The Web address of this
article is
https://sfhelp.org/gwc/wounds/qa.htm
Updated
01-14-2015
Clicking underlined links here will open a
new window. Other links will go to a place in this article or open an informational popup
-
so please turn off your
browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
If your playback device doesn't support Javascript, the popups may not display.
Follow underlined links after
finishing this article to avoid getting lost.
This is one of a series
Lesson-1 articles in
this self-improvement Web site - free your
to guide you in calm and conflictual times, and
inherited psychological
From 36
years' clinical research, I propose that another unseen hazard promoting
most personal and social problems
is psychological
wounds
from early-childhood trauma.
in this We site focuses on
assessing for
wounds and
reducing them over time. The
Lesson-1 guidebook
Who's Really Running Your Life? - free your Self from custody, and guard your kids (Xlibris.com,
2011, 4th ed.)
integrates the answers to the questions below
and more.
This Q&A article assumes you're familiar with...
Questions you should ask about
psychological wounds
Links lead to answers in this
and other pages. With the latter, use your browser's "back" button to
return here.
1) What is a "psychological
wound"? Are there different kinds of
wounds?
2) Where do these wounds
come from?
3) Do all adults and kids
have these wounds?
4) Does having these wounds mean a
person is mentally ill, sick, or crazy?
5)
How can I tell if I or another person
has "significant inner wounds"?
6) What are the
common effects of having
significant wounds?
7) What are
personality parts or subselves?
8) What
is a
true Self? Is it better than other subselves? How
can I tell if
my Self (capital "S") is leading my inner team of subselves?
9) What is a
false self, and why do I need to know
about it?
10) Does having an "inner family" of subselves mean I have "Multiple Personalities"?
11) Can wounded people
recover from false-self dominance and free their Self
to harmonize and guide their personality (inner family)?
12) How does inner-wound
recovery relate to 12-step
addiction recovery?
13) Is there any danger in recovering from psychological wounds?
No!
14) How
long does wound-recovery take, typically?
15) Is there a
best way to reduce psychological wounds?
16) What is
pseudo
recovery, and how can it be recognized?
17) How does recovery from false-self dominance
progress, and what are the typical benefits of
true-Self leadership?
18) Do I need
professional
help to reduce my wounds? If so, how can I pick a qualified helper?
19) What
do I do if my someone I care about
has inherited significant psychological wounds?
20) Why haven't I
heard about inner wounds, subselves and
wound-recovery before?
21) Can you recommend any helpful books on
wounding and recovery?
Yes.
Also see these
questions and answers about normal personality subselves. If
you're skeptical about them, please read my
letter to you, and try interviewing one
of your subselves.
For
perspective, almost
80% of
site visitors responding to a poll say "Yes, personality subselves are
real, without question."
If you don't
find your question there or above,
please
ask!
Answers
Q1)
What is a "psychological
wound"?
In this educational site, a
psychological wound
is a specific mental-emotional-spiritual condition that inhibits an adult or child from
living at maximum potential - in someone's opinion. This site explores the
origin, nature, and effects of six
inter-related inner wounds:
-
a fragmented personality
-
excessive
fears
-
over or under-trusting
|
-
excessive
shame and guilt
-
excessive reality
distortions
-
difficulty feeling.
bonding, empathizing, and loving.
|
Personality fragmenting promotes false-self dominance (a
and the other five wounds. Disease,
organic malfunction, and
(ignorance) also hinder living at maximum potential, and may amplify
psychological wounds. Recent
research suggests that inner wounds
stress the immune system, which raises susceptibility to illness and
premature death.
Personal
wound-assessment and patient, self-motivated
and commitment to
family-adult education can significantly lower this risk
over time, and protect descendents
from developing their own psychological wounds. For perspective on preventing wounds and their toxic effects, see
this.
top
Q2)
Where do these wounds
come from?
Recent
psychiatric evidence suggests that normal people develop personalities composed of semi-independent
like the talented
members of a sports team or orchestra. Each subself has unique traits,
goals, and perceptions. Many biological and environmental factors shape
which subselves dominate a personality, and cause current and chronic
thoughts, feelings, needs, and behaviors. See
this for
perspective.
Each psychological wound comes from
one or several active subselves. For example, excessive (vs. normal) fears
usually come from hyper-reactive Scared Child, Worrier, Pessimist,
and Catastrophizer subselves. When such subselves rule and
the wise true Self (natural leader), they form a "false
self."
The degree and frequency of anxieties and fears depend on how often such
subselves disable
the resident
and
control the
Psychological
wounds seem to come from
kids not getting their developmental
and daily needs met well enough in their first four to six
years, perhaps starting in the womb.
