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  The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/relate/barriers.htm

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your brow-ser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.

        This is one of a series of articles on Lesson 4 - choose and evolve nourishing relationships. It (a) proposes nine common relationship stressors, and links to solutions for them.

        This article assumes you're familiar with...

the basic premises underlying this nonprofit Web site, this quiz on personalities and relationship basics Self-study Lessons 1 thru 4 ideas on analyzing and resolving most relationship problems options for improving most relationships. this research summary on "bad habits."

        All adults and kids seek satisfying relationships. Because of the wonderful variety in personalities, backgrounds, and interests, finding compatible mates, relatives, friends, and workmates is a challenge. The more common situation is occasional or chronic conflict and stress between people. Has that been true for you?

        Learning to...

• identify compatible partners,

• understand relationship basics, and...

• admit, analyze, and effectively resolve relationship stressors,

...takes years of adult study, experience, and effort. Our feel-good, warp-speed culture doesn't prepare most young adults for this vital task very well. That's part of the reason this non-profit Web site and its guidebooks exist.

 Premises

        Think of the family and other relationships (a) you value the most, and (b) that have the greatest impact on your daily life and contentment. With them in mind, compare your beliefs with these...

        1) Human problems are unfilled needs (emotional, physical, and spiritual discomforts). Needs can be classed as superficial, intermediate, or primary. Most adults and all kids are unaware of this, and reflexively try to fill their surface needs.

        Because this doesn't satisfy the primary needs causing them, the surface "problems" often return. This promotes frustration, self-doubt, cynicism, and in extreme cases, despair - i.e. personal and rela-tionship "stress." For an illustration of these universal problem levels, see this and return.

         2)  Most relationship "problems" are superficial. Common surface conflicts are caused by a mix of the nine related primary problems below. Implication - if you learn spot and resolve these primary problems, your internal and social relationships will become more satisfying and enjoyable. - specially if your partners are aware and motivated too. The alternative is prolonging and amplifying your relationship dissatisfactions by trying fruitlessly to fill surface needs.

        From clinical experience with over 1,000 typical women and men and research since 1979, I pro-pose effective resolution options for each of these relationship barriers. Click on any barrier to learn more about it and these options. Note that dishonesty is not included because that's usually a surface problem.

The most effective way to start redu-cing these barriers is to study and apply... Lesson 1 - assess for and reduce psychological wounds, Lesson 2 - learn to use effective-com-munication skills, Lesson 3 - learn and apply healthy-grieving basics; and... Lesson 4 - learn and practice healthy-relationship basics.         Divorcing family and stepfamily members can best resolve their version of these barriers by also studying and applying Lessons 5-7.         Reluctance to invest time and energy in these Lessons is usually a sign of false-self wounds and unawareness.         If you're interested in ways to prevent these barriers and their effects in families and our society, see Lesson 8.

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Recap

        This Lesson-4 article proposes that most social and internal relationship "problems" result from up to nine specific barriers. Seven are symptoms of two primary stressors: (a) psychological wounds and (b) unawareness in one or more people. Based on 30 years' research and experience, this 8-module self-study course offers any interested adult a practical way to resolve all nine of these relationship barriers and protect kids from them.

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        Pause, breathe, and reflect: why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise, resident true Self or 'someone else'?  

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Updated  March 06, 2010