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Premise - "keeping secrets" is a universal human strategy to avoid expected pain. Situational secrets may be justified, according to an ob-jective observer. Chronic secret-keeping - i.e. withholding information, and/or lying - usually indicates (a) significant false-self fear and distrust, (b) ignorance of to communicate effectively, and (c) a low-nurturance social environment. Denying or justifying secret-keeping sug-gest the same realities. Avoiding the truth with yourself (denial, minimizing, or repression) or another person (lying) may contribute to enabling a wounded person - i.e. to hindering their confronting unpleasant realities and taking responsibility to resolve them. It may also block appropriate grief and recovery from false-self wounds. Specific family secrets, and the underlying rule "We don't discuss our family business with other people," are usually inherited from fear-based and/or shame-based (wounded, ignorant) ancestors. These secrets (e.g. "We don't talk about Uncle Mickey") are often accepted without question. If so, they promote unconsciously passing on the silent [wounds + ignor-ance] cycle to the next generation. Option - identify personal and family secrets and use them to help illu-minate psychological wounds and outdated rules in yourself and others. Lessons 1 and 2 in this nonprofit Web site offer practical options for lear-ning to tell the truth safely. more detail |
About "Keeping Secrets"