Initial inner wounds are reduced or amplified by how well a child's wholistic
developmental needs are met through puberty
and late adolescence.
A recent sobering
discovery is that "childhood trauma" like abuse can cause certain
genes to "express" (activate). This can promote physical and/or
psychological problems. We can wonder if such genes are then passed on to
the next generation.
Caregivers who (a) are significantly wounded themselves and (b)
aren't well aware of and/or responsive to, dependent kids' normal and
special needs, risk unintentionally promoting development of a disabled
true Self and related
psychological wounds in their
dependents.
Recent research
suggests that this
inexorably raises their children's risk of long-term psychological and physical
illness and premature death.
If you doubt that normal (vs. "crazy") people like
you are controlled by dynamic personality subselves, read my
letter to you with an open mind, and try
interviewing one of your subselves. To
learn more about your inner family of subselves, see
this.
Learn something about yourself with
this
anonymous 1-question
top
Q3)
Do all adults and kids
have psychological wounds?
Since every infant and their mosaic of
evolving
needs is unique, even the healthiest parents can't nurture
(fill kids' needs) "perfectly." That suggests that...
-
the
of any child's environment ranges from
very low (wounded, unaware, neglectful caregivers) to very
high, so...
-
each of us
- including you and any mate and children - has an array of dynamic subselves, and
minor to major psychological
The question is not "Do
I have psychological wounds?" but "What wounds do I (or my mate or
children) have, and how much do the wounds affect our wholistic health, our family's
functioning, our relationships, and our life-productivity?" A vital
implication:
being psychologically wounded is
normal, and does not warrant shame or guilt!
top
Q4)
Does having these wounds mean a
person is mentally ill, sick, diseased, or crazy?
No. Human sickness, disease, and
illness mean being infected by germs
and/or
organically impaired. Having
significant psychological wounds does not mean you (or anyone) is sick.
If crazy means "thinking and acting very differently than social
norms," then having inner wounds is not "craziness" because
"significantly wounded" is our social norm!
"Crazy" people's wounds and
behavior are excessive compared to normal woundedness. A powerful implication
is that most (all?) non-organic
"mental illness" is really a symptom of psychological wounds
. That
suggests that reducing "mental illness" should focus on retraining and
reorganizing dominant subselves, and freeing
the wise resident true Self to
in all situations.
Inner-family therapy
provides an effective way to do that. See this for more perspective.
top
Q5) How can I tell if I
have - or another person
has - "significant inner wounds"?
Each
psychological wound causes distinct behavioral symptoms. For
example, excessive (vs. normal)
shame often causes people to
avoid eye contact, use "we" instead of "I," to feel inferior and
play the victim, and
to discount merited praise.
Once you learn their symptoms,
inner
wounds become very apparent from
observing the way an adult or child behaves (or doesn't).
To make
this more real, scan these common behaviors
that imply significant wounds. For a quick assessment, see this
comparison of true-Self and false-self
behaviors. For more detail, see the
Lesson-1 checklists for typical
symptoms of each wound, and see this article about assessing for them.
top
Q6)
What are the
common effects of having
significant wounds?
Personal and social
unawareness and
denial of
false-self
dominance and related wounds
promote far-reaching
family, and
effects
- including psychological and legal
divorce. Follow the links for perspective and
practical options to reduce these effects.
To prevent psychological wounds
and related unawareness, see these options.
top
Q7)
What are
personality parts or subselves?
Advances in computer and radiographic technology in the last generation
make us the first people to see living brains at work. What
PET
brain-scans show is that normal
"thinking" and reacting to environmental changes causes many separate brain
regions to activate (process information) and exchange neuro-chemical signals at the same time.
Each region provides a special function, like each player in an orchestra or
sports team does.
What we experience as a single event ("I chew-taste-smell-swallow the pizza")
is really a web of sub-events processed by different parts of our brain
like a network of minicomputers. We're unaware of this web operating, and
which subselves control it. Some neural networks process sensory information more accurately and productively than others.
From this, it appears that
our personality subselves are
semi-independent brain regions
interacting together below awareness to cause our perceptions,
thoughts, needs,
and behaviors. It's now well documented that some people
have "multiple personalities." They act as though there are several
"different
people" in the same body.
This supports the idea that
all
personalities are composed of "parts" or subselves.
Multiple personality disorder [now called "Dissociative
Identity Disorder" (DID) by psychiatrists] is the extreme case of
normal
adaptive personality splitting (dissociation) into parts. Some
degree of splitting
seems to occur in
every child's early years. Significant dissociation [false-self
or meltdowns, breakdowns,
"losing it" (control),etc.] can occur to
anyone in significant traumas and crises.
