This article is written to men and women who enforce local,
state, and interstate laws, including prison officials and industrial
security officers. It's specially
written to professionals who intercede in domestic violence, marital,
juvenile, substance-abuse,
and criminal situations.
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Premise - like family-law attorneys, judges,
and legislators, law-enforcement professionals on all levels have a moral
obligation to help wounded, ignorant citizens learn
vital
about themselves and their families that can help
reduce and prevent family conflict, divorce, criminal behaviors, and
repeat offenses. |
Perspective
American courts and detention centers are jammed with millions of adults and
juveniles whose behaviors were judged to have threatened social order and security.
Judicial professionals (a) determine the nature
and level of their misbehavior, and (b) declare and enforce suitable
consequences defined by applicable laws. Law-enforcement professionals like
you - and legislators at all levels - are the
"front end" of this essential social institution.
My professional
training and
experience
since 1981 suggest these
premises:
the high majority of juveniles and adults who break or invoke
the law (initiate suits) are...
-
of traumatic
childhood
and
who...
-
are
(a)
and
(b) lack vital information on these
and (c) they don't know this, or what it
Recent
research supports this.
-
typical survivors ("Grown Wounded Children" - GWCs) often choose
human-service
- like law enforcement (and therapy). I write this as a wounded GWC in
from my wounds and ignorance since 1986;
-
the public, our legislators and judicial-system professionals, and the
people that trained and certified you are largely unaware of these premises.
This amplifies the toxic results of the invisible [wounds +
ignorance]
stressing millions of families and
weakening our society.
If these premises are true, they have major implications for you
as a person and a professional:
-
you
and your family are probably
victims of the same toxic [wounds + ignorance] cycle that stress
typical law breakers. if so, any minor children in your care risk inheriting the wounds and ignorance, unless you
caregivers commit to genuine (vs. pseudo) recovery;
-
charging, detaining, and prosecuting typical
law breakers may preserve social order, but at the high long-term price
of (a) amplifying their psychological wounds, and (b) leaving their
ignorance intact. One costly result
is repeat offenses.
An exception: when the personal guilt, shame, fear,
losses, and expenses from arrest, detention (jail), and court appearances is great
enough, some offenders may
and break protective
of their wounds. This probably
happens in a small minority of typical law enforcement situations. You can
raise the odds of hitting bottom by acting on some of the options in this article.
-
You make judgment calls
all the time about how to treat law breakers, in your first contacts
with them. At times you lenient, keep the idea of
in mind. Long run, the kindest thing you can do may be to
let the offender experience the full consequences of his or her actions.
That increases the odds s/he may hit bottom, and start to heal.
A
final implication:
-
Most of your fellow enforcement officers,
superiors, and professional colleagues are probably
wounded and unaware of these premises. So are the people who trained
you. If true, you probably work
in a low-nurturance (toxic) setting, which may (a) reinforce your
wounds and (b) hinder personal recovery. You're responsible for
choosing your work environment...
Notice your reaction to these stark premises - starting with the possibility
that you and your family are at major risk of psychological
and degraded
health and longevity. Whether you're skeptical or
not, I urge you to take at least the first two steps outlined
here. The rest of this article assumes that
you have. Skipping the steps suggests you may be dominated by a
and not know it.
Scan this for a quick sense of whether that may be so.
|
This article poses three important questions for you: (a)
personal wound-recovery?; (b) if you work in a
psychologically-toxic setting, what does that mean for you,
and what are your options?;
and (c) are you willing to help law breakers and colleagues
become aware of the [wounds + ignorance]
that may be crippling their lives and what that means? The
two links
above lead to articles which address the first two questions.
This article focuses on the third one.
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Protect or Prevent?
