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People raised in high-nurturance families instinctively form psycholo-gical-spiritual attachments or bonds with special living and other things. Bonds may be one-way or mutual, depending on the needs, personalities, and circumstances of each person. Some people need other people without bonding with them. Bonds range from healthy (filling core needs) to toxic (causing shame, guilt, anxiety, confusion, frustration, anger, and despair). Love is universally associated with genuine (vs. pseudo) bonding. Children raise in low-nurturance childhoods often have trouble forming healthy, stable bonds. From early neglect, their ruling subselves become too distrustful, shamed, and scared to risk true attachment. Clinically, this wound is called Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It and related wounds contribute to a wide range of major personal and social problems, including unintentionally wounding dependent kids, divorces, self-neglect or Narcis-sism, addiction, isolation, affairs, physical illness, and suicide. Common self-protective reflexes in such people are (a) denials ("of course I care about others!"), and (b) toxic relationships based on fear, need, duty, and/or deceit. Personal recovery from RAD and related wounds can reduce them. Research consistently shows that people with genuine bonds are happier, healthier, and live longer than unbonded people. Lesson 1 in this nonprofit Web site offers options and resources to help improve the ability to feel, bond, and love. |
About Interpersonal