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Were you taught that anger is bad, wrong, or negative? Premise - all emotions are valuable signals that some discomfort needs to be reduced to restore personal bal-ance. Note also the difference between feeling an emotion and expressing it. Thus feeling (a) frustrated and (b) angry are primal (normal) responses designed to protect us from harm. Trying to "not feel angry" is like trying not to digest your food. Regulating how to express frustration and anger is a useful social skill all kids and many adults need to learn. Do you agree? Are you able to do that yet? Options - (a) choose the attitude "feeling angry or frustrated tells us we need to fill some needs," and then (b) use your awareness and dig-down skills to discern who's primary needs require filling now. Kids need their caregivers to learn to do these two steps, teach them how to use anger and frustration to spot and reduce current needs, and how to model expressing anger and frustration respectfully. Kids or adults who "never get angry," or "can't control" the way they express their frustration and anger are probably ruled by a protective false self. If so, scorning or punishing the person for their angry behavior will make things worse by increasing guilt, shame, dishonesty, distrust, resentment, anxiety, and frustration. So will trying to logi-cally explain why the person is (wrong). Better options are to (a) assert and enforce respectful boundaries, (b) invite adults to assess for false-self wounds and take re-sponsibility for reducing them, and (c) improving personal and family anger "policies." Bottom line: anger and frustration are automatic emotional responses which sig-nal that some needs require attention. These responses provide valuable emotional power to make constructive personal and social changes. Expressing anger and frus-tration effectively is a learnable relationship skill (Project 2). It requires self- awareness and an unhindered true Self. slides / more detail / Project 1 index and guidebook / close |
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