Like individual talented players in an orchestra or athletic team, every subself
has its own values, traits, perceptions, limitations, and function (role) in
the personality. As an orchestra can be in or out of tune, multi-part
personalities can range between chaotic to disorganized to harmonious in
normal and
special situations.
So a vital question is "Which
subselves dominate my 'inner family' of subselves in calm and conflictual times?" To appreciate the
marvelously rich, dynamic inner crew that comprises you, study
this and these common
questions.
top
Q8)
What is a
true Self (capital "S")? Is it better than other subselves? How can I tell if
my Self is leading my other subselves?
Nature
seems to provide infants with a subself whose undeveloped
natural talents are...
-
coordinating (leading) other personality subselves
effectively, and...
-
using acquired knowledge and available information to make wise
(health-promoting) short and long-range decisions.
Just as some people are more
effective group leaders than others, your
true Self is innately skilled at
leadership than other subselves.
S/He and other
become wiser and more competent as life-experience increases.
Just as each player contributes to the overall function and quality of an orchestra
or sports team, your Self is not
"better" (more powerful or worthy) than any other subself. Each
subself is uniquely valuable, and has its own talents and limitations.
See
this for more perspective on your
excellent true Self, and
when s/he's leading your
(or anyone's) dynamic team of
other subselves.
top
Q9)
What is a
false self, and why do I need to know
about it?
In this nonprofit Web site,
a false self is
one or more
who
distrust and disable your true Self, and affect
your thoughts, emotions, body functions, needs, and behaviors. False selves originate in early childhood, when
the true Self is undeveloped and doesn't know much about the world. To
survive, children must depend on their caregivers' ruling subselves.
Ideally, their adults are guided by their true Self most of the time.
Judging by our U.S. divorce rate, homelessness, obesity,
abortions,
"mental illness," bulging jails, drug epidemic, and other social problems, most kids are raised by well-meaning adult false selves.
When a false self dominates a
personality, the person's exhibits characteristic
behaviors.
"Growing up" (attaining
stable maturity) can be seen as the slow process of...
-
the resident true Self developing (a) wisdom (how the world "works") and
(b) its innate leadership skills over
30 or more
years, and...
-
your
gradually learning to trust and depend on
the leadership of your Self and other
rather than on caregivers, teachers, hero/ines, and
friends.
I suspect very few
parents and human-service
are aware of our
normal
subselves so far, so they leave this
vital leadership-transfer to chance. The social, cultural, and environmental
of this
unawareness steadily dominate our media
headlines.
For more perspective on - and common
symptoms of - typical false selves, see
this.
top
Q10) Does having an "inner family" of subselves mean I have "Multiple Personalities"?
No. Media headlines
and programs have sensationalized "Multiple Personality Disorder" (MPD) - now called "Dissociative Identity Disorder" (DID).
Like most people, do you automatically associate this condition with
craziness or mental illness?
Having a multi-part personality now appears to be
normal. The great majority of us adults and kids have an active
silently shaping our
perceptions choices, and behaviors.
Psychiatrists guess that ~ 5% of Americans suffer the extreme inner-family disorganization
that causes DID behaviors. Most (all?) of these sufferers report massive childhood
neglect and
abuse - i.e. very
wounded caregivers, and very low
family nurturance.
Mental-health workers specializing in "dissociative mental disorders"
repeatedly report lasting reductions in DID behaviors over time. This
implies that with awareness, skilled guidance, and encouragement,
our reactive, disorganized subselves can
change toward more inner harmony.
in this site offers a proven, effective way to do this over time, called
top
Q11)
Can people reduce psychological wounds and free their
true Self to lead?
Yes. As a professional
inner-family-systems (IFS)
therapist for 21 years I have witnessed
scores of courageous women and men
confront and reduce their inner wounds, and live more serene, productive,
Self-guided lives. I've heard similar results from many other graduates
of the Center for Self Leadership (CSL).
I've also met hundreds of troubled adults who hadn't accumulated enough
pain, weariness, and despair
(hit bottom) to
commit to this primal healing process. Here's one
example.
For more perspective on inner-wound recovery, start
here. My practical
guidebook
(Xlibris.com, 2011, 4th ed.) offers an effective wound-assessment and recovery framework and related
resources.
top
Q12)
How does inner-wound
recovery relate to 12-step addiction recovery?
There is
little public or professional doubt now that the
12-step "Anonymous"
philosophy and its global network of support groups is an effective
way for most addicts to "recover" from (manage) their toxic compulsions.
