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Have you ever felt "fed up" with some condition, and permanently changed your behavior? Many call this common human experience "hitting bottom," or "hitting the wall." It seems to result from normal people having personality composed of subselves who differ in their preferences, values, and perceptions. Example: one subself says "I love ice cream (sugar)." One or more other subselves say "But it rots our teeth, adds unhealthy pounds, costs a lot, and makes us feel guilty. Don't eat (so much) ice cream!" Result - failed attempts to "quit ice-cream," or some other "bad habit." This causes increasing guilts, frustration, and self-criticism until they become intolerable. This universal inner struggle applies to all attempts to change (a) un-healthy or "bad" personal behaviors, and (b) stressful behavior in other peo-ple. The common theme is - some subselves fear change and want short-term gratification, and other subselves want to risk change to get long-term comfort. Result: ceaseless inner conflicts, and (for example) "failed New Years' resolutions." Usually these struggles involve one or more major values conflicts between opposed subselves. People hit true (vs. pseudo, or false) bottom when the "long-term" or "pro-health" personality subselves finally overrule the instant-gratification subselves, and gain permanent control of your thoughts and behavior. This often means your true Self guides your other subselves (personality), cau-sing second-order (permanent) changes in your life. Understanding what causes temporary and permanent changes in at-titudes, values, and behaviors can help family adults resolve role and rela-tionship problems more effectively. Learning to harmonize your subselves can save years of increasing frustration, weariness, guilt, and self-criticism. Lesson 1 in this site offers an effective way to achieve this harmony. more detail / slides / Lesson-1 index and guidebook / close |
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