Lesson 4 of 8  - choose and grow nourishing relationships
	Solutions to Common Relationship Problems By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW Member NSRC Experts Council

•  site intro > course outline > Lesson 4 study guide or links, site search, chat, or other page > here

The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/relate/menu.htm

If you have a stepfamily relationship problem, go here.

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your brow-ser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.

        This is one of a series of articles on Lesson 4 - choose and evolve nourishing relationships. These articles build on Lessons 1 - 3, and prepare you for Lesson 5 (evolve and enjoy a nourishing fam-ily) and Lesson 6 (learn to practice effective parenting).

        This index links to articles in this nonprofit Web site about solving common relationship problems  among people and among your personality subselves.  

        All articles assume you're familiar with....

the introduction to this Web site and the premises underlying it self-study Lessons 1 thru 4 how to dig down to unearth primary needs requisites for a satisfying relationship, and these Q&A items options for analyzing and resolving relationship problems; and... options for improving relationships.

        Premises - Human relationships exist to satisfy a set of common needs like companionship, secur-ity, affirmation, and support. Relationship "problems" occur when someone can't fill significant needs.

        Common reasons that hinder relationship problem-solving are:

• one or more people are significantly wounded; and...

• they don't identify the primary needs that cause surface problems, and...

• they're unaware of themselves and key topics  - specially of psychological wounds and com-munication skills.

The good news is - you can overcome each of these barriers and fill your primary needs more often if your true Self usually guides your personality. See Lesson 1.  

Common Surface Relationship Problems

        Each link below leads to a popup or article offering perspective on the problem, resolution options, references, and (often), illustrations. Unlinked items have no article yet. All articles are linked to each other and to relevant worksheets and resources.

        If you don't see the topic you're interested in, try searching the site or sending me feedback. Prob-lems in bold type deserve special focus. Asterisked (*) items offer effective ways to respond to this behavior in another person.
 

abuse abandonment addictions affairs aggression* anxiety / fear anger apathy / boredom* arguing / fighting attitudes barriers betrayal boundary conflicts "coldness" commitment communications competitiveness* over-critical*

cynicism* defensiveness* depression* dishonesty  dislike distrust / suspicion disrespect distortions / denial distractions* egotism, selfishness* frustration gender conflicts significant guilt hostility* impatience* indifference* insincerity jealousy / envy

little empathy* loyalty conflicts low self esteem (shame) love imbalances manipulation* mis-assumptions* nagging* Narcissism neglectful* not hearing* numbness over-controlling* over-talking* overwhelm prejudice / bigotry rejection* repetitiveness*

rigidity* personal rights role conflicts sadness / grief self-centeredness* sexuality shyness silences* spirituality little teamwork triangles "unavailability" * unawareness values conflicts volatility* whining / complaining withholding / secrecy woundedness

        Did your childhood caregivers and teachers show you how to master each of these well enough? Do you think anyone showed them how? Are you teaching any kids in your life how to understand and mas-ter these common secondary stressors?

        Notice common relationship stressors that aren't included above, like conflicts over money, jobs, dwellings, vehicles, trips, in-laws, intimacy, ex mates, health, ecology, vacations, holidays, religion, kids, sex, friends, politics, hobbies, personal health, etc. Each of these is a surface problem caused by one or more of the stressors above.
 

If you reduce the two primary causes of these relationship problems - wounds and unawareness - they'll all diminish! The principles in resolving each of these "problems" are the same. The benefits from learning to resolve them will last the rest of your life, and give your kids a major social advan-tage. See these stress-prevention articles for perspective.

Recap

        This Lesson-4 index links you to articles on resolving many common surface relationship problems between people and between personality subselves. It provides requisite readings, and proposes three correctable underlying causes of most social relationship problems.

        Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

<<  This index  is very helpful  somewhat helpful  not helpful   >>  

 Prior page  /  Lesson-4 links  /  Print page

 site intro  /  course overview  /  site search  /  definitions  /  chat  /  contact  /  copyright info

Updated  August 30, 2010