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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/prevent/inservice_lay.htm

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        This research-based Web site exists to...

• motivate people to stop the toxic [wounds + unawareness] cycle

• improve the nurturance level of typical families, and...

• reduce epidemic American divorce.

        This article is one of a series on effective professional counseling, coaching, and therapy with (a) these families, and with (b) typical survivors of childhood neglect and trauma.

        In these articles, "co-parent" means any part-time or full-time caregiving adult in a divorcing family or stepfamily. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes it may be a stepparent's first union.  These articles for professionals are under construction.

        Before continuing, pause and reflect - why are you reading this article? What do you need?

A basic premise underlying this article is that most human-service professionals have little or no informed training in stepfamily structures, dynamics, and realities. This puts them and their clients at risk of accepting inadequate service as "good enough."

        I hope that this in-service outline and the supporting detail comprising the rest of this non-profit site will motivate professionals to raise their and their colleagues' awareness of these vital topics. Doing so will empower them to provide more effective service to needy divorced-family and stepfamily clients and patients.

        Most American parents who end their first marriage remarry - specially fathers. Therefore, most of your divorcing and "single-parent" family clients need to know this information for their family's future.

        My background: I've studied stepfamilies as a clinical specialty since 1979, including a two-year Masters thesis literature review of well over 300 books and articles. I've had ~17,000 hours of direct clinical, classroom, support-group, and phone and Internet consultations with well over 1,000 average middle-class (mostly Caucasian) stepfamily co-parents since 1981. I have taught hundreds of classes for lay and professional adults on the topics below.

        Terminology: current lay and professional cultures and literature don't have a unified lexicon of terms and meanings yet. Use these professional and lay definitions to validate, clarify, and/or expand your own language relative to professional work with these clients. 

        Option: print* and use these Web pages as handouts to reinforce and expand your in-service knowledge-transfer process.

In-service Program Objectives

        An effective in-service program will raise professionals' awareness and understanding of...

• five requisites for effective service to these clients;;

• the major structural and adjustment-task differences between average stepfamilies and intact biofamilies;

• the traits of a high-nurturance multi-home nuclear stepfamily system;

• five factors that seem to promote over half of current U.S. stepfamily re/marriages to fail within ~10 years of their legal formation, and 12 long-term safeguard projects typical co-parents need to learn and work at as teammates;

• relevant client assessment and intervention frameworks, techniques, blocks, and common errors. These frameworks are formed from _ theoretical (didactic) concepts and _ experiential learning - discussing case-study examples of the concepts in action; and...

• useful clinical and client resources.

In-service Program Outline

        Every clinician and organization has a unique profile of existing knowledge and educational needs. So the first step in designing an effective in-service program is to do a needs assessment: who needs what education about these clients, and why?

        The second step is (a) prioritizing the assessment results and (b) tailoring a program from the following modular outline or equivalent. Whoever designs and implements your in-service program needs to be didactically and experientially knowledgeable of these topics, and how to facilitate others learning them effectively. Option: have several informed people design and approve the program, with appropriate interaction with the professional students.  

Modules and Key Topics

        Asterisked modules apply to all clients.

1*) Series/Program introduction - in-service rationale, goals, and agenda;

2*) Basics I - overview _ human-system concepts, _ the human need hierarchy ,  and _ primary and secondary human needs. Option: illustrate and discuss _ client-family systems, _ client-professional systems, and _ human-service metasystems.

3*) Basics II - overview _ family nurturance levels and traits, _ childhood modular- personalityformation, _ false-self wounds and typical wound impacts , and _ personality-harmonizing (wound recovery ). Option: for perspective, review the history, etiology, and traits of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and how this relates to _ client assessment and _ phase-3 (psychodynamic) interventions.

4*) Basics III - review _ the concept of first-order and second-order change , and _ how that relates to _ client attempts to fill their needs ("problem-solve"), _ the dig-down communication skill, and _ effective clinical interventions.

