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What associations come to mind when you hear stepfamily, stepparent, or stepchild? Step-people who subconsciously think things like "abnormal," "inferior," "unnatural," and "second best," are apt to minimize or ignore their step identity. Others misunderstand what a stepfamily is, and don't realize they're in one. All such people - and like-minded supporters - risk expecting stepfamily roles and relationships to feel and behave like biofamily counterparts. Paradoxically, typical stepfamilies are the same as intact biofamilies (in some ways), and can vary from them in over 70 structural and developmental ways at the same time! People who ignore, deny, minimize, or don't know their identity as a stepfamily risk trying to relate with over 60 unrealistic expectations. That amplifies the impact of five major hazards that cause millions of average U.S. stepfamilies to endure growing stress or re/divorce psychologically or legally. Project 3 (of 12) invites re/married mates and adult relatives to (a) learn what a multi-home stepfamily is, (b) accept their step-identity ("Yes, we're a stepfamily."), and (c) agree on who belongs; i.e. who's needs and opinions will be considered in making significant family decisions? Re/wedded co-parents with prior kids need to include their ex mates (and their new mates, stepkids, and in-laws) as full stepfamily members, or face significant resentments, frustrations, and conflicts for years. See if people you care about (a) have really accepted their stepfamily identity and (b) know what that means. slides / more detail / Q&A / Project-3 index and guidebook / close |
Project 3: Accept Your