How would you define the your main professional responsibilities now? How
would your superiors? Do you feel responsible for (a)
protecting the
citizens in your jurisdiction from law breakers, (b)
preventing people from
breaking the law in the first place, or (c) both? Do you feel that
preventing initial offenses is "someone else's job"? If so - who do you feel
is responsible? I propose that once you are aware of the toxic
[wounds + ignorance] cycle, you are morally obligated as a person and a
professional to invite others to learn about it and its consequences. Do you
agree? Which of your subselves is
Premise: Law-enforcement professionals like you and your fellow
officers and administrators can raise the odds that offenders may admit and reduce their
psychological wounds some day - and avoid repeat offenses - by proactively making steps like
these part of your
work:
-
Adjust your attitude
as needed to include prevention as an unspoken part of your job
description - even if your co-workers and/or superiors disagree or
deride that.
-
Gain experience:
assess
yourself and your family honestly for false self
wounds, and take appropriate action.
Work patiently to keep your true Self
of your personality in all personal and professional situations.
-
(a) Learn five or six
basic
and
apply your learnings
to (b) your family and (c) your professional relationships - including
every offender. Option: help organize and give appropriate
training
sessions on each topic for the people you work with. Stress that the topics are
personally relevant to your co-workers as well as to offenders -
specially wound-recovery, communication skills, and healthy grief.
See the modules in this
free course for ideas. Note
that many offenders and co-workers are probably divorced and/or in
high-stress stepfamilies, so don't disregard this topic!
-
Stay aware of - and
take responsibility for - your attitude toward each offender. If you
feel and act righteous, superior, and aggressive with them, and/or judge
them to be worthless, bad, or evil,
you're probably making things
worse for them and society. You're behavior is probably
reinforcing two of the psychological wounds they're burdened with -
dominance and excessive
A
better option is to see every offender - no matter what s/he's done - as
wounded and ignorant - lacking information, not
stupid. That doesn't mean you can't set assert firm boundaries with them
and let them experience the full consequences of their actions.
-
If and when you feel it's
appropriate with each offender, verbally summarize which ever of the
six topics they ought to learn, and the benefits of doing so. That
might sound like "If you and your partner decided to learn some basic
communication skills, you probably wouldn't have to call 911 and get us
(police) involved." Learn to expect offenders to resist your suggestions
by practicing respectful assertion and empathic listening skills.
-
(a) Acquire or create summary
handouts on these basic topics, and give
(b) every offender and (c) each receptive colleague copies. Then
give these other people full
for what
they do with the handouts.
-
(a) Compile a list of local
resources - self-help groups,
programs,
human-service professionals, and educational materials who are able
and willing to help offenders learn about these topics. (b) Give
each
offender and co-worker this referral list, and (c) explain why you're
doing so. Then (d) give each of them responsibility for what they do
with it. Select from - and add to - resources like
these.
-
Encourage your co-workers,
administrators, and other human-service professionals (e.g. social workers, mediators,
therapists, counselors, attorneys, and judges) to take steps like
these
in their daily work to (a) help offenders reduce personal and
family stress, and (b) lower the odds of repeat offenses.
-
Take comfort in the
reality that you don't have to change the world - and you can
make significant contributions to reduce family stress and divorce by
patiently acting on steps like these. It may help you to (a) think of
yourself as a skilled human-relations consultant rather than a
law-enforcement professional, and to (b) think that you are planting
seeds (knowledge and awareness) that can bring major benefits to other
people without your ever knowing it, as you enforce laws and justice.
This inspiring
short book and audio tape illustrates your great potential to live a
useful, satisfying life and gain true old-age contentment.
Reflect: what is your first
to each of them? As you know, resistance to
is "human nature," except in crises. Typical
(wounded) people are specially cautious and ambivalent about major changes.
Do you know people who are "rigid," "traditional," and "very conservative"
in some of their values? If you have "resistances" to including steps
like those above in your daily work, what are your options?
Responses to "Yes, but..." ("Resistances")
Resistance: "This stuff
seems like New Age psychobabble to me (so I'm not motivated to try these
prevention steps)."
Response: That's
probably an inherited code for "I've programmed myself to believe anything
'psychological' or 'mental' is beyond my understanding." If so, invest in
rereading these three introductory pages and
identify what - if anything -you don't understand after following
appropriate links. I propose that there is nothing so complicated about the
six core topics that an average high school senior couldn't understand it.
Try this with the attitude that "I need to understand theses concepts for my
and my family's welfare."
