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Think of someone you respect highly. Then see if you agree with this: The need to feel genuinely worthwhile, important, admired, trus-ted, valued, and appreciated ("liked") is universal in adults and kids - specially in shame-based survivors of low-nurturance childhoods. Gen-uine (vs. pseudo) respect is a requisite for friendship and love. The opposite of respect is scorn, disdain, indifference, disgust, dislike, rejection, and disapproval. Reality check: think of the last time you felt disrespected, and see if this feels true. Respect can be global ("I respect you as a person") or partial ("I respect you as a fe/male / parent / friend / neighbor / sailor / chef / listener / Muslim / citizen / musician / etc.) Respecting someone is different than liking or needing them. True respect must be earned via experience. It is often based on personal attributes like honesty, compassion, courage, patience, generosity, integrity, optimism, wisdom, resilience, humor, and humi-lity. Respect cannot be demanded, ordered, or expected, for it can only occur spontaneously. Mutual respect is a primal need in any communication. Without it, listening falters, and defensiveness, hurt, anxiety, and resentments quickly rise. We judge others' respect for uds by their voice, words, face, and body language. Disrespect cannot be hidden for long, despite earnest denials. Chronic disrespect for yourself and/ or others is usually a sign of early trauma and major psychological wounds. Lesson 1 here offers an effective way of detecting and reducing such wounds, and protecting kids from them. More detail |
