Lesson 7 of 8  - evolve and enjoy a high-nurturance stepfamily

LESSON-7  LINK INDEX

How to Grow a Healthy
Re/marriage and Stepfamily

By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW
member NSRC Experts Council

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        This indexes a series of Lesson-7 articles on how to evolve a high-nurturance stepfamily and avoid re/divorce. This series extends the concepts in Lessons 1-6, so study them first. These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents, or any of the three or more related adults managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily. 

         One of five reasons many (most?) U.S. stepfamilies are very stressed and may break up is adult unawareness of the information in Lessons 1-7. These Lesson-7 links are grouped as...

  The best way to study these materials is to invest time in self-study Lesson 7

Suggestion - Before following any link below, scan this entire index for context. The number of articles and worksheets here demonstrates how complex average stepfamilies are!

  Stepfamily Basics

7-01)  A profile of adults and kids before re/marriage

7-02)  Quiz: do you know what you need to know about stepfamilies?

7-03)  Common benefits of living in a typical stepfamily

7-04)  Stepfamily basics

7-05)  A real-life example of a typical new stepfamily

7-06)  Questions stepfamily adults and supporters should research

7-07)  Similarities between typical stepfamilies and intact biofamilies

7-08)  30 structural differences between stepfamilies and typical intact biofamilies

7-09)  30 unique developmental tasks new stepfamily adults must master 

7-10)  Extra developmental phases typical stepfamilies have compared to intact biofamilies

7-11)  Three possible developmental paths new stepfamilies may follow

7-12)  60 common stepfamily myths, expectations, and realities (8 pages)

7-13)  Why accepting your stepfamily identity is vital

7-14)  Perspective on who belongs to your stepfamily

7-15)  Why and how to use a genogram to map your stepfamily members

7-16)  16 things new stepfamily members must merge over many years

7-17)  Primary problems that cause most stepfamily stress.

7-18)  A slide presentation on how to build a high-nurturance stepfamily

7-19)  How to evaluate stepfamily advice (2 pages)

7-20)  How to choose useful stepfamily books and materials

  Stepfamily Courtship and Re/marriage


        Note - the "/" notes it may be a stepparent's first union or divorce

Review - five major causes of stepfamily stress

7-21)  Overview - make three wise courtship-commitment choices!

7-22) 16 courtship danger signs

7-23)  Perspective on cohabiting ("moving in together")

Review: Worksheet - Our recent priorities  

Courtship Worksheets

7-24)  Am I committing to the right partner?

7-25)  Am I committing to the right co-parents?

7-26)  Am I committing to the right stepkids? - (2 pages)

7-27)  Is this the right time to re/marry? - a) partner factors (2 pages)

7-28)  Is this the right time to re/marry? - b) courting-couple factors

7-29)  Is this the right time to re/marry? - c) stepchild factors

7-30) Are we re/marrying for the right reasons?

7-31)  Symptoms of incomplete recovery from prior divorce

7-32)  Keys to a healthy re/marriage (2 pages)

7-33)  Ideas on planning a successful stepfamily wedding

7-34)  Articles on identifying and resolving common primary-relationship problems in a stepfamily context;

Review - primary-relationship basics from lesson 4.

Review - our primary-relationship's strengths and growth areas (worksheet)

Review - Common stressors that same-gender couples will face (Lesson 4)

Resources - Computer-assisted pre-remarriage evaluation programs: Prepare/Enrich, REFOCCUS, and Relate. These are useful, though they're less detailed than the worksheets above, and they don't evaluate  some key factors like these. 

  Effective Stepfamily Coparenting

  • Coparenting basics and typical stepchild needs

  • Stepparent-stepchild relationships

  • Stepsibling relationships

7-35)  Summary - typical kids' adjustment needs after bioparents separate (divorce)

7-36)  Typical stepkids' concurrent developmental and adjustment needs - (2 pages)

7-37)  How to assess a child's status with four sets of special needs.

7-38)  Q & A about divorcing-family and stepfamily co-parenting - (4 pages)

7-39)  How stepparenting differs from bioparenting - (2 pages)

Review - What is effective parenting? (Lesson 6)

Review - Options for improving communications with kids (Lesson 2)

Review - Effective child discipline Lesson 6)

7-40)  Effective stepchild-discipline  (3 pages)

7-41)  Overview: how to evolve an effective co-parenting team

7-42)  Worksheet for clarifying co-parents' responsibilities - (4 pages)

7-43)  How to make co-parent "job descriptions" - (2 pages, including a sample)

7-44)  Pros and cons of conceiving an "ours" child in a stepfamily - (2 pages)

Review - Avoid or resolve legal battles among family members (Lesson 4)

7-45)  Resolve the <real> problems causing typical child-custody disputes - (3 pages)

7-46)  Resolve 3 problems causing child-visitation disputes - (2 pages)

Review - The real issues causing family "money" disputes

7-47 Adapting to a "disinterested" bioparent (ex mate) - (2 pages)

7-48)  Perspectives on legally adopting your stepchild - (2 pages)

7-49)  Options for reducing adult-stepchild problems

7-50)  Self-affirmations for stressed co-parents

7-51)  Options if your mate hasn't grieved the death of their former spouse - (2 pages)

7-52)  Rebalance stepfamily relationships if an inactive bioparent becomes active. (2 pages)

Stepparent-Stepchild Relationships

7-53)  Perspective on typical stepkids

7-54)  Basics - avoid or resolve stepparent-stepchild problems

7-55)  Q & A about stepchildren - (2 pages)

7-56)  Q & A about stepparenting - (3 pages)

7-57)  Options for resolving stepparent-stepchild "love" problems.