Resistance:
\"These offense-prevention steps are
for social workers or therapists, not me or my fellow officers and
superiors."
Response: - Would you
agree that first you are a person, and second a law-enforcement
professional? These steps are about people helping people, not police or
social-work duties. If your station or precinct organization includes
social workers, ask them to help. You and they
working together have a greater chance of helping offenders break the
[wounds + ignorance] cycle and lowering the odds of repeat offenses. If you
don't have access to professional social workers, you are the front
line!
Resistance:
"My superiors won't
understand this or support me if I do these prevention steps."
Response: After you
have evaluated yourself honestly for
false-self wounds, ask your superiors to read (a) this overview and (b) this article - online or in print. Ask whether they're
interested in checking to see if the [wounds + ignorance] cycle is affecting
them and their family. Then ask if they'll support you and your
co-workers in informing offenders of the cycle and
verbally and with brief
handouts. If your
superiors still balk or are ambivalent, they may be dominated by a false
self. See the next section.
Resistance:
"I've already got
too much work to do to add these steps."
Response: How much time
would it take to ask an offender "If you don't want to get tangled up with
the law again, try reading this handout."? You can say a lot about the cycle
and its effects in a minute or two, right?
Resistance: "OK, the [wounds + ignorance] cycle is real and toxic, and
these steps are fine - but they
won't do any good. Average offenders are too cynical or won't care!"
Response: Many
offenders may not be ready to hit bottom yet. You can still help by planting
seeds (brief talk and a few handouts) so that if and when they hit bottom
later, they may have some direction and initial resources. The practical
issue is not whether you "convert" or "save" offenders, but how you feel
about yourself as a true professional now and after you
retire.
Resistance:
"I don't respect
most offenders - specially those who disrespect me. Why should I do
them any favors?"
Response: People who
are guided by their true Self are usually
objective and compassionate about people whose
and
promote their "bad" attitudes and behavior. Dominant
often need to rigidly criticize, blame, and scorn other people - specially
those who are dishonest, evasive, aggressive, addicted, "irresponsible,"
"ignorant," and "selfish."
If you
feel offenders don't deserve a chance to learn about the cycle and its
effects -
for psychological wounds!
If you have other "resistances," to the cycle concept and/or the prevention
steps, accept them as (a) normal caution about changing, and (b) possible
evidence that a false-self controls you. Note the themes in the responses
above, and apply them to other resistances (i.e. protections) your subselves
may create.
Working With Wounded Co-workers
My
experience suggests that as a law-enforcement professional, many of your
fellow officers and colleagues - including superiors and executives - are
significantly wounded and ignorant. Restated: I suspect that many of your
co-workers are often ruled by a false self, and that you work in a
low-nurturance local and political
environment. Common behavioral traits of wounded people are
divorce, rigid (right / wrong) and/or fuzzy thinking, excessive aggression
(vs. assertion), deception, controlling others, legal suits, overwork, and
avoiding honest self-awareness. For the full list of symptoms, see
this.
If these symptoms are prevalent
among those you work with (as well as most offenders), what does that mean
to you?
In
this Web site, "low-nurturance" means "not getting important
met." If you choose to work in a low-nurturance setting, you and your
co-workers are probably resigned to (and used to) sacrificing some key needs
in order to preserve your job security and social authority. For example,
you're probably used to...
-
feeling cynical and stressed every day (rather than serene)
because the political system that governs your work organization is
often deceptive, dishonest, ineffective, bureaucratic, and frustrating.
-
feeling pessimistic about and critical (scornful?) of some or most
offenders - and maybe about society - rather than compassionate
and optimistic;
-
feeling frustrated because most days, you get little recognition,
appreciation, and cooperation from the citizens you strive to
protect. You may also feel you're relegated to a closed society (law
enforcement), rather than being accepted as a "regular citizen and
person."
-
feeling weary of and/or overwhelmed with the endless procession
of offenders and all the conflict and stress that comes from confronting
and detaining them, and dealing with the court system;
And you're probably used to...
