
am a spiritual person |
1 2 3 4
? |
12) I am
steadily comfortable with my aging
and eventual death |
1 2 3 4
? |
13) I
consciously balance firm convictions
with open-mindedness and flexibility |
1 2 3 4
? |
14)
Every human
emotion is useful, not
positive or negative |
1 2 3 4
? |
15) I strive to
keep an "attitude of gratitude" for
all my blessings |
1 2 3 4
? |
16) |
1 2 3 4
? |
17) |
1 2 3 4
? |
18) |
1 2 3 4
? |
My
Emotions