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Psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed that for typical adults and kids the intense primal need to belong to a group of people (feel accepted and included) is second only to the needs for (a) current and (b) near-future physical and emotional comforts. Co-parents' dating seriously after divorce or mate-death initiates the merger of three or more multi-generational bio-families, forming a big, complex new group. Any child and adult in a new stepfamily may be significantly conflicted over (1) "Who belongs in my family now?", (2) "Do I want to belong to (be included in) this new family?", (3) "Do the other family members really (a) accept (in-clude) me and (b) care about my needs and feelings?"; and (4) "If I feel re-jected, how can I fill my need to belong?" These conflicts are specially stressful for psychologically- wounded kids and adults - i.e. typical stepfamily members. Ideally, stepfamily co-parents and supporters will be aware of these con-flicts early, and want to evolve an effective strategy for identifying and resol-ving each of them as teammates. Doing so effectively requires them to share key attitudes, knowledge, and priorities, be guided by their true Selves (family Project 1), and be fluent in seven Project-2 communication skills. slides / more detail / related info / genogram / close |
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