7-58)  Resolve stepparent-stepchild boundary problems - (2 pages)

7-59)  Options for understanding and reducing stepkids' dishonesty - (2 pages)

7-60)  Accept or reduce stepparent-stepchild disinterest - (2 pages)

7-61)  Adapt to 1-way or mutual stepparent-stepchild dislike - (2 pages)

7-62)  Options for improving stepparent-stepchild respect - (2 pages)

7-63)  Build stepparent-stepchild trust over time - (2 pages)

7-64)  Reduce major stepparent and stepchild guilts to normal - (2 pages)

7-65)  Reduce significant stepparent-stepchild hostility - (2 pages)

7-66)  Manage sexual tensions between a stepparent and stepchild - (2 pages)

7-67)  Resolve conflicts over stepparent-stepchild names and titles - (2 pages)

7-68)  Effective co-parenting with typical stepteens - (3 pages)

7-69)  Create good-enough holidays for your stepteens 

Stepsibling Relationships

7-70)  Basic perspective on resolving stepsibling problems - (2 pages)

7-71)  Q&A about stepsibling and half-sibling relationships - (2 pages)

7-72)  Help stepsiblings negotiate their boundaries effectively - (2 pages)

7-73)  Help stepsiblings cope with disinterest (rejection).

7-74)  Use significant stepsibling dislike to teach tolerance and respect.

7-75)  Reduce significant disrespect between stepsiblings.

7-76)  Improve mutual trust between stepsiblings.

7-77)  What is it like to be a half-sibling in a stepfamily? - (2 pages)

7-78)  Options for reducing significant step-sibling hostility.

7-79)  Reduce significant jealousy and envy between stepsiblings. (2 pages)

7-80)  Manage significant sexual attraction between stepsiblings - (2 pages)

7-81)  Resolve conflicts over stepsibling names.

7-82)  Options for defusing major stepsibling rivalries.

Common Problems with Stepfamily Relatives

7-83)  Basics - Options for improving relationships among stepfamily relatives.

7-84)  Key Q & A about stepfamily relatives' roles and relationships - (3 pages)

7-85)  Popup - common stressors among stepfamily relatives

7-86)  Resolve relatives' resistances to accepting stepfamily identity - (2 pages)

7-87)  Confront disapproval and rejection among stepfamily relatives - (2 pages)

7-88)  Confront significant disinterest among stepfamily relatives - (2 pages)

7-89)  Manage "favoritism" conflicts among step-relatives'  - (2 pages)

7-90)  What do co-grandparents and step-grandkids need? - (3 pages)

Special Stepfamily Issues

7-91)  Options for reducing stepfamily holiday and celebration stress - (3 pages)

7-92  Options for successful stepchild residence-changes - (2 pages)

7-93)  Adapt to many family changes when a co-parent's home relocates - (2 pages)

7-94)  How to pick an effective stepfamily counselor

Resources

Your Stepfamily's Strengths (worksheets)

7-95)  Strength-inventory introduction

7-96)  Our individual co-parent's strengths

7-97)  Our co-parent couples' strengths

7-98)  Our co-parents' general caregiving strengths (2 pages)

7-99)  Our co-parents' stepchild-nurturing strengths (2 pages)

7-100)  The strengths in and between our co-parenting homes

7-101)  Our extended stepfamily's general strengths

7-102)  Our extended stepfamily's stepfamily strengths, (2 pages including "scoring."

Resources

7-103)  A menu of articles about solving common stepfamily role and relationship problems.

7-104)  Helpful books about topics in Lessons 1 thru 7

7-105)  Options for managing major family changes

7-106)  Introduction - Use structural maps to understand and manage your stepfamily

7-107)  Helpful Web sites, games, books, and periodicals for co-parents and supporters 

Review - An overview of family systems, and how to use this concept

Review - Why family mission statements are vital, and how to make one (Lesson 4)

Review: Options for analyzing and resolving most role and relationship problems (Lesson 4)

Review - An introduction to three universal family conflicts, and what to do about them (Lesson 2)

Review - What relationship "triangles" are, and why they're a problem

Review What to do about relationship triangles

Review - An introduction to resolving values conflicts, impasses, and cutoffs

ReviewWorksheet: How we handle values conflicts now

Review - Perspective on family loyalty conflicts (a type of vales conflict)

Review - Worksheet: How we handle loyalty conflicts now

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Updated August 30, 2010