Lesson 4 of 7  - optimize your relationships


By Peter Gerlach, MSW

Member NSRC Experts Council


The Web address of this page is https://sfhelp.org/relate/links4.htm

  Updated !2/01/2014

        Clicking underlined links here will open a new window. Other links will open  an informational popup, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If your playback device doesn't support Javascript, the popups may not display. Follow underlined links after finishing this article to avoid getting lost.

      This is a link index to all the Web site materials in Break the Cycle! Lesson 4 - optimize your  relationships. These articles assume you've made significant progress on self-improvement Lessons 1 thru 3. The Lesson-4 study guide offers a structured way to learn from these articles.

      This brief YouTube video provides perspective on this self-improvement Lesson. The intro mentions eight lessons in this Web site. I've reduced that to seven.

      Thee Lesson-4 links are grouped as...:

      Adult-child relationships are covered in Lessons 6 (effective parenting) and 7 (stepfamily relations).

      Option - View the videos in the Gerlach YouTube channel playlists 4a (relationship basics) and 4b.(dating, marriage, and divorce). They total about 15 hours. Most of the linked items below include one or more of these videos.

Lesson 4, Part 1)  Relationship Basics

4-1)  A quiz on relationship basics. How much do you know?

4-2)  Perspective on needs - the roots of human behavior

4-3)  Dr. Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs

4-4)  Requisites for a mutually-satisfying relationship

4-5)  Q&A about healthy relationships.

4-6)  Inventory - learn how your attitudes shape your relationships.

4-7)  Perspective on being liked and disliked (socially)

4-8)  Perspective on friendships - 8 options for improving them

Lesson 4, Part 2)  Relating to Yourself (Your Self)

      A requisite for relating well with other people is to have a respectful, loving relationship with yourself. Lesson 1 offers perspective and options for (a) getting to know and appreciate the subselves who comprise your personality, and for (b) harmonizing them under the expert guidance of your resident true Self.

4-9)  A sample Bill of Personal Rights. Do you know your rights as a dignified, worthy person?

4-10)  Define your "anger policy"

4-11)  options for forgiving yourself or another person

      Part 2 in the Lesson-4 study guide gives links to other articles in this site on relating to yourself.

Lesson 4, Part 3)  Resolve Common Relationship Problems

4-12)  Premises about relationship problems

4-13)  Options for analyzing relationship problems

4-14)  Options for resolving relationship problems

4-15)  Overview of nine common barriers to satisfying relationships

4-16)  A menu of solutions to common relationship problems

4-17)  Options for relating to psychologically-wounded people

4-18)  Options for improving mutual respect

4-19)  Options for improving honesty. Make it safe to tell the truth

4-20)  Options for regaining lost trust

4-21)  How to benefit from anger and frustration

4-22)  Options for managing significant resentments

4-23)  Options for reducing shyness

4-24)  Options for managing hostility

4-25) Options for responding to intimidation

4-26)  Options for responding effectively to prejudice and bigotry

4-27)  Options for resolving boundary problems

4-28)  Options for reducing codependence (relationship addiction)

4-29)  Perspective on giving and receiving advice

4-30)  Options for managing significant jealousy

4-31)  When abuse is not abuse - it's aggression

4-32)  Paradox: "not hurting someone's feelings" can harm them!

4-33)  Options for improving relationships with co-workers and superiors

4-34)  An example of concurrent values and loyalty conflicts and relationship triangles

4-35)  How to resolve values conflicts, impasses, and relationship "cutoffs"

4-36)  Worksheet: How we resolve values conflicts now

4-37)  Spot and resolve Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer relationship triangles 

4-38)  Q&A about disputes over money

4-39)  Perspective on getting enough nourishing physical touching.

4-40)  Q&A about counseling and therapy

4-41)  Options for adapting to interpersonal rejections and for creating an effective rejection

Lesson 4, Part 4)  Primary Relationships, Divorce, and Ex Mates

      One reason this Web site exists is to combat the tragic U.S. divorce epidemic. The links here are grouped by Marriage basics, Courtship, and Solving marital problems. Resources for remarriages are part of Lesson 7,

A) Basics

4-42)  Keys to a satisfying marriage

4-43) Worksheet - relationship strengths and stressors

4-44) Reprint: Respect the Heart of Every Successful Marriage, by Annie Gottlieb

4-45)  Q&A about primary relationships (marriage)

4-46)  Q&A about divorce, redivorce, and divorce recovery

4-47)  Perspective on the silent American divorce epidemic

4-48)  16 Alternatives to divorce

4-49)  Worksheet - symptoms of an unfinished divorce

4-50)  Perspective on remarriage  

B) Courtship Articles and Worksheets

        Divorce starts by making up to0 three unwise courtship decisions.

4-51)  Q&A about choosing a mate

4-52)  Worksheet - common courtship danger signs for childless couples

4-53)  Worksheet - Am I committing to the right partner?

4-54)  Worksheet - When is the right time to commit to a mate?

4-55)  Worksheet - Are we committing for the right reasons?

C) Solutions to Common Marital Problems

      These articles add to the "Relationship Problems" articles above.

4-56)  Worksheet - Rank your recent priorities 

4-57)  Options for improving marital intimacy

4-58)  Options for resolving marital love dissatisfactions

4-59)  Perspective on same-gender partnerships

4-60)  The real cause of "we don't have enough time together"

4-61)  Options for reducing mates' sexual problems

4-62)  Perspective on marital affairs

4-63)  Options if your mate hasn't grieved the loss of a prior partner.

D)  Ex-mate Relationships

4-64)  Q&A about ex-mate relations

4-65)  Options for improving ex-mate relations

      See Lesson 7 (stepfamilies) for other articles about ex-mate (co-parenting) relations 


      This is a link-index to self-improvement Lesson-4 resources about optimizing relationships. These articles and worksheets build on Lessons 1 thru 3, and are grouped as:

  • Relationship basics,

  • Common relationship problems, and...

  • Primary-relationships (basics / dating / problem-solving / ex mates),

      Lesson 4 guides you through using the articles summarized here toward better answering this quiz about relationships. Use these Lesson 1-4 concepts and tools to master Lessons 5 thru 7 in this online self-improvement Break the Cycle! course.

       Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

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