-
relying on aggression, manipulation, and your legal authority to
force most offenders to comply with you and the law,
rather than using win-win problem solving. Implication: you probably
have little incentive or opportunity to learn, practice, and teach these
essential communication
in your daily work. If so, this would make it hard to do so in your
family and personal relationships.
-
Feeling you must stay objective and dispassionate, and muffle any
emotional responses to witnessing daily violence, loss, anger, terror,
and trauma. Pioneer therapist Claudia Black wrote that being in a
"dysfunctional" home (setting) usually means to avoid pain, you learn
"don't talk (about what you need), don't trust, and don't feel."
-
Feeling on guard (anxious) every day to avoid breaking (or get caught
breaking) professional-ethics rules in complex social situations
that often requires you to make snap decisions with too little
information;
-
feeling cynical or resigned that no matter how you excel at your
job, it won't reduce the basic social problems you deal with day after
day; and
-
you may be used to accepting some element of
personal danger every day, if you regularly deal with domestic violence,
and/or street crime; and...
-
you may be required to work second or third
(graveyard) shifts for extended periods that put you out of harmony with
most other 9-to-5 people - including your mate and any kids;.
Choosing a (low-nurturance) work environment with traits like these may well
(a) stress your primary and family relationships, (b) teach your kids, if
any, that aggression and force is the way to handle social problems, rather
than respectful negotiation; (c) promote stressful attitudes of cynicism,
frustration, and callousness, (d) raise your long-term risk of
disease, psychological problems, and
premature death; and (e) make it hard to assess yourself for false-self
wounds and ignorance, and commit to meaningful personal healing and
learning.
Paradoxically, if you do commit to personal wound-
and
learning these
you'll become increasingly aware of how epidemic psychological wounds and
ignorance stress your coworkers and typical offenders - and their kids and
descendents. Hopefully that will motivate you to alert other people to the
[wounds + ignorance] cycle, its toxic
and how to prevent
the cycle.
My professional experience suggests that average women and men in any
profession aren't open to honestly assessing for inner wounds until mid-life
- i.e. mid thirties to fifties. Even in mid-life, if wounded people haven't
their protective false selves will stubbornly deny, minimize, or rationalize
their wounds, and avoid honest self-assessment and scary personal changes.
Reality - if you work among many wounded, ignorant people every day,
you probably aren't going to single-handedly raise the nurturance-level of
your workplace. So - if you choose to stay where you are (e.g. to gain
promotion/s and a pension), how will that affect your (a) family's
well-being, and your (b) long-term wholistic health, serenity, recovery, and
longevity?
Our society depends on people in
your profession for order and securities. Working in a low-nurturance
law-enforcement environment may sacrifice your wholistic health for the
greater social good. Your alternative is (a) committing to personal recovery
(if needed), and (b) choosing a profession in a high-nurturance setting
where you can still use your gifts and energy to help people live better
lives. The paradox we all face is - we aren't experienced or motivated
enough to make this difficult choice until mid-life, when changing
workplaces or professions means risking significant loss of income and
retirement benefits (securities).
As you see, there are no easy answers here - but the questions are clear:
-
Is the [wounds + ignorance] cycle
significantly stressing you and your family now?
-
Are you working in a significantly
low-nurturance setting now?
-
if you answer "Yes" to either or both of
these, how is that affecting you
and your family short and long-term?
-
Regardless of your answers,
are you willing to proactively
help other people become aware of the cycle and its effects, even
if its not part of your job description?
If you don't do this - who will?
Recap
This article is written to law-enforcement professionals and the people who
train, certify, supervise, and regulate them. It proposes that you have a
moral obligation to (a) learn about the [wounds + ignorance] cycle stressing
our society (and your family?), and then (b) alert average offenders and
co-workers to the cycle, what it means, and how to prevent it. The article
offers responses to typical (false-self) "resistances" to doing this vital
work, and concludes with some perspective on key personal implications if
your work in a low-nurturance setting.
Like the other articles in this family-stress prevention
series, this one will have much more meaning after
you take the first two steps described here. Have you
yet?
Reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If
not, what
you need now?
For
more perspective, read this related prevention article written
to professional motivators.
+ + +
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