About Surface and Primary Needs
All human behavior tries to prevent or reduce emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual discomforts - i.e. to fill needs. Meditation usually discloses that what you think you need ("I need to balance my checkbook") is a surface or secondary need caused by several underlying primary needs ("I really need to reduce my anxieties about bouncing checks + low-ering my credit rating + embarrassment and guilt + incurring a bank fee.")
We're usually OK focusing on our surface needs. To re-solve major or chronic conflicts problems effectively, use awareness and dig-down skills to discern (a) what each in-volved person really needs, and (b) who's responsible for fil-ling each major need.