Convert excessive shame,
How can you tell if someone (like you) has inherited the psychological wound
of excessive shame?
Typical Symptoms of Excessive Shame
many signs, all caused by the
Preacher personality subselves.
The more of these traits a person
has, the more likely s/he is a
Grown Wounded Child (GWC).
See if you recognize any of these symptoms. They are not prioritized.
Options: (a) after rating yourself, ask someone who knows you well to
rate you honestly on each of these traits; (b) use this
trait-list to track your healing progress over time.
Having a rigid core belief like...“I am a bad, weak, unlovable,
undeserving, inept, unattractive, stupid, powerless, worthless (person / man
/ woman / partner / parent / child).”
Being excessively zealous, defensive, rigid, dogmatic, and/or “preachy” about "sin,"
moral righteousness; God; the Devil; the Bible, Torah, or Koran; Hell; “the
one true religion,” and/or about being “damned” or “saved.”
Habitual self-centeredness and significant egotism.
Having one or more active
fat, sugar, and some carbohydrates),
(e.g. work, spending, gambling, pornography, or working out), certain
emotional states (e.g.
excitement, rage, spiritual ecstasy, or sexual arousal and release).
Constant belittling, discounting, and criticizing yourself and/or
Repeatedly choosing menial jobs below personal capabilities; Avoiding
A compulsion to rescue needy or disadvantaged others; championing and identifying
Having few or no real friends; and/or being consistently drawn to
other (unrecovering) wounded, needy companions and partners.
Excessive social isolation
or a compulsion to socialize and be charming and the center of
sensitivity and defensiveness to perceived criticism or rejection.
avoiding eye contact, and
being apologetic or defensive about that.
Often misperceiving neutral feedback as
assuming unspoken criticisms.
Excessive concern with personal and/or social blame and fault-finding.
and/or anxious about earned successes (The "Imposter Syndrome").
Obsessing about “my rights” or "I (don't) deserve...," or “equality" or
Endlessly focusing on past “mistakes” in private or publicly.
Habitually putting your own
opinions, needs, and welfare
Having an unreasonable fear of “failing,” "losing," or “making mistakes.”
Never admitting “mistakes” or compulsively apologizing
all the time.
More common symptoms of excessive shame...
Habitually unflattering, inappropriate, and/or “sloppy” clothing,
grooming, and/or hygiene.
concern with personal, professional, social, vehicle, and/or
Compulsive perfectionism ("I
can't help it"), and/or a driven need to "win," and/or “be
the best," or "be number 1.”
Compulsively “shading the truth” or lying directly or by
omission, and denying it to avoid expected ridicule, criticism, or
disapproval (also a symptom of excessive fears).
Notable self neglect
- e.g. resisting or avoiding appropriate medical care: rarely or never
seeing a doctor, dentist, gynecologist, or eye specialist for checkups or
illnesses; not getting or taking prescribed medications; poor personal
unhealthy diets, habits (e.g. smoking), lack of exercise, and/or
toxic environments; and ignoring, deflecting, minimizing, explaining,
analyzing, or joking about this
Rarely buying anything “nice” or “special” for one’s self, or taking fun
trips or vacations.
Deflecting, discounting, and/or rejecting deserved compliments, and “being
very hard on myself.”
Chronically giving time and energy to others, and getting little or nothing
Avoiding self-assessment for
psychological wounds, and/or true personal recovery.
Repeatedly choosing, justifying, and tolerating relationships, situations,
and/or environments which promote major shame.
Being unable to do this
__ 32) Repeatedly taking risks that result in self-harm, humiliation, and/or
loss of self and social respect. Denying or justifying an active addiction
is a common example.
what one wants, or doing so anxiously and expecting rejection, rather than
passive, quiet, reserved, or aggressive,
self-centered, and/or a bully.
Not setting and/or
wholistically-healthy limits (boundaries) with one's Self and others.
Tolerating and/or justifying a core belief like “I don’t deserve or
expect success, love, security, comfort, friends, and/or nice things.”
- repeatedly “setting one’s self up” for failure, disappointment,
frustration, and/or losses, and feeling or saying “I can’t help it,” "it
doesn't matter," "I don't care," or "I deserve it."
Frequently choosing long-suffering
roles in key relationships and social settings, and not questioning
Choosing a direct-contact
- e.g. clergy, counseling, medicine,
education, law enforcement, consulting, coaching, training, driving public
vehicles, customer service, casework, .. (yes, there are exceptions!)