STEPFAMILY COURTSHIP -
Make three
wise
 re/marital choices

TABLE OF CONTENTS

By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council

bookcover-thmb.jpg


colorbar

Updated 12/16/14

      Clicking underlined links below will open a new window. Other links will open  an informational popup, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If your playback device doesn't support Javascript, the popups may not display. Follow underlined links after finishing this article to avoid getting lost.

        Many stepfamily authors and commentators estimate that over 50% of typical American stepfamilies eventually re/divorce legally. Many millions more divorce psychologically.

        One of five combined reasons for this tragic trend seems to be that typical courting co-parents (bioparents and stepparents) make up to three unwise courtship commitment decisions.

        Based on 35 years' clinical stepfamily research, this practical guidebook for courting co-parents and their supporters offers specific suggestions and resources to help them choose...

  • the right people (adults and kids) to commit to, for...

  • the right reasons, at...

  • the right time.

       This unique resource book integrates the key ideas in online self-improvement Lesson 7 - how to evolve a satisfying, high-nurturance stepfamily. Many of the hyperlinks referenced in this book have changed since its publication in 2002. Use this Lesson-7 link index to find current articles and worksheets.


 

  .

  For experience-based perspective on selecting useful stepfamily-related books, see this. For related perspective on considering stepfamily advice, see this

Table of Contents
 

14 Courtship Danger Signs ..................................................

 9

Acknowledgements .............................................................

17

PART 1)  FOUNDATIONS

19

1) Introduction .....................................................................

21

2) Get the Most From This Book ..........................................

32

3) What’s a High-nurturance Family? ....................................

48

4) Why Most U.S. Re/marriages Fail .....................................

69

5) A Pre-re/marriage Quiz .....................................................

83

6) Stepfamily Realities .........................................................

91

7) One Stepfamily’s Story ....................................................

 98

8) 12 Long-term Co-parent Projects ........................................

122

PART 2)  SEVEN COURTSHIP PROJECTS

135

Lesson 1: Assess For Inner Wounds ......................................

137

Project 2: Learn Effective Problem-solving ...............................

167

Project 3: Accept Your Stepfamily Identity .............................

199

Project 4: Form Realistic Expectations ..................................

233

Lesson 3A)  Learn Good-Grief Basics......................................

248

Lesson 3B)  Free Blocked Grief .............................................

287

Project 6: Draft a Mission Statement and Co-parent
               "Job-descriptions" .................................................

325

Project 7: Decide If You Should Re/marry Now........................

353

17) Summary and next steps...............................................

385

PART 3) - RESOURCES

399

A) Traits of False-self Dominance .........................................

401

B) Typical Traits of Codependence ......................................

412

C) Stepfamilies vs. Intact Biofamilies ...................................

422

D) Personal-priorities Worksheet .........................................

446

E) What your Minor (Step)kids Need .................................

453

F) Summary: Three Right Re/marriage Choices ...................

480

G) Stepfamily Relationship Terms .......................................

492

H) Selected Resources .........................................................

537

Index ...................................................................................

551

What´s Different about This Book?

                It is the only stepfamily resource that...

  • Is based on (a) 31 years´ clinical research, including over 17,000 hours´ consultation with over 1,000 typical divorced and stepfamily adults and some of their kids; (b) five widespread re/marital hazards, and (c) seven Projects to neutralize the hazards. This volume...
     
  • Integrates six core concepts:

    #  proven family-systems principles; and...

    #  an inner-family concept of human personalities, linked to...

    #  a definition of high-nurturance families; and...

    #  a framework of seven effective-thinking and communication skills,

    #  healthy three-level grieving and healing blocked grief; and...

    #  a framework of stepfamily realities, meanings, and merger-adjustment tasks.

        And this guidebook...

  • Provides Internet addresses to over 150 experience-based stepfamily articles, worksheets, and other resources to augment its contents. This is one of several guidebooks for a free, 8-Part self-improvement course for people interested in healing and self-growth. Lesson 7 focuses on evolving high-nurturance stepfamilies.

    And this book is different because of...

  • My personality, writing style, training (BSME and MSW), and 77 years´ life experience (engineering, business, teaching, and 36 years´ practice of psychotherapy with hundreds of stepfamily clients). My learnings from personal "ACoA" recovery (from a low-nurturance childhood) since 1986 greatly influ-ence this series of guidebooks and Web articles. And...
     

  • I have many years of personal experience as a stepgrandson, adult stepson, stepfather of two girls, and stepbrother of four - and an admirer of two haughty stepcats.

        In summary, Stepfamily Courtship is the first book designed to help courting co-parents choose the right people to commit to, at the right time, for the right reasons. Most of this book also pertains to couples considering a first marriage without prior kids and to those who are already re/married!

Mail order this comprehensive, unique reference book as a hardcover, softcover, or e-book from Xlibris.com or other online and "brick-and-mortar" booksellers.

Share/Bookmark  prior page  /  Print page

colorbar

 site intro / course outline / site search / definitions /  chat  /  contact