General Step-client Assessment (Dx) Factors

Background

Focus: The normal unit of Dx is the several (usually two or more) related co-parenting homes containing all minor resident stepchildren and half-sibs, and their co-parents. Each home is a Dx sub-unit. Individual co-parental homes can have two (or more) different structural and dynamic states: minor children resident, and minor children visiting their other parent/s.

Dx Modalities: A combination of full systemic, three-generational, and co-parental intra-psychic Dx is warranted for best clinical outcomes;

        Because of the multiplicity of factors and modalities, full systemic and intrapsychic assessment usually takes several client meetings;

        Typically, stepfamilies are multi-problem clients. Expect to Dx clusters of moderate-to-crisis problems. Foster identification, ranking, and staying focused on one or a few specific problems while trying to stabilize the others. Teach the involved co-parents how to do this;

        The factors below are in addition to "standard" client-family-system Dx foci;

        Consider a four-axis step-client Dx typology: Tx interventions differ by a client-stepfamily’s location on these axes -

       1)  _ Functional-to-dysfunctional (low nurturance) home or  _ whole multi-home stepfamily system;

       2)  High-to-low co-parental resources (personal / family / economic / social / spiritual);

       3)  Involved co-parents are receptive-to-resistant to clinical interventions, including  active or passive (written) stepfamily education;

       4)  Immediate household/whole-stepfamily needs: (preventive education) - to - (crisis-     resolution).

Educate Your Agency or Department

        Hold a series of agency/department in-services on …

stepfamily differences	norms and myths	unique dynamics (e.g. inclusion and loyalty conflicts)
special adults’ and child/rens’ developmental tasks	GWC	grieving and freeing blocked grief
],], addiction	effective communication skills	and typical adult and minor child post-divorce tasks

        Develop one or more staff stepfamily experts to train others and consult;

        Invite staff, administration, and funders to explore any c/overt biases and attitudes about stepfamilies and step-people that might degrade quality of service delivery. Frequently, both clinicians and lay people regard stepfamilies and their members as deficit-based, inferior, “second-best” family groups. Stress that stepfamilies are normal multi-home systems, and resolve confusions and resistances to this.

        Consider allocating funds and resources to create / implement a re/divorce prevention program - i.e. community stepfamily-education classes, and sponsoring one or more functional co-parent support groups. 

        Consider networking with local clergy to educate and motivate them to their major opportunity to alert re/marriers of their high risk of eventual re/divorce. Do the same with appropriate community divorce lawyers, judges, and mediation professionals; DCFS personnel, police, and school staffs. 

        The theme across all of these is education on stepfamily uniquenesses, and the high risk of re/divorce and re/traumatization - specially of minor kids.

        Build a local resource bank of stepfamily educational materials and resources. Note that these Break the Cycle! educational Web materials are freely reproducible, as long as no profits are made.

Clinical Interventions With Step-clients

Before a First Step-client Meeting …

Ask Tx-initiating client family member/s to define for themselves and bring in:

1)  What are your key re/marital and stepfamily strengths now?

2)  Do all related co-parents in your related homes now clearly define themselves as a  "stepfamily”? (This is a preliminary intervention and test for the probability of the family  operating on inappropriate biofamily norms).

3)  What, specifically, do you want from Tx?

4)  What have you co-parents (each) already tried?  With what specific results? 

5)  What's in the way now (of getting more of what you each want)?

6)  Option: co-parents and relevant older children fill out "Stepfamily Strengths" inventories first.

First-meeting Options

        Define your client as the multi-home family (system) including any living ex mates (co-parents) and their families;. Note and use any resistances to this framing. Omitting ex (bioparenting) mates promotes stepfamily stress;

Normalize: _ Frame stepfamilies as normal, with special tasks; _ Validate feelings of marital / household confusion and frustration (if present) as normal, specially soon after cohabiting and re/marriage.

Lower initial anxiety:

• Suggest that tailored education often suffices, vs. therapy or counseling;
   

• Build trust: "we'll sort, prioritize, and focus if there are several problems" (which is almost certain).
  

• Assure clients that your goal is impartiality to all their stepfamily members, present and absent. Explore whether absent co-parents might participate, and under what circumstances;

        Frame the Tx goal as empowering the client co-parents to fix their own problems, and strengthen their home and stepfamily functionings.

