Reduce excessive shame, continued from
How can you tell if someone (like you) has the psychological wounds of
excessive shame and/or guilts?
Symptoms of Excessive Shame
are many signs - all caused by the
Shamed Child, Guilty Child, and their tireless
These symptoms are suggestive, not proof of
these crippling psychological wounds.
The more of these traits a person
has, the more likely s/he is
(ruled by a false self) and needs to
and commit to personal wound-reduction (Lesson 1).
See if you recognize any of these traits. Option use
this as a checklist and to track your healing progress...
__ 1) Having a rigid core belief,
like...“I am a bad, weak, unlovable,
undeserving, inept, unattractive, stupid, powerless, worthless (person / man
/ woman / partner / parent / child).”
__ 2) Being excessively
zealous, defensive, rigid, dogmatic,
and/or preachy about "sin," moral righteousness; God; the Devil;
the Bible, Torah, or Koran; Hell; the one true religion, and/or about
being damned or saved.
__ 3) Habitual self-centeredness: significant
__ 4) Having one or more active
fat, sugar, and some carbohydrates),
(e.g. work, spending, gambling, pornography, or working out), certain
emotional states (e.g. excitement,
rage, spiritual ecstasy, or sexual arousal
__ 5) Constant belittling, discounting,
and criticizing ones self and/or others.
__ 6) Repeatedly choosing menial jobs below personal
capabilities; Avoiding responsibilities excessively.
__ 7) A compulsion to
rescue needy or hurting others; championing
and identifying with the underdogs.
__ 8) Having few or no real
friends; and/or being
consistently drawn to other (unrecovering) wounded, needy companions and partners.
Excessive social isolation
or a compulsion
to socialize and be charming and the center of attention.
__ 10) Excessive
sensitivity and defensiveness to imagined or actual criticism or
__ 11) Habitually
avoiding eye contact, and being apologetic or
defensive about that.
__ 12) Often misperceiving
neutral feedback as criticism,
wrongly assuming unspoken criticisms.
__ 13) Excessive concern with
personal and/or social blame and fault-finding.
__ 14) Feeling "irrationally"
and/or anxious about earned
successes (The "Imposter Syndrome").
__ 15) Obsessing about my rights or "I (don't)
deserve...," or equality" or "fairness."
__ 16) Endlessly focusing on past
mistakes” in private or publicly.
__ 17) Habitually
putting ones own opinions, needs,
__ 18) Having an
unreasonable fear of failing, "losing," or
Never admitting “mistakes” or apologizing or reflexively apologizing all the time.
More common symptoms of excessive shame and guilt...
__ 20) Habitually unflattering, inappropriate, and/or
sloppy clothing, grooming, and/or hygiene.
__ 21) Obsessive
concern with personal, professional, social,
vehicle, and/or dwelling appearances.
__ 22) Compulsive
perfectionism ("I can't help it"), and/or a driven
need to "win," and/or be the best," or "be number 1.
Compulsively shading the truth or
lying directly or by omission, and denying it to avoid expected ridicule, criticism, or disapproval (also a symptom of
__ 24) Notable
- e.g. resisting or avoiding appropriate
medical care: rarely or never seeing a doctor, dentist, gynecologist, or eye specialist for checkups or
illnesses; not get-ting or taking prescribed medications; poor personal
__ 25) Choosing
habits (e.g. smoking), lack of exercise, and/or toxic environments; and
ignoring, deflecting, minimizing, explaining, analyzing, or joking about this
__ 26) Rarely buying anything
nice or special for ones self, or taking fun trips or
__ 27) Deflecting and/or rejecting
deserved compliments, and being very hard on myself.
__ 28) Chronically giving time and energy to others, and
getting little or nothing in return.
__ 29) Avoiding
self-assessment for psychological wounds, and/or
__ 30) Repeatedly
choosing, justifying, and tolerating relationships, situations, and/or
which promote major shame,
guilt, and anxieties.
__ 31) Repeatedly taking risks that
result in self-harm, humiliation, and/or loss of self and social respect.
Denying or justifying an active
addiction is a
__ 32) Rarely
what one wants,
or doing so anxiously and expecting rejection, rather than
passive, quiet, reserved, or aggressive,
self-centered, and/or a bully.
__ 33) Not setting and/or
(boundaries) with one's Self and others.
__ 34) Tolerating
and/or justifying a core belief like I don’t deserve or expect
success, love, security, comfort, friends, and/or
__ 35) Self-sabotage
setting ones self up for failure, disappointment,
losses, and feeling or saying I cant help it,” "it doesn't
matter," "I don't care," or "I deserve it."
__ 36) Frequently choosing long-suffering
roles in key relationships and social
settings, and not questioning why.
a direct-contact human-service profession
- e.g. clergy, counseling,
medicine, education, law enforcement, consulting, coaching, training,
driving public vehicles, customer service,
casework, ... (yes, there are
The more of these shame-traits you
or another person has, the higher the odds you or s/he is dominated by a
false self (wounded). That's the primary
assessment goal, not just testing for excessive shame and/or guilt. To reduce the odds of
distortions, fill out all the other
checklists before drawing any conclusions
on significant woundedness.
Typical Shame-reduction Goals and Options