How to Resolve Major Values Conflicts

     A values conflict occurs when two or more people disagree on a belief, preference, priority, or perception. Common responses to these clashes include arguing ("I'm right, you're wrong."); manipulating ["If you (don't) agree with me, I'll ___"]; and/or   avoiding, denying, pretending to agree, or withdrawing; The best options are (a) respectfully compromising, or (b) agreeing to disagree. Steps to do this include:

  • Confirm that each person is guided by his/her true Self. If not, switch your focus to freeing the disabled Self, or lower your expectations. (Lesson 1)

  • Each person learn and apply communication basics and skills  (Lesson 2)

  • Identify your respective primary needs and agree they're of equal importance

  • Affirm that neither of you is right or wrong - your values just differ

  • learn the concepts of (a) internal and mutual values conflicts, (b) win-win com-promises, and (c) agree on clear definitions of each of them. Then (d) expand your vocabularies to include these terms and your definitions

  • (a) learn each other's personal priorities, and (b) agree on your co-equal rights as dignified persons

  • when internal and mutual values conflicts occur at the same time, help each other resolve the internal conflicts first

  • If you can't find a mutually-acceptable compromise to your conflict, agree to disagree (vs. "giving in") for the sake of relationship harmony

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