Common Alternatives to Effective Problem Solving

     People communicate when they have unfilled primary needs (discom-forts). Effective communication (1) fills each person's current primary needs well enough, and (2) everyone feels good enough about them-selves + each other person + the process between them. Most adults and all kids lack awareness, knowledge, and skills at communicating, and use ineffective strategies like these in important social situations:

  • arguing or fighting

  • ignoring the others' needs

  • defocusing

  • demanding / threatening

  • debating / competing

  • generalizing

  • interrupting / talking over

  • monologing

  • hinting

  • assuming / mind reading

  • playing "Yes, but..."

  • lecturing / preaching

  • explaining / defending

  • repressing / withholding

  • avoiding / withdrawing

  • ignoring the process

  • advising ("fixing")

  • pretending / distorting

  • accusing / blaming

  • over-analyzing

  • interrogating

  • double messages

    Family Project 2 provides communication basics and skills to replace these common blocks with win-win exchanges. The skills work best when all people are guided by their true Selves ( Project 1).

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