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Human relationships vary over time in the amount of trust, interest, respect, and attraction each partner feels for the other. Depending on many factors, any two people can grow "closer to" or "more distant from" each other. Relationships are universal attempts to fill infants', kids' and adults' primal needs. "Friendships" are relationships which feel specially safe, enjoyable, and nurturing to each partner. "Primary" partners usually seek to fill a unique mix of needs with each other. Relationships range between "stable" (little change in boundaries and emotional "distance" - intimacy) and "unstable." Many survivors of low-nurturance childhoods (i.e. most co-parents) experience unstable "ap-proach-avoid" relationships. These are characterized by cyclically seeking closeness and intimacy and "unconsciously" pulling back from it. This seems to be caused by each partner's conflicted subselves waffling be-tween allowing intimacy and fearing (another) betrayal and agonizing abandonment. This unseen false-self ambivalence can manifest as "lack of com-mitment," having affairs, "falling out of love," "getting back together again," a history of "failed relationships," aborted engagements, and divorces. Some adults and kids in approach-avoid relationships are so wounded they cannot bond with (genuinely care about) other people. Here, co-parent Project 1 is about assessing for false-self wounds and reducing them over time. Project 10 is about preventing them. slides / Project-1 links and guidebook / related info 1 > 2 / close |
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