About "Keeping Secrets"

     Premise - "keeping secrets" is a universal human strategy to avoid expec-ted pain. Situational secrets may be justified, according to an objective ob-server. Chronic secret-keeping - i.e. withholding information, and/or lying - usually indicates (a) significant false-self fear and distrust, (b) ignorance of effective communication basics and skills, and (c) a low-nurturance social environment. Denying or justifying secret-keeping suggest  the same realities.

     Avoiding the truth with yourself (denial, minimizing, or repression) or another person (lying) may contribute to enabling a wounded person - i.e. to hindering their confronting unpleasant realities and taking responsibility to resolve them.  It may also block appropriate grief and recovery from false-self wounds.

     Specific family secrets, and the underlying rule "We don't discuss our family business with other people," are usually inherited from fear-based and/or shame-based (wounded, ignorant) ancestors. These secrets (e.g. "We don't talk about Uncle Mickey") are often accepted without question. If so, they promote unconsciously passing on the silent [wounds + ignor-ance] cycle to the next generation.

     Option - seek to identify personal and family secrets without guilt or anxiety, and use them to help illuminate false-self wounds and outdated rules in yourself and others. For perspective on dishonesty with your mate, ex mate, and/or children, follow the links. Projects 1 and 2 in this nonprofit Web site offer practical options for learning to tell the truth safely.

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