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Can you think of an adult or child who constantly tries to reduce or avoid conflict ("smooth things over") between people - even strangers? Would knowledgeable people say you do this? Compulsive peacemaking may indicate a well-meaning Guardian subself whose tireless mission is to (a) protect inner kids from anxiety, guilt, and shame ("upset" and "overwhelm"), and (b) promote other people liking them. In seeking these goals, the Peacemaker may distrust the resident True Self, and ally with equally-dedicated Nurturer, Pleaser, Controller, Idealist, Preacher/Moralizer, and/or subselves. Typical Peacemaker subselves seek to avoid or stop disputes. In con-trast, typical resident true Selves (capital "S") (a) respect others' right and responsibility to fill their own needs without interference, and/or (b) seek to interest them in learning relationship basics and effective communication and problem-solving principles and skills. Note the important difference between saying "S/He has an active Peacemaker subself" vs. "S/He (the whole host person) is a Peacemaker." Project 1 in this non-profit site is about empowering your talented True Self to guide and harmonize your other subselves. more detail / slides / Project 1 index & guidebook / FAQ / close |
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