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People who endured early-childhood abuse and psychological ne-glect often develop a protective personality subself whose sole goal is to please other people at all costs. The "Pleaser's" intense, narrow focus is protecting Shamed, Abandoned, and Scared young subselves from the agony of social rejection, scorn, disapproval, criticism, and dislike. By definition, the Pleaser doesn't yet trust the resident true Self or Nur-turer subselves to guard these vulnerable Inner Children from more pain. The Pleaser often works with the Perfectionist ("We must follow rules and obey all authorities"), Inner Critic ("Displeasing anyone means we're a failure!"), Catastrophizer ("If we dis-please people, we'll be alone and unloved forever!"), and perhaps a Good Child ("I must please Mommy and Daddy!") Some common behavioral clues of an overactive Pleaser include (a) rarely confronting or disagreeing with important people; (b) over-apol-ogizing; (c) smiling and joking despite major inner pain; (d) consistently focusing on other people's needs and feelings and neglecting their own (self-abandonment); and (e) rarely asking for, or accepting, help. Until excessive fear of abandonment and shame are reduced via personal re-covery, the Pleaser often influences the host person to choose woun-ded associates - despite significant relationship strife. Family Project 1 can empower the resident true Self (capital "S") to lead and harmonize the other subselves, and relax or reassign the Pleaser to a new role. Do you have an overactive People Pleaser? more detail / slides / Q&A / Lesson-1 guidebook & links / close |
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