Lesson 4 of 8 - choose and grow nourishing relationships

About Human Needs - p. 2 of 2

Implications of Dr. Abraham
 Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs"

By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council

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The Web address of this two-page article is http://sfhelp.org/relate/keys/needs.htm

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Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

       In 1968, students of human behavior began to study psychologist Abraham Maslow's newly updated book Toward a Psychology of Being. A theme of his observations about how we all think, feel, and act has been called the "hierarchy of needs." It looks like this:

maslow.gif (15780 bytes)Maslow proposed that every child and adult has overlapping needs that fall into naturally-ranked levels or prior-ities:

Level 1reduce current physical dis-comforts first: hunger, thirst, pain, air, temperature, smells, balance,  noise, light, and rest (sleep). When those are satisfied enough now...

Level 2:  We try to fill our need to feel safe enough in the near future. Safety comes from trusting that our level-one needs will be reliably met in the com-ing hours and days (our safety zone). In our society, that translates into believing that we'll have a depen-dable source of money to buy those securities. The safety zone is short for some people, longer for fear-based (wounded) others.

        Maslow suggested that when we feel comfortable and safe enough, we then try to fill...

Level 3: our need for companionship: our primitive need to feel accepted by, and part of, a group of other people. We need to feel we belong to (are accepted by) a family, tribe, group, or clan. The alternative is feeling we're alone (and unsafe) in the world.

        For infants, being alone too long means dying. People abandoned emotionally or physically (neglec-ted) too often as infants unconsciously grow personality subselves who remain terrified of abandonment in adulthood. Alternatively, their subselves protect them from (another) devastating abandonment by (uncon-sciously) never bonding with anyone.

        Semi-conscious terror of rejection and abandonment is one root of relationship enmeshment and codependence. The other root is excessive shame ("I'm flawed and unlovable!") Unacknowledged code-pendence and it's underlying false-self wounds often cause adults to unconsciously pick wounded, un-aware people over and over again, until they choose to heal. Personal recovery can partially heal each root of codependence, over time. These ideas gained general public and clinical acceptance after (1980+) Maslow proposed this hierarchy of needs.

      He proposed that if we feel our level 1, 2, and 3 needs are satisfied enough, then we focus on filling...

Level 4: our need to be recognized as special and valuable by our group. We need to be more than just a featureless face in the crowd, we need to be known and appreciated as a unique, respected person. Survivors of low-nurturance childhoods who were shamed too often as young children may search endlessly for the specialness and praise they never got.

        Paradoxically, their false self discounts praise when it's offered ("I really don't deserve it..."). Until wound-recovery releases them from this endless quest, such burdened, unaware people are never really free to achieve...

Level 5: the need to be self actualized. A key reason people still value Maslow's ideas is the univer-sal longing to be fully ourselves. That implies we each have unique talents and abilities that we long to develop and use to benefit the world if all our other need-levels are filled well enough, often enough. Then we can become creative, energized, centered, focused, and productive and live on purpose, "at our highest personal potential."

        Do you know what self actualization feels like? Do you know anyone whom you feel is "living at their highest personal potential"? Did your parents and key caregivers achieve this prize? Has your mate? Are your kids headed toward that priceless condition?

        Pause and reflect: does this natural ranking of primal human needs make sense to you? If it doesn't, do you have another explanation for why we all behave the way we do? How does this ranking relate to why you chose to read this article?

        So what use is this hierarchy to you and others?

   Four Key Implications

        First - you and others have the best chance to become and stay self-actualized over time - if your personality is steadily guided by your true Self. Lesson 1 in this nonprofit site is about assessing if that's true, and freeing up your true Self if that's needed.

        Second - adults can improve the harmony in their home and families if they help each other remem-ber that...

  • Every moment, each person seeks to fill a fluctuating group of psychological, physical, spiritual, and mental needs;

  • Some needs are currently more important (intense) than others;

  • People may perceive and rank their current needs differently; and...

  • Digging down to identify each person's concurrent primary needs, ranking them, and filling the most important ones first, promotes personal and social harmony.

        This probably seems obvious. Yet I've met hundreds of stressed adults who had lost sight of these points in their welter of personal, marital, and family conflicts. Adults and kids with significant wounds often lose the clear focus and prioritizing that their true Self (capital "S") provides.

        Third - these five need-levels are unconscious and instinctual. They influence the other primary needs that underlie the surface problems that unaware people try to solve every day. One result: most people are frustrated by trying to make attitude and behavioral changes which don't last - like "failed" diets and attempts to "exercise more," "eat better," "slow down," and "quit smoking." See this brief research report for perspective.

        People who are guided by their true Selves and clearly aware of their primary needs are more likely to make core attitude changes, which bring permanent behavioral shifts.

        The fourth implication of Maslow's need-levels has to do with personal growth. The inherited [wounds + unawareness] cycle and a low-nurturance environment can keep kids and adults stuck in levels 2-4, and block them from growing towards "living at their highest personal potential." Like ground fog obscuring a mountain peak, the effects of the cycle can prevent self-actualization and living on pur-pose.

        Someone (John Bradshaw?) has said the greatest personal tragedy is dying without ever knowing who you really could have been. Maslow's key contribution is in proposing that we each can intentionally grow toward "self actualization" - i.e. developing our unique skills, and using them creatively and unsel-fishly to benefit the world and ourselves.

        Family adults can help each other and their kids grow toward self actualization in their own unique way, at their own pace. These self-study Lessons lay essential groundwork for this supreme life-long personal project. Are you motivated to study them now?

 Recap

        This article illustrates Dr. Abraham Mas-low's hierarchy of five primal human needs that constantly shape our relationships and beha-viors. This hierarchy is extended by these premises...

  • all infants, kids, and adults constantly have dynamic mixes of mental, emo-tional, physical, and spiritual needs (discomforts), and...

  • all behavior - including communication - is motivated by the ceaseless instinc-tive drive to reduce our current needs.

Most people are only hazily aware of their mix of needs. They habitually focus on surface needs as they did as kids, so their primary needs keep recurring.

        The article offers four key implications of this hierarchy, based on the demonstrable reality that normal  personalities are com-posed of a variety of talented subselves.

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To learn how to discover someone's primary needs, see this. To review common communication and relationship needs, follow the links.

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        Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

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Updated  August 30, 2010