As the recovering son of alcoholic
parents
and working clinically with scores of addicts, I've learned a lot
about addiction, the 12-step philosophy, and addiction "recovery." After
36 years'
practice of family-systems therapy, including two decades of studying and
practicing
I now
believe...
all
four kinds of
addiction are well-meant
strategies to self-medicate
(temporarily mute) unbearable inner pain - i.e. shame + guilt + confusion + anxieties +
hurt + rage + sadness + despair;
12-step programs
can be effective at arresting, vs. curing, toxic
self-medication
strategies. These programs promote what
may be called preliminary recovery, because they don't advocate reducing the underlying psychological wounds. Evidence: addicts who stop
attending 12-step meetings often resume their toxic compulsions (relapse);
And I believe...
intentionally working to free
your true Self (Q8) and increase inner-family
harmony is full recovery. It includes effective strategies to permanently
replace
inner pain or numbness with steady serenity, clarity, awareness, and
resilient life-purpose.
Based on this, I respectfully propose this
amendment to the 12 "Anonymous" steps to
promote
full recovery from psychological wounds.
Using the traditional "Anonymous"
label prolongs the obsolete, self-amplifying delusion that addictions are shameful
"character defects." No, they are false-selves' normal attempts to
survive and reduce intolerable chronic
inner pain! Addictions are unconscious (and with alcohol, genetic)
responses which inexorably overcome "willpower" and "logic."
Self-medicating is no more shameful
than reflexes like breathing, burping, crying, passing gas, sweating, or vomiting.
I trust we're moving slowly toward changing "Anonymous" 12-step
program-titles to something like "Recoverers United."
top
Q15)
Is there a
best way to reduce psychological wounds?
Yes and no. Recovery from psychological wounds is
as unique as your fingerprints. No one else has the composition,
history, and dynamics of your
No one else lives in the social and physical environment you do, or has your
unique mix of dreams, fears, assets, experiences, limitations, and personality traits.
So
if
you're burdened with significant psychological wounds, your recovery process
must be unique. However, you have the same
goals as other wounded people:
your Self to harmonize your inner
family, over time; and patiently reducing any related psychological wounds.
You also have the same resources available to you. Study this
overview of typical inner-family
recovery.
top
Q18)
Do I need
professional
help to reduce my wounds? If so, how can I pick a qualified helper?
If you feel your psychological wounds
significantly degrade your health, relationships, and
serenity, you'll probably benefit from some qualified professional help
during your recovery process. Definitions of
qualified vary as widely as current theories of "personality disorders" and
"effective therapy."
From
36 years' study and practice of psychotherapy with
over 1,000 average women and men (and original training as an
engineer), I'm biased toward
-based schemes as being more effective than most other brands of
"talk
therapy." Effective means "promoting desired permanent
changes in attitudes and behavior."
In particular, I recommend a veteran
licensed social worker,
psychologist, professional counselor (LPC), marriage and family counselor
(LMFT), or pastoral counselor who has training and experience in inner-family
therapy or
The
Center for Self Leadership
(CSL) trains therapists in
this model.
Other therapies that may help in reducing inner wounds
are EMDR ("Eye Movement Desensitization and
Reprocessing"),
Psychodrama,
"(Inner)
Voice Dialog," and "Theophostic."
The effectiveness of any of these clinical approaches is only as good as the
health, experience, and creativity of the clinician. At the least, any therapist or
counselor should be (a) aware of their personality subselves, and (b)
consistently guided by their resident true Self.
Many experienced clinicians propose that effective healing requires some
(a) personal work and (b) some experience in a group of
recoverers, preferably led by a seasoned professional.
I now believe effective
wound-reduction
therapy must include personal
(vs.
religion or mysticism).
This is partly because of the
demonstrated healing power of "turning
over" insoluble or overwhelming personal problems to a trusted Higher Power and
no longer compulsively trying to
There is growing documented evidence that
heartfelt, individual and group prayer really does seem to foster
desired change, often in unexpected ways.
Any recovery professional you choose should be grounded in
or equivalent. For more perspective,
see this
Q&A page
on "counseling."
top
Q20) Why haven't I heard about inner wounds, subselves and
wound-recovery before?
There are at least two reasons. For perspective
on the first - public ignorance and skepticism - note that general acceptance of
family therapy vs.
Freudian psychoanalysis, has taken
60 years (and is still happening). Clinical acceptance of multiple
personalities and other "dissociative disorders" is less than two generations
old. Public awareness lags that.
The new concepts of modular brain
functioning and the origins, dynamics, and effects of personality subselves were unknown to your ancestors and childhood teachers.
They're too new and controversial to have seeped into general public (your)
awareness yet.
