Most people don't want to hear bad news - specially if it
affects them directly. One of the six false-self wounds is
reality distortion - which manifests as denial,
minimizing, and idealizing. Our culture is in major denial
of this cycle and its toxic effects that affect us all. Alerting professional associations to
the cycle is challenging, for it is very bad
(scary, sobering) news. Association spokespersons will
probably resist validating and accepting the cycle because (a) by
implication, their organization has been unintentionally
promoting the cycle through lack of awareness, and (b) the
organizational and societal implications of the cycle are
profound.
History shows that as public awareness of factors that
promote health and safety expands, laws and policies
eventually change. A recent example is the national ban
on public smoking and tobacco advertising. Another is the
growing restrictions on gaseous emissions that promote global
warming. Another is the promotion of sun blockers as the
ozone layer thins and skin cancer soars.
Restated: the
associations you belong to will amend their missions,
policies, programs, and priorities over time to adapt to
significant environmental changes - once they're
validated beyond reasonable doubt. Implication:
you can
provide compelling new information to your associations and
urge them to evaluate whether to include preventing the
[wounds + ignorance] cycle in their main goals, polices, and
programs.
If you don't do this - who will? Millions of living and
unborn children are at significant risk of great pain and
stunted lives because of this silent scourge - and their
caregivers, teachers, churches, and law makers don't know
it.
Action Options
Start by studying your target association's Web site to
learn (a) its charter or mission statement, (b) whether they
may already have policies or programs that relate to any of
the six
and if so, (c) what they are, specifically. Any existing
programs will probably not include the key concepts
in this Web site. Then locate by phone or email whom to
contact about recommending new policies, and any format
requirements for submitting suggestions. For example, the
organization may have a "Director of Development," or
equivalent.
Next, evolve and submit a succinct written proposal. It can
include...
-
Whether you're a member of
the association or not, and a brief sketch of your
experience and credentials;
-
A summary of components of
the [wounds +
cycle and its main impacts on
persons,
and society;
-
Key reasons you're
suggesting that the association expand its policies and
programs to include alerting members and affiliates to
this cycle, and options for
reducing
it;
-
why you think it would be
appropriate for the association investigate the cycle
and its impacts on members, families, and society.
Consider inviting the association decision-makers to
first assess the impacts of the cycle on their own
families and descendents - then evaluate possible new
association policies and programs;
-
what specific actions you
recommend the association take. Because the cycle is
probably a new concept to them, a realistic first step
would be to recommend that the association formally research whether
the [wounds + ignorance] cycle is as impactful
and pervasive as you think it is.
-
any professional colleagues
or groups who endorse some or all of the cycle - e.g.
the nonprofit Internal
Family Systems Association.
-
resources that would
help your association's staff to evaluate your proposal
- e.g. this nonprofit Web site (http://sfhelp.org) and
its related guidebooks.
-
an addendum responding to
possible "resistances" the association staff would have
to your proposal. See the examples below.
You can find most of the cycle
information in this site and related
sources. Use it freely, as
long as you clearly cite the source (the nonprofit Break
the Cycle! Web site) and author (Peter
Gerlach, MSW).
Regardless of the association's response to your proposal,
enjoy the satisfaction of having done what you could to do
something about reducing the cycle. Note your other options
of alerting your family and friends, your
co-workers, the
people you serve, and the
general
public about the how and why to avoid or reduce the toxic
[wounds+ ignorance] cycle.
"Yes but..." -
Resistances and
Responses
Resistance (doubt, skepticism, and procrastination) is a normal
(false-self) reaction to changing the status quo, unless
the benefits are obvious. Human change is powered by (a)
significant current discomfort and/or the lure of immediate or future
comfort (pleasure). Resistances to learning about reducing
wounds and improved communications and relationships are usually caused by
ignorance + fear of the unknown + responsibility overload. The latter two
are usually cause by a protective, short-sighted false self.
If your ruling subselves are ambivalent or opposed to alerting your
professional association/s to the [wounds + ignorance] cycle, see if they're using any of
these arguments to protect you from discomfort...
Resistance:
"This
'psychological wounds' and 'subselves' stuff
seems like New Age psychobabble (so I'm not motivated to alert anyone
to them.)"
Response: That's
probably an inherited code for "I've programmed myself to believe anything
'psychological' or 'mental' is beyond my understanding (or threatening)." If so, invest in
rereading these three introductory
pages and
identify what - if anything - you don't understand after following
appropriate links. I propose that an average high school senior can
understand the
concept of personality subselves and psychological wounds.
Try out the attitude that "I need to understand these concepts for my
and my family's safety and welfare." Then read this
letter to you, and try this safe,
interesting exercise.
Resistance:
"Though I'm a member, my professional association is too big to pay
attention to my proposing that they evaluate the cycle and act to prevent it."
Response:
Each professional association you belong to is composed of individual people
just like you. By definition, you and each such person share a common
interest in a human service. There is one person who will answer your phone
call or read your written proposal and decide whether to act, not "an
association." In this sense, alerting an association is no different than
alerting a co-worker.
"Going the extra mile" and investing your time and energy in trying to
influence the policies and priorities of a professional organization is
really about you acting on your own integrity. If you feel morally
responsible to try and alert other people ("It's the right thing to
do."), then honoring your integrity is just as important as whether others
heed your proposal or not. When you're
elderly and review the way you lived your life, you can say with
satisfaction "I did my best."
Note your option of alerting other association members in a local chapter
meeting or conference, and asking them to join you in alerting the
association. Multiple voices are louder than just one...
Resistance:
"I've got
too much work to do to take action steps like this article suggests."
Response: Try
estimating how much time it would take you to do some version of these
action steps. Two or three hours at most? Would you be willing to invest
those hours on an average weekend or across several weekends? Is there
anyone who could help you do the steps and make it easier? If the person who
discovered AIDS viruses or leukemia said "I'm too busy to tell medical
associations about this," consider what would happen.
Resistance:
"This
thing is just too big. I feel overwhelmed and discouraged at the prospect of
trying to alert my association/s to the cycle and its implications.
Response:
You're right - the cycle and
it's implications are huge! Consider the old folk-wisdom: "How do you eat an
elephant? One bite at a time." (Re)read this and
refresh yourself on how many options you have. If you're not comfortable
tackling the whole [wounds + ignorance] cycle, how about urging your
association/s to alerting others to healing psychological wounds?
To
effective-communication basics and skills? To high-nurturance relationship
basics and skills? To stepfamily realities, hazards, and protections? Do any
of these "bites" seem more manageable? You don't have to do "the whole
thing" Doing any part is worthwhile!
Resistance:
"My superiors won't
understand this or support me if I spend time at work trying to alert
professional associations to the cycle and these
Response: After you
have evaluated yourself honestly for
false-self wounds, ask your superiors to read (a) this
overview and (b) this online or printed
article.
Then ask whether they're
interested in assessing whether the [wounds + ignorance]
is affecting
their family. Then ask if they'll support you in informing relevant
professional associations to the cycle and its impacts. If your
superiors still balk or are ambivalent or indifferent, they may be dominated by a false
self. If so, see this for options.
Resistance:
"OK, the [wounds + ignorance] cycle is real and
stresses average families, wounds millions of vulnerable kids, and is
inexorably weakening our society. Even if my association decides to evaluate the cycle and alert others, it
probably won't make any real difference because average people won't
care enough to learn and act.
Response: Your class is
half empty? I respectfully propose that you can't know this for sure.
Depending on how effectively they're alerted, some or many people may not
care enough to assess their family for effects of the cycle - at first. Most
men scorned and/or ignored early demands for women's right to vote. Most
cigarette smokers ignored the first warnings of cancer and
respiratory-disease risks.
From years of steady warning and increasing evidence and endorsements, the
number of adult American adult smokers is shrinking. Smoking in public is
increasingly banned by policy and law. It will take years to fully inform
the public and appropriate organizations (like state and federal
legislatures) on protecting kids from parental wounds and ignorance. Would
you agree that if your association acts, some average people will get
interested enough to learn about the cycle and its effects on their family,
and choose to reduce or break it? Does that make your effort worthwhile?
Resistance:
"Conceptually, I
agree there's probably some harm to some people from this [wounds +
ignorance] cycle." Frankly, I just
don't care much about trying to do something about it now."
Response: "I don't care
much" is usually false-self code for a mix of resistances like these. Try
refocusing from your professional association/s to your own family and
descendents. Do you care enough to
assess
them for
of the cycle (e.g. for significant psychological wounds and ignorance)? If
so, work at that, and use what you learn to re-evaluate whether to alert
co-workers, associations, and others in the future. If you don't care to
assess your family now, I suspect you're not aware of being dominated by a
protective, myopic
+ + +
Pause,
breathe, and reflect on what you just read. Now say out loud something like
"I want to suggest that my professional organization/s evaluate the [wounds
+ ignorance] cycle and work to alert our members and the public to it. Then
notice the first thoughts that come into your head. Do they start with "Yes,
but..." or equivalent? Which of your subselves is creating those thoughts?
Recap
This article for human-service professionals is one of a
series about preventing
personal and family stress and
epidemic divorce. It
offers perspective and options for alerting any professional
associations you belong to the toxic [wounds + ignorance]
that is silently crippling our families and our culture. The
article will mean much more if you take the time to read
these introductory pages and assess yourself and your
family for impacts of the cycle first.
The article proposes that organizational policies and public
laws do change (slowly) in response to credible new
information - and that this cycle and its impacts are
probably new concepts to your association/s. Informing
and motivating your professional organization/s is a
potentially powerful way to alert thousands of people to the
cycle through the association's Web site, newsletters, media
articles, and programs. The key focus here is (a) explaining
the cycle and its impacts clearly and factually to an
association spokesperson, (b) suggesting ways the
association can reduce or prevent the cycle, and (c)
recommending that the association sponsor research to test
whether these are valid concerns or not relative to their
mission and goals.
The article outlines specific action-options toward alerting
your association/s, and closes with brief responses to
normal resistances you may encounter.
|
Status check: how motivated are you to alert your
professional associations to the cycle and its effects on
people. families, and our society? First,
decide who's
your
now - your
(capital
"S") or some
Then rank your motivation from
one (I have no interest now)
to ten (I'm extremely motivated now). If a
dominates you, expect skewed results.
|
Pause, breathe, and reflect: why did you read this article?
Did you get what you needed? if not - what
you need now?
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