        Use and promote stepfamily terms and titles, and learn clients’ family terminologies; note, explore, and affirm client dis/comfort with stepfamily titles and terms (e.g. “my stepchild” vs. “Amy”).

Options:

1. Outline the five re/divorce factors above, and relate to the current Dx -> Rx process;
   

2. As both a Dx tool and Tx intervention, ask client co-parent/s present to guide you in drawing a (multi-home) three-generational “map” (genogram) of their whole stepfamily (this takes a big flipchart or blackboard!); This is an efficient way of _ learning all the players, _ making a preliminary co-parental GWC Dx; and _ teaching those present to visually conceptualize “who we all are.”
   
              Verbally frame their genogram as “your whole stepfamily”, and ask for reactions. Stress that all bioparents of minor and grown stepkids are full co-parents. Suggest co-parents reproduce the exercise with their kids and other key relatives;
   

3. Give the client/s a selection of stepfamily educational materials for home study.
   
   

4. Dx the client home/s and whole stepfamily per the four-axis typology above, form Tx goals, and proceed accordingly.

Key Assessment (Dx) Factors

Overall: use the 12 co-parenting tasks as a Dx framework for individual co-parents and co-parent couple/s. Tailor to fit the client-system's type and situation;

Assess who’s now in charge of each co-parenting home, using structural diagrams [5]. Identify intra and inter-home alliances, coalitions, and hostilities. Who supports and who resists the co-parents’ re/marriage(s)? 

Affirm and balance - Have the client co-parents define their specific marital, household, and multi-home family strengths and (human) assets. Refer to these as you go to build hope, and offset overwhelm and pessimism;

Assess relationship priorities: in each major household: which relationships get the most energy? Assess re/marital vs. parental relationship primacy: note actions, vs. words. Justify re/marital primacy as protecting dependent children against major re/divorce trauma;

Assess for GWC co-parents: using the genogram, assess all co-parents for significant childhood trauma and dysfunction. Family-tree symptoms: divorces / desertions / abortions / chronic illness / job and geographic instability / family secrets / addictions / verbal - physical - spiritual abuse / hospitalizations / suicide / bankruptcy / recurrent legal trouble / affairs /  murder... Where these are apparent: is the co-parent in true or pseudo recovery, or denial?

Assess for blocked grief: Can co-parents describe ...

1) the three grief levels and stages within each?

2) The symptoms of blocked grief, and implications of it?

3) the major losses they and each child have sustained from death / divorce and parental re/marriage?

4) Whether any family member significantly blocked in grieving major or collective losses?

5) The present policy that governs grieving in their home? 

Assess child dynamics:

1) current child visitation dynamics;

2) status of any child custody, parenting agreement, or financial support disputes, including prior or present court actions;

3) review the 30+ unique stepchild developmental tasks: assess _ co-parents' awareness _ of the tasks, and _ each custodial or visiting child's status with them.

Dx for dwelling stressors: is the client family living in his former personal dwelling, hers, or one new to all? How are all co-parents and kids adjusting to "invasions", and/or losses from moving to a new location? How satisfied are clients with space allocations, privacy, etc.?

Dx ex-mates' status: Grieving or blocked ? \ supportive -> indifferent -> hostile to ex’s re/marriage? To ex’s new mate? \ stepfamily knowledge and identity? \ co-parenting communications’ (specially problem-solving) effectiveness? \ co-parenting role clarity? \ new romantic relationship (with another stepparent)? \ relationship strengths and stressors?

Dx re/marital health - how satisfied is each partner? Explore how _ understood and _ supported each stepparent feels by their current partner re conflicts over stepkids and ex-mates.

Dx co-parent verbal-communications effectiveness: how does each co-parent rate their present verbal problem-solving ability as a couple? How satisfied is each co-parent on their partner’s present ability to hear them? Note specially how values conflicts over money, co-parenting, and home-management are handled. Can each co-parent clearly describe the key differences between “fiting” or “arguing”, and “problem-solving”? (Can the clinician?)

Assess for addictions: check all three generations of each co-parent. Any evidence of active substance / activity / relationship dependencies? If so - status of client-family's addiction knowledge, recovery, and resources?

Assess for prior stepfamily/remarital counseling experiences: If any, what were the outcomes? Was the clinician stepfamily-trained? (often, any prior Tx was ineffective or negative, if the clinician was untrained and used a biofamily-systems Tx  model);

Assess stepfamily knowledge - Assess the degree of co-parent stepfamily/stepparent education: how realistic are each co-parents' expectations about their stepfamily / co-parenting / partner / stepchild behaviors? Educate clients as needed to the 60+ stepfamily vs. biofamily structural and dynamics differences, and common co-parent myths.

Assess co-parent role-clarity: Does each co-parenting couple have a clear idea of what they’re trying to achieve with their stepfamily? Can each co-parent name their current specific "job responsibilities" in guiding each resident and visiting child in the stepfamily? Do step and bioparents agree on these? Do the stepkids? Do key relatives? If not - how effectively does the family handle the disagreements?

Assess presenting problems and attempted solutions: (often will be covered in several of the above foci) who wants what (specifically)? Who's tried what? What happened? What options toward resolution are untried, if any? If nothing changes significantly - what's likely to happen? (Note: unrecovering GWC co-parents typically use bi-polar thinking: only two solutions to any problem)…

Typical Step-client Treatment (Tx) Objectives

        Presented here in rough order of priority. Tailor to fit the client's individual situation. The "?" below means “if needed.”

1) ? Crisis intervention: problem identification, stabilization, sorting, prioritizing, and resolving;

2)   Clarify and build stepfamily definition, shame-free identity, and terms: "we’re a normal multi-home stepfamily" (note: a “blended” stepfamily is one where both re/married partners have prior DNA kids); "I am a step (father / mother / daughter / son / etc.). Motivate full acceptance of all living and dead bioparents (ex-mates) as legitimate stepfamily members. Tool: co-parents and kids make / compare / discuss multi-home genograms.

3)  Teach all involved co-parent their 12 required tasks, and assess for _ resistances, and _ status on each. Use the 12 as a blueprint for overall Tx goals, and progress assessment. Be alert for overwhelm, and stress most stepfamilies take 5 to 8+ years to master these projects (Drs. John and Emily Visher: “In 8 we’ll be great!”);

4) ?  If any co-parents are moderate to major GWCs, _ educate all co-parents and key relatives on (+) parental abuse and neglect; and (+) addictions, including enabling, codependence, and recovery. KEY: the links between co-parents' major childhood deprivations, the resulting intrapsychic wounds, and present stepfamily stressors;

        B) promote individual recoveries, where needed. Motivate by teaching that without real parental recovery, all dependent kids are at risk of similar (unintended) wounding;

5)   Teach healthy-stepfamily concepts and indicators. Options: teach structural mapping and terms, and/or promote co-parents evolving a consensual stepfamily mission statement;

6) ? Identify and confront any denied active addictions, including codependence, in any member/s. Options: formal intervention; linkage to appropriate inpatient / 12-step / support programs. Where impractical, plant seeds... Opinion: breaking co-parent GWC denial will rarely happen without this step;

7) Develop client co-parents’ motivation to learn and practice more effective verbal communications with each other and each child. Emphasize process awareness, metatalk, empathic listening, assertiveness, and  problem-solving - specially related to family values and loyalty conflicts;

8)  Build guilt-free and shame-free re/marital role primacy in the couple and multi-home family system. Promote kids grieving any lost family roles and status, and understanding and acceptance in key relatives and friends. Option: teach and motivate partners to make and use re/marital mission statement(s). Option: use PREPARE/ENRICH computerized Dx profile;

9) ? Facilitate structural realignments in and between linked homes - e.g. reducing bioparent / biochild alliances and enmeshments, empowering or demoting co-parents; demoting parentified or controlling children; detaching enmeshed former mates and/or in-laws, rebalancing sibling coalitions, etc.

10)  Clarify new household and stepfamily roles, and facilitate merging prior-family rules - specially stepparent-stepchild roles. Option: have co-parents lead the family in evolving detailed step-job descriptions. Note: typical three-generational multi-home stepfamilies have up to 30 (alien) roles, vs. 15 roles in average biofamilies;

11)  Normalize and teach co-parents loyalty-conflict resolution skills. (Key co-parental value: when no viable compromise appears, put the re/marriage first, usually, to protect all from eventual re/divorce trauma);

12)  Teach what's normal in a multi-home stepfamily. Motivate and empower co-parents to _ change distorted (e.g. biofamily) expectations to step realities that fit their situation; and _ facilitate their identifying and grieving lost (biofamily) dreams and hopes.

13) Promote stepfamily-wide _ loss identifications from divorce or mate death, and re/marriage; and _ "good grief" awareness and practice. Option: Evolve an effective written stepfamily (multi-home) grieving policy, and promote "loss inventories."

14) ?  Facilitate _ bioparents explaining clearly to their minor or grown kids (within age-appropriate limits) why they got divorced, and _ biokid/s grieving the normal bioparent-reunion fantasy. This task is specially appropriate after any bioparent re/wedding, re/divorce, major geographic move, and/or child birth or adoption.

 

Treatment (Tx) Modalities and Networking:

        Because typical multi-home-stepfamily clients are extra-complex multi-problem cases - often in a presenting crisis, effective Tx can call for a mix of family, couple, and individual sessions over time. The Tx process can range between education, clarification and problem-solving facilitation, and intrapsychic work. In cases with high divorced-spouse hostility, having a clinician for each household (i.e. co-therapists) is ideal.

        Stepfamily clients can be specially helped by informed case management and clinical teams, where available: i.e. case managers strategically using specialists in marital Tx, grief-work, communication skill-building, addictions management, GWC recovery facilitation, child Tx, and building effective parenting awareness and skills.

        Networking is often highly appropriate for stepfamily clients - e.g. with Rainbows (grief-support) or 12-step groups, and co-parent support groups, where available. Connection to local Mothers Without Custody (MWoC) or Tough Love chapters is helpful in some cases. 

In-Service Options

1)  Experiential Exercise - A highly effective way of helping in-service participants to empathically understand and remember this complex conceptual information is by letting them form and live in a (temporary) stepfamily. 

2) Stepfamily “Trigger” Film / Video Showing and Group Discussion - There are several useful trigger (multi-vignette) films and videos available for enhancing discussion and visual learning. Contact the National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) or The National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) for information. Use of such media can fill a two to three-hour in-service session focused on raising stepfamily awareness.

Summary and Conclusion

        This outline has covered a number of modular clinical in-service topics that can be covered in one long session, or a series of seminars. Key points:

        Stepfamilies are complex, high-stress client systems that differ significantly in structure, dynamics, and developmental stages from 1-home biofamilies. They divorce more often (~60+%) than biofamilies (~45%), re/traumatizing previously divorced adults and kids;

        To facilitate effective Tx, a four-axis client-family Dx scheme is proposed.

        Stepfamily co-parents often (i.e. 80+%) come from significantly low-nurturance childhoods, and re/marry in protective ignorance of both _ their false-self wounds, and _ their stepfamily identity, norms, and high risks. 

        The incidence of addictions; enabling; identity, boundary, and intimacy disorders; and ineffective verbal communication skills is usually high among co-parents.

        To offset five combined stressors, typical stepfamily co-parents must negotiate up to 12 specific developmental tasks together, over four or more years to succeed. Most co-parents (and clinicians) are unaware of these tasks, and/or don’t know how to manage them successfully.

        Appropriate step-client education can often reduce immediate stress in early (or potential) stepfamilies. Mature stepfamilies often need crisis management and resolution first.

        The required clinical skill set for effective step-client assessment (Dx) and treatment (Tx) is particularly broad. Family systems, couples-work, or intrapsychic Tx alone will probably not be effective, overall.

        Agency staff and program upgrading (including networked local re/divorce-prevention programs) can be specially cost-effective in providing effective treatment to this high-needs client population.

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Updated November 18, 2008