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We adults and kids unconsciously make two kinds of changes to relieve discomforts and/or add pleasures to our lives. Only one kind brings permanent change. First-order changes occur when ruling personality subselves vow to shift an attitude, belief, value, or behavior, and other subselves oppose them. This usually happens because the resident true Self is disabled by the second group of subselves, who perceive some con-voluted benefit to keeping "the old way." (no change). A common first-order change is "pseudo recovery" saying "I'm healing my wounds' but not changing core toxic beliefs and attitudes. Common examples of "changeless changes" are failed attempts to quit smoking, drinking, overeating, lose weight, addictions, "slow down," and to exercise, me-ditate, and play more. For example, many people overeat and/or eat unhealthy "com-fort" foods because that temporarily mutes inner pain. "Eating better" without changing underlying values won't cure this permanently, so the unhealthy eating and extra pounds return. When your true Self is free to lead your other subselves, second-order changes can occur - shifts in basic attitudes and priorities that cause permanent behavioral shifts. Lesson 1 is about freeing your Self to reduce psychological wounds. That promotes making desired second-order life changes. |